A few months after Noah was born I decided to make him a scrapbook. I scoured the aisles at Michael’s for stickers and dye-cuts and fancy papers and special scissors with ruffled edges. And then, every night after Noah was finally settled in his crib, I sat at the dining room table, construction paper littering the floor at my feet, and I scrapped.
The problem was, I hated every minute of it.
Nothing turned out like I had envisioned. I didn’t have a creative eye for matching papers and pictures. Everything I cut with the fancy scissors turned out crooked and off-kilter. My handwriting was messy, and the magic marker smudged and bled. I had envisioned Martha Stewart magnificence, and what I created looked like the work of a ten-year-old. Scrapbooking, I learned the hard way, was not my thing.
As I paged through that rag-tag scrapbook a couple of days ago I thought about the verses we read for this week from Acts 6.
Because the twelve disciples were struggling to maintain order within the rapidly growing church, they called a meeting with the larger group of followers to decide what they could delegate and what they would continue to focus on themselves:
“We apostles should spend our time teaching the word of God, not running a food program,” they announced. “And so, brothers, select seven men who are well-respected and are full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will give them this responsibility. Then we apostles can spend our time in prayer and teaching the word.” (Acts 6:2-4)
The disciples recognized their strengths and their mission – teaching and preaching the word of God. They focused on their God-given gifts and then delegated those responsibilities better-suited to the strengths of others in the group.
I think sometimes we feel obligated to do it all. And instead of focusing on the special abilities God has given us, we run ourselves ragged funneling our energy into areas in which we don’t especially excel. Sometimes we say yes to something because we feel like that’s what’s expected of us. Like me with the scrapbook. As a new mother, I thought that was what I was supposed to do: make a scrapbook of my baby’s first year. Regardless of whether I was good at it or not, and regardless of whether I even enjoyed it.
A few years ago the director of children’s ministries at my church called to ask if I might be willing to teach Sunday school. A wave of guilt washed through me before I took a deep breath and informed her that I didn’t think I would be well-suited for such a role. “Frankly I don’t even really like kids that much,” I blurted to Faye. Thankfully she laughed.
There are times you do need to try something new in order to grow or to step out of your comfort zone. But there are other instances in which you know saying yes would result in a cataclysmic disaster.
Sometimes, as with my ill-fated foray into scrapbooking, a period of trial and error is necessary in order to discern our strengths. But sometimes, like the disciples, we simply know what we’re good at and where we need to focus our energy. And in those circumstances, it’s okay to say yes, or no, with confidence and without guilt.
What about you? Do you know what your God-given strengths are? Have you ever said no to something you knew wouldn’t be the best use of your skills?
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Hi Michelle,
Gotta tell you…..I know this wasn’t supposed to be funny, but when I read that you hated scrapbooking, I actually laughed aloud, and realized that poor Mike is trying to sleep! Oh my! I think I found it amusing, because I really resonated. Shortly after Sheridan was born and I left a full-time career to raise her, I made my own foray into Creative Memories. I still have two empty scrapbooks in my basement to prove that my particular foray was not all that creative! I did start another scrapbook where no creative cutting was required, but only the scraping of my words across the page. Whenever I read what little I wrote about my baby daughter, I’m both grateful and regretful. I wish I’d written more. I was also amazed at your honesty about not liking kids that much. Wow, that took some hudspah! And thankfully, Faye took your comment well! =] Last winter, I told our now-twenty-year-old daughter, Sheridan, that I didn’t want to go to where she was teaching Sunday School, because it was (and I quote) “infested with children,” and I might get sick. I’m a vocalist and get paranoid about winter illnesses. Talk about “Freudian” slip! I surely didn’t mean it the way it came out of my mouth, but Sheridan won’t let me forget it. The truth is that I’m not great with kids and don’t gravitate to them. As a mother, frankly, I flew by the seat of my pantyhose. It’s a miracle that Sheridan turned out well! It doesn’t mean that I didn’t love Sheridan as a child or that I don’t try to treat children kindly, but I gravitate to elderly adults. And, frankly, many do not. So you’re right; We can each serve (and do so far better) in the area of our gifts and proclivities. I’m so glad that I learned that. And those Sunday School kids are so fortunate that Sheridan is teaching them and not I. They adore her. And so do I. And you know what? She still loves me even with half a baby scrapbook!
Fondly,
Lynn
PS Michelle, you might try art journaling or collage for fun. Believe it or not, I, who have not an artistic bone in my body, but really love collaging. I never thought I would, and now I’m the collage poster child of the century.
This is such a funny and honest story, Lynn – I can relate to so much of it. Poor Rowan, our second child, didn’t get a scrapbook. Luckily so far he doesn’t seem to give a hoot about that.
I totally blurted that to Faye without thinking, but she understood what I meant, thank goodness. Of course I love my own kids, but like you, I am better with the elderly.
Thanks for sharing your stories, Lynn – I so appreciate you!
Oh, and I appreciate you and your beautiful writing. And poor Rowan…..now you sound like my mother. I, as the eldest child, got the baby scrapbook. None of the other three did, because she said she was too busy taking care of them. You and she could commiserate! =] Thanks for all you do, Michelle!
You know Michelle I think it is a strength you recognize your gifts and know when ask to do something that is NOT your gift, you decline. I think that is great. I wasn’t much of a scrapbooker either but did put one long sampler together for each of the my kids for their senior year. It about killed me. By the way, my daughter now makes those digital books – still takes time but is a little easier now.
Oh yes, I’ve done a couple of digital photo books – much more my speed, Jean.
I knew, at least in the case of teaching Sunday School, that I would be more of a detriment than a help, so I had to decline that one. Like a lot of women, though, I still often feel obligated to say yes to something that is not a particularly good fit either for my skills or my season in life right now. Still working on that.
I like you even more because you told the Children’s Ministry director that you didn’t like kids.
Hey, I was going to link up today, but didn’t see the linky thing…is it too early? Am I overlooking it? Maybe both!
It’s there now – sorry…oversight on my part. I’m excited you are planning to link up!
I’m with you on scrapbooking. I have one pair of fancy scissors, and whenever I use them, the cutting is crooked and it looks awful! I have a private blog about my boys, and that serves as my scrapbook – an admission of my lack of color coordination and decorative skills 🙂 So yes, I think God gave us all certain skills and one key to happiness is to realize what those are and use them. Often that means saying no to opportunities outside of our skill set – always hard, but easier when I admit that I don’t have to be great at everything.
P.S. I don’t see the link-up this morning . . .
learning to say “no” was a huge step in my life. huge. and., like amy, i love that you told the CM that you don’t really like kids! awesome.
I actually love scrapbooking, but I hate the amount of time it takes so I do it rarely. But early on I decided to do yearly school scrapbooks for both my daughters. They’ve both since graduated high school (and one, college), and I’m still not finished. 🙂 It nags at me constantly. I’ve made concerted efforts to finish THIS year, and I only have one scrapbook to go! So relieved.
It’s such a gift to know your gifts. Yes, we do need to experiment periodically with new things to find hidden gifts, but it’s also wonderful to be able to say yes or no with confidence about what we can do or not do. Great post, Michelle.
WOW, yearly scrapbooks, Lisa??!! You are my hero!!
my scrap booking would be a lot like yours. 🙂
i spent years trying to tell myself that i enjoy organization and responsibility. i thought that was what i was ‘supposed’ to like and to be. boy, was i miserable those years. now, i stick to what i enjoy. to who i am. to what feeds me. writing, music, anything outdoors. doing as little organization as a homeschooling mama of seven can get away with. a little book called “strength-finder” helped me greatly in this pursuit. i wonder if you are familiar with it? you have captured its essence in this post, anyway.
thanks, Michelle.
Oh my gosh, I love the StrengthsFinder – I first did it as part of my work department a few years ago – it was so illuminating. My officemate and I cracked up because her number one strength was empathy and mine was something like “results” or “focus.” I felt like Donald Trump rooming with Mother Teresa!
On a side note…how did I now know you have 7 kids??!!! You are a total rockstar in my book for homeschooling 7 children, dear friend.
yeah? . . . maybe a rockstar till you peek inside my bathroom. 😉
This is the hard part…yes, I know my strengths. I am a teacher and a writer. That much is clear. However, I am also called to function compassionately as a mother and a wife and a caregiver. I am, by nature desiring solitude, called to entertain, sometimes a lot. Are these the best uses of my time and gifts? No, but neither can I cast them aside. They stretch me. They round me out. And they bring me closer to God because I need Him to practice them. So, my strengths are great but, well, they may not be the best part of my life after all.
I appreciate your point very much, JoAnne. We are very often called to do things that are outside our natural gifts or our comfort zone, and you are so right, those moments and experiences help us grow and round us out AND compel us to rely more on God.
so so true.. it’s the gift He places in us that makes room for us, and there is such joy when we function in His gifts!
You are so right, there is so much joy when we are living out God’s will and using the gifts he gave us, rather than trying to be something we’re not.
I’ve had to say the same thing to our children’s ministry director. I don’t mind tending the babies, well I kinda do, but am willing to help out as needed, but please don’t ask me to teach a Sunday school class! Even as a teenaged girl I avoided the younger kids and didn’t go all swoony over the new babies.
I never once babysat in my whole entire life. The first diaper I ever changed was my own newborn’s. So NOT gifted with kids or newborns!
I think it was Brennan Manning who had the quote about “shoulding” all over ourselves. . . A definite weakness of mine. I think not knowing or honoring our strengths leaves us susceptible to guilt and shoulds and missing beautiful ways God can express Himself through us. And oh my do I wish I hadn’t spent so much time on those stinkin’ scrapbooks, for sure! I appreciate the thoughts you share here because I need to take them to heart.
When you adopt children domestically often you HAVE To make a scrapbook of yourselves to be shown and are HIGHLY encouraged to make one for your kids after they come home. I hate scrapbooking and have zero creativity. So I used good ol’ fashioned computer for the job 🙂
You may benefit from taking a Spiritual Gifts’ assessment. They really can help you understand who God made you to be and where you are best suited the serve.
Fortunately, I do know my strengths and abilities, and have learned, at long last, to say “no” when necessary. But, it took a long time to get there!
With you, I’m definitely NOT a scrapbook type. 🙂
Blessings, Michelle!
Laughing here too! I know my strengths and weaknesses, but I don’t think I know my limits well enough. That Superwoman complex kicks in, and I’m off to conquer new projects. Redheaded and stubborn must go together, because the Lord has to SHOW me my limits after I’ve plunged in too far and deep, usually. (Which reminds me, I need to go work on my independent study class and then grade 88 research papers, and then…) Argh!
Michelle, I laughed out loud as well @ the part that you really don’t like little kids very well 🙂 I emailed Faye and told her how thankful I was that you turned her down to teach Sunday school. If either you and/or Brad had decided to teach Sunday school I might not have been blessed to have your sons in my class. I chalked today up as my “Selfish Monday”. I am thankful that you do what you are good at and I do what I am good at!!! Blessings.
Love this, DeEtte!
Ha! I don’t care to scrapbook either. My first two children had baby books as well as a photo book, while the rest only had a photo book that got smaller the more children we had!!
What wisdom, Michelle! And so very true. God has given each of us unique gifts and talents to use. One time my wise parents told me, “A need does not constitute a call.” That wisdom has helped me a lot. I also remember the time I signed up to bring every kids snack for Bible Study – because my kids were the only ones in childcare!! One of the women told me I wasn’t going to do that because I was robbing the other ladies of the blessing of giving. Wow! Thanks for sharing your insight. Hugs to you!
Michelle
Oh, my! This made me remember the year I let myself get dragged into teaching the Cubbies for AWANA on Wednesday nights at church. I love to teach, but a room full of 4 year olds is definitely not my cup of tea.
Learning to say no is so hard sometimes…. I find it much easier now that I am older (and wiser!).
Great post! 🙂
Michelle, I’m commenting a day later than I meant to, but I have to say I love this post. It’s so true – we women always feel like we have to say “yes” to everything. I’m just now learning to embrace my strengths and not let others make me feel bad for those things I’m not gifted at or passionate about. The biggest area I struggle with this is on the job. I know I’m not suited to a large high stress NYC corporation, but I keep finding myself stuck in that hamster wheel if you will. My real passion is for entrepreneurship, ministry, small organizations and lots of people to people interaction. I’m praying that God will help me step into an environment where I can be myself so to speak and not feel as if I have to pretend to be someone else. Also, it’s comforting to read that you aren’t good with newborns. I love the idea of a house full of my own kids, but I’m soooo not good with other people’s children! Thanks for sharing!
Michelle,
This is true – except that God can sometimes take someone totally inept and with Jesus can make that person able to do more than he could possibly do. Yes, it is good to have a passion for something – but if God places that passion on your heart and you don’t think you are qualified – think again. God doesn’t call the equipped – He equips the qualified.
Understand though that people sometimes make us think we need to do something that God has NOT placed on our hearts – that is when we need to say a definite NO.
Blessings and thanks for the Linky.
Janis