When Holley Gerth asked us to put our dream down on paper a few weeks ago at the Jumping Tandem Retreat, I didn’t do it. After all, I figured I already have a dream, this writing/publishing dream. I’m still working on that one, right? I don’t need another dream, do I? So I sat quietly in my seat with my pen in my lap and watched as everyone else in the room wrote out their dream on paper.
Later that weekend I listened in the third row as Jennifer Dukes Lee spoke about the feeling of not being “enough.” She asked us to write a word on a rock – a word that signified what was holding us back, what was gripping us with fear like a gloved hand around our throats in the dark of night. I wrote “comparison” on my rock.
Comparison.
Comparing my words with others’.
Comparing my number of readers, my number of Facebook likes.
Comparing how many speaking engagements I have lined up on my schedule compared to her or her or her.
Jennifer told us she and her daughters were going to hurl each of those rocks to the bottom of an Iowa lake. She would drown my comparison beneath ten feet of water, bury it under a mound of pond sludge. I was good with that.
Home from the conference, I cracked open my Bible. It had been a while. I’d left off in Second Corinthians.
“I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life,” I read. “…The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way … Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively.”(2 Corinthians 6:11-13)
And there it was: my dream. The one I didn’t even know I had, laid out in black and white where I never expected to find it.
I wanted what was written right there on the pages of my Bible. I didn’t want to live in a small way anymore. I wanted to live openly and expansively. I wanted to enter the wide-open, spacious life. THAT was my dream.
I’ve been living small, friends. Cramped and crumpled into myself, turned inward, caught up in comparison, crowded by expectations, lured by the enticements of this world: sales, success, being known, being valued.
This inward-focus? It’s not a spacious place. It’s not a wide-open, expansive place. It’s a small, cold, lonely, bitter place.
After I read those verses from Second Corinthians and I stared my dream in the face, my dream of living not small and crumpled inward, but openly and expansively, I wondered what that might look like and feel like, in real, everyday life.
Here’s what I came up with. Here the list I made in my journal that day:
Wide-open, spacious living feels: Free. Secure. Joyful. Light. Unburdened. Enough. Content. Not heavy with guilt or “not enough.” Hopeful. God-focused. Like an open prairie, rather than a crushing crowd.
And then, beneath that, I made second list: steps to take when I find myself turning inward again, when I revert, as Paul says, to living life in a small way:
1. Turn off: from Facebook, Twitter, blogs and all social media. Physically shut down the mechanisms that are fueling comparison and smallness and “not enough.”
2. Turn outward: Shine the spotlight via praise or kind words on someone else, either online or in real life.
3. Turn to now: Focus on the right now — your family, your husband, your friends, the small moments. Enjoy the beauty of your place right now. Enjoy what’s happening in your writing and publishing journey right now. Focus on what you can do today and know that it is enough.
4. Turn to God: In gratitude, prayer and thanksgiving. Thankfulness is the seed of satisfaction.
That’s it. My four steps to living a wide-open, spacious life:
Turn off.
Turn outward.
Turn to now.
Turn to God.
I’m trying it. I’m committed to it. This wide-open, spacious life sounds too good to miss.
So what about you? What’s keeping you from living the wide-open, spacious life God wants for you? Can you make your own list of steps to take when you find yourself living small and cramped? Do you want to be brave and maybe say out loud, right here, what’s holding you back from living wide-open? I’m with you. You know that, right?
Awesome post, Michelle. Other steps I’ve taken are to remove stat counters, and without turning them off altogether (I live in the boonies and it would make my life too small to back off altogether), I severely limit my online contacts and reading. I think gratitude for everything that God has given me is the key – and I’ll be forever grateful (no pun intended) to Ann for pointing all of us in that direction.
I just realized I probably have my priorities mixed up when I listed “turn to God” last in the 4 steps. I’m thinking that’s Step #1! But that’s how I processed it in my journal, so that’s how it got written here.
Thanks for your added suggestions, Patricia!
So grateful for this message. I’ve found so many times in the past that when I get all stuck on myself #2 does wonders.
Absolutely, Wendy. When I find envy and jealousy rearing its ugly head, praising someone else takes the punch right out of those negative feelings.
“Home from the conference, I cracked open my Bible. It had been a while. ”
Thanks for your honesty, Michelle. I, too, find that when life gets crazier than usual, the most vital relationship—my gracious gentleman Redeemer and His love letter to me—is often the neglected priority, just when I need it most. When I turn back to Him and His words, He seems to sweep out the chaos.
I raise a toast to all who purpose to turn to God! He is faithful, even when I am faithless. (2 Tim 2:13)
And I just love how God works. Right when I needed that exact message, it was there for me on the page I opened. It struck me like lightning, I swear!
I have a writing dream, too, and God just brought me to this place, except He showed me that trying to please people is idolatry. I am only to please Him. What a great description of a feeling of wide open space instead of small living. Thank you for this description for me to add to my arsenal of truth!!
Oh yeah, I know idolatry, Christy! I so hear what you are saying.
So much wisdom wrapped up into four small steps. I appreciate this struggle, and I so want to stand in that free, wide-open expanse with you.
Come on in, Kimberly – let’s party together in the wide-open space! 🙂
What a wonderful post of wisdom. Thank you.
Thanks, Amy.
Breathing d-e-e-p-l-y as I read your words Michelle. And longing for the wide open spaces too. Your beautiful pictures help tell the story that my heart longs to live. Thanks for processing with us!
I love the prairie – it’s such a beautiful metaphor for how I am yearning to live.
Thanks for coming by, Caryn!
Michelle, I see this in you. I see you living this and living large. In God. It is obvious, and it is beautiful. It’s as if you’re on Spirit steroids and it makes me want more of what you have (not in an envious way, because that would defeat the purpose of this post, right?). XXOO
Ha, Spirit Steroids – I kind of love that (although I don’t really feel it myself, you know? But more often than not I’m not aware of how the HS is working in the moment. It takes some 20/20 hindsight with me.) xxoo to you, too!
I love this post and the practical wisdom that you shared. It ties in with a theme God has been speaking to me about since I have been feeling better post surgery — savoring every moment to the day. Life is a gift. I don’t want to squander it. 🙂
I’m all about practical, Lyli!
And I am so glad you are finally feeling better – man, you’ve been through the ringer these last few months!
I’m convinced the enemy of our soul uses comparison to keep us feeling defeated. Michelle, thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully. I really enjoyed your session at Jumping Tandem and I’ve enjoyed reading your blog since I’ve been back home.
May God be glorified!
Kendra
Kenda, I SO enjoyed meeting and talking with you at Jumping Tandem. Thank you for your kind words today.
This is so beautiful, Michelle! And now I have seen some of that literal wide open space about which you speak–now that I have visited your beautiful space in NE! I also understand only too well that narrow-minded focus of competitiveness and envy. This does not honor God, and I have dishonored God when I do this! I love your idea here about letting Him widen your view to applaud others’ gifts and to widen our hearts in gratitude. I read this today in “Springs in the Valley,” and I share it with you, because (while it was written many years ago), I think it captures the truth of what you are saying. Reading for May 17th: “We are ‘joint-heirs with Christ.’ Because of Christ, God flings wide open the whole kingdom, and simply asks that we take its best. Out of famine–into the best that the kingdom affords! Not only that, but rulers of the King’s own property! O, Lord Jesus, forgive my unfaith! Open my sin-bound, self-centered eyes to the wonders of Thy love. Teach me how to receive more. The best of the kingdom: that means Thee. I take Thee, Lord, as my feast of Eternal Life.” Isn’t that beautiful? God bids of us live with the feast of His goodness and not the famine of our sinfulness. Thank you for sharing so beautifully today, my gifted author friend Michelle.
I also wanted to add here that I appreciated your sharing openly on your views on homosexuality and your support of your friends. That took courage, and you knew that you would encounter differing opinions. Admittedly, I was surprised to read this on a Christian blog, and I respectfully disagree. I didn’t have the time to respond the day you wrote it, and still unfortunately don’t…because I would wish to respond carefully and prayerfully. It is my hope to respond to your post in truth and love. I’m getting ready for a trip to the British Isles, but when God opens up my time, I hope to respond to you. But I do want to say that I feel what you said you did out of love for your friends and from a sincere heart. In love, I wish to say that I feel your comments, while sincere, were misguided. I also again so appreciate your courage and compassion. More later…..and in the meantime, I LOVE TODAY’S POST!
Love
Lynn
Lynn, I love your heart. Thank you, friend. {and thank you for that piece from “Springs of the Valley” — especially this part: “Open my sin-bound, self-centered eyes to the wonders of Thy love. Teach me how to receive more.” Amen. }
Oh I’m just so glad you loved that quote as much as I! Have you read both Streams in the Desert and Springs in the Valley? Both are collected quotes, readings, Scripture compiled in the early 1920s (I think), though writings would even date prior to that), by a Mrs. Couchman at her husband’s passing. She wanted to share with others those readings that greatly comforted her at a time of sadness. I highly recommend them. One can find them in updated language, but being the purist I am (ha!!), I love the more antiquated verbiage. God has used these devo books at pivotal points in my life to comfort and guide. Just thought you might be interested.
Love, Lynn
PS I take it if Brad likes Moby Dick, then he is a purist as well! =]
You mean Step 1 isn’t “Move to the prairie”?
I am going to follow your advice and do #1 right now. Love you, sister.
I need to follow my own advice on #1 this afternoon, too. It’s too beautiful to be on the computer. I have a homemade iced coffee in my hand and gladness in my heart (much of that due to our conversations – thank you. love you.).
Oh Michelle, this is excellent–to live life ‘wide open’ and free! I would think we all want that…at least I know I do. It is difficult to always respond with joy to friends who seem to have it ‘goin’ on’ in their lives when our life feels small or not as successful. But it is always good and right to rejoice with those who rejoice. It isn’t a reflection on our own life when things may come slower to us than it does to them. You are an excellent writer, no matter the topic, and I enjoy you so much. That’s why you’re on my Top 3 List to read! I also appreciate your honesty when you say you hadn’t read your Bible in awhile. I know I’m not alone in that same thing. As long as we keep coming back, He sees the desire in our hearts. I’m going to file this one, Michelle!
Jilllie, I just want to say that I’m glad you came back today. I know my post earlier this week was hard for you (and so many others), and I’m just grateful that you and I are still good, you know what I mean? That means a lot to me.
Michelle, I love your comment here. The thing is that sometimes Christians will disagree over very serious concerns, and yet we should ultimately strive for unity in the Body of Christ. We disagree (and sometimes animatedly), but we still should extend love, one toward the other. I see you and Jillie doing that here.
L.
Wow! Once again, you hit me! Inspired me! Touched me at a time when I need to hear your words. I love your 4 steps, though, I’ll have to leave one social media in for me and that is…to take time to read your blog each day! Thanks!
Your words touched my heart and soul so deeply, Michelle. It is so easy to be lured into what the world demands and to forget how special and loved we are in God’s eyes. I, too, have discovered that comparing myself with others is simply a waste of time and energy; we have the gifts we do for a reason, and we need to focus on those in the here and now.
Love your four steps! Will save these to remind me of where I need to be when the world comes knocking at my door.
Blessings, my friend!
Hi Michelle,
God is at work on us dreamers…I wrote about a similar experince today in a guest post for Coming Alive Ministries. (www.laurarath.blogspot.com) I just love how God shows us what He wants us to see, just when He says the time is right!
Blessings,
Laura
This post is fabulous. I love every single word of it. And I couldn’t agree more. It is like you were speaking my thoughts. I have to admit that I’m a bit envious of the fact that you’ve already “made it” as a published author and I’m still struggling away, but it is nice to hear that others deal with the same feelings of inadequacy that I deal with. For what it’s worth, your blog is one of my must-reads. I enjoy it so much more than some of the other “popular” (whatever that means) blogs.
Also, the retreat you talk about sounds amazing. Is there another one and when is it?
Hi Christine,
First, thank you so much for your kindness. Second, I want to encourage you not to give up on your God-given dream. I know you’ve heard it said before, but his timetable is not our timetable. When my books come out next year, it will be the result of a 7-year process. Would I have loved for that journey to have happened much more quickly? Absolutely! But I know in my heart that God used that time to teach me many, many things about trust, obedience and idolatry – the lessons were hard (and I am still learning them), and the wait was long and frustrating at times, but I see now why it was so. So don’t give up – take heart, have faith, trust that his plan is good and that he always has the best plan worked out for you!
Finally, the retreat. Here is the url: http://jumpingtandem-ne.com/
Honestly, I don’t know if Deidra Riggs is planning a second annual Jumping Tandem Retreat – that remains to be seen. But keep an eye out for updates about that in the coming year either at the retreat url or at Deidra’s blog: http://deidrariggs.com.
Michelle – that is a lofty dream and very applicable. Thank you for the four steps. I’m writing them down as we speak.
Hugs,
Kelly
This was so good for me to read…encouraging, helpful!
Living a wider life. Yes. As I prepare for my last month in China … these words help me live into my dream.
I love the photos and the message. Thanks, Michelle.
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