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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

August 25, 2013 By Michelle 45 Comments

Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday: When Your Prayers Go Unanswered

“God has answered 90% of my prayers,” Noah declared recently at dinner.  “Really?” I asked. “So how do you know?”  I pictured an Excel spreadsheet with lots of columns and check marks. “I just sort of keep track of it,” Noah answered. “I just know.”

“Well I wish he’d answer 90% of my prayers,” Rowan said. “I get like 10% answered.”

I laughed out loud at that – Rowan can be a bit glass-half-empty. Like his mother. I assured Rowan that God has answered more than 10% of his prayers. It was more likely he wasn’t paying close attention and missed some of the answers along the way.

I reminded the kids that sometimes it seems like God doesn’t answer our prayers because the answers come later than we expected. “And sometimes,” I added, “God doesn’t give us exactly what we ask for because he has other, maybe better plans for us. Or because he has our best interests at heart, and knows that what we are praying for isn’t really good or right for us.”

“Yeah,” Noah agreed, “like the time I prayed for a wheelbarrow of candy. That was one of the ones God didn’t answer.”

“What? You prayed for a wheelbarrow of candy?” Rowan looked impressed by Noah’s prayer boldness. I could see the wheels turning.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus teaches us to ask God for what we need, assuring us that if we keep seeking, we will find, and if we keep knocking, the door will be opened (7:7). He also tells us that just as parents wouldn’t give their children a stone instead of bread, or a snake instead of fish, God gives only good gifts to his children.

I’d argue the opposite is implied in that passage, too. God knows what’s good for us, and like a protective parent, he tries to keep us from harm. He knows what lies ahead, what’s around the next bend. And he knows what will help us grow.

I know from personal experience that God uses the in-between waiting periods, the times when it feels like our prayers are going unanswered, to grow us closer to him. He also uses those periods to teach us something important about ourselves.

Believe me, I was not gracious or patient during the six years I waited for my first book to find a publishing home. I was obstinate and crabby and downright belligerent at times. But slowly during that period, I learned about the sins of envy and idolatry and how they impacted my relationship with God. And in that time, difficult as it was, I also learned to trust God more than I ever have before.

In the moment, I certainly didn’t recognize that period as a good gift from God, but that’s exactly what it turned out to be.

Questions for Reflection:
Can you think of a time in your life when it seemed like God didn’t answer your prayers? Is there something you learned from that experience? How did that strengthen or perhaps cause a bump in your relationship with God?

: :

Welcome to the “Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday” community, a place where we share what we are hearing from God and his Word. If you’re here for the first time, click here for more information.

Please include the Hear It, Use It button (grab the code below) or a link in your post, so your readers know where to find the community if they want to join in — thank you!

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Thank you — I am so grateful that you are here!

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Filed Under: God talk: talking to kids about God, Gospels, Prayer, Use It on Monday Tagged With: Gospel of Matthew, Hear It on Sunday Use It on Monday, how to talk to kids about God, trusting God, when God doesn't answer prayers

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lynn Morrissey says

    August 25, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    I have mentioned it here before, Michelle, but like you, I waited for a long time (it ssems to me) for my book to be published–ten years from the time it was a gleam God put in my eye–until I received my first printed copy. I don’t like writing in cliches, but frankly, it’s true and there is no better way to say it: God’s timing is perfect. In those ten years, I learned to trust Him and *HIs* faithfulness, surrencder my will to His, watch Him work through difficult trials that not only I would need to increase my faith but that my readers would relate to specifically, and I learned that He publishes a book the way that *He* wants to and it is best. I conceived a trade book–a paperback that was part inpiration, part instruction. But God wanted a book that was all inspiration and in a pretty gift-book format. I didn’t want a gift book, because I felt it would hinder my writing about some raw, painful experiences in my life. God knew that the pretty “package” would draw women in and create a lovely, safe ambience in which they could read about my struggles, to which they would personally relate. Mostly, God had me wait so that I would take my hands off pushing for publication in a manipulative way, and just trust Him to open the doors. Now I’m waiting for Him to open new doors and to give me the courage and strength to walk through them. And yes, I think that waiting (waiting on Him ) makes us stronger. I can’t wait (ha!) until the wait is over and I get to read your memoir!
    Love
    Lynn

    Reply
    • Jillie says

      August 26, 2013 at 9:35 am

      Ah Lynni…..I remember when your book finally arrived for me at my local Christian Bookstore! My first thought was how pretty it was. The hardcover. The gorgeous artwork inside and out. The whole “feminine” look and feel of the book. It did not detract from the message inside–it only enhanced it! You know how much I treasure my copy, to the point where I don’t even lend it out–I buy copies for friends, instead. 🙂 And I can’t “wait” for God’s next assignment for you. It will be good. Very good.

      Love, jillie

      Reply
      • Lynn Morrissey says

        August 26, 2013 at 10:11 am

        Ha! Jillie, you can’t wait, and I am still waiting for that next assignment, but God is faithful. PP that *I* will be! And I hear your heart’s cry on what you wrote below. We never go against our husbands, but realize that if God has a dream to fulfill through you (and He does), He will change the heart of your husband to support your dream. I’ll be praying.
        Love
        Lynni

        Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 9:57 am

      God knew what he was doing, Lynn – your book is beautiful!

      Reply
      • Lynn Morrissey says

        August 26, 2013 at 10:06 am

        Thank you so much, Jillie and Michelle, and how I pray that what I wrote didn’t “sound” like a self-serving commercial! Oh my! THat’s so far from my intent. I do thank you both for your very kind words; but Michelle, what you wrote so resonates w/ me and I went into detail, hoping that other authors who are waiting for book publication (or others who are waiting, period), would take hope that God has reasons for seasons of waiting, which are pregnant with purpose. And it’s not just waiting that He orchestrates, but multitudinous and infinitessimal details that we can’t always understand (like gift books versus tradebooks!). He has His purposes, and as we surrender to Him in those, He often so graciously explains them to us, which will greatly increase our faith. I might add too that waits can also help us see the impossibility of a promise. The longer we wait, the more impossible the promise seems to be. And then God…….And then God, in the utter human impossiblity of a situtaion, breaks forth in glory and power, and shows us that ALL things are possible w/ Him. We take our hands off, and God does it, and He gets the glory. Michelle, I think His glory will be written between every line of your book, and I can’t wait to read it!
        Love
        Lynn

        Reply
  2. Judith at WholeHearted Home says

    August 25, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    There are many times in my life that I waited a long time to receive something that I desired. That isn’t the kind of prayer I pray too often. Often, these things (like praying to have a baby, or a home) were things that I waited a long time for an answer. I have appreciated God’s answer so much because after a ‘wait’ the answer is so precious. Then there are times that He answers me so fast that it is just amazing. I had an answer like this recently after praying for that thing just once.

    Thank you for hosting, Michele. I always love reading your post that precedes your linkup. I sit in church now, thinking, that would be something nice to write about. In the writing a post about something we heard in church it cements what the Lord was saying as we turn around and share it with others. The internet is a place that is used so much for evil that it is just wonderful to have a community where the Lord is lifted up in such a wonderful way. God bless your day!!

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 9:58 am

      I’m SO glad you are finding the #HearItUseIt link-up useful, Judith. It really does help me, as you said, to cement God’s message in my heart. I love digging into the scripture more than I would ordinarily and really thinking about it and how it relates to my life.

      Thank you for your kind words!

      Reply
  3. Hazel Moon says

    August 26, 2013 at 1:04 am

    I had to chuckle at your boys and their bold prayers, especially the load of Candy! God answers most of my prayers, and some I am still waiting on. I take notes of my pastors sermon and digest it down to one page. That way I hope it gets read by my viewers.
    Thank you for hosting your lovely site.

    Reply
  4. Janis says

    August 26, 2013 at 3:10 am

    I loved the frankness of your boys, Michelle. And I thought you did a good job answering them. There have been several times when I have felt that God had not answered my prayers~and I’m in a waiting period at this moment. Sometimes I’ve learned that God had other plans for my life. Sometimes, I’ve learned that there was something He wanted to change in me. And sometimes, I just never quite figured it out but trusted Him to get me through the situation anyway. I’m learning right now to put my hope and trust in Him. Learning to let go and trust that He really has the situation in control even when I can’t see it.
    Thank you, Michelle, for hosting.
    Blessings,
    Janis

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 9:59 am

      That’s so true, Janis – good point: sometimes we don’t always figure it out, but it all comes back to trust and knowing that God always has our best interests at heart.

      Reply
  5. Janis says

    August 26, 2013 at 3:13 am

    Michelle,
    I’m still at this site on Blogger~have not made the complete switch from “Open My Ears, Lord” to “Heart-Filled Moments” on WordPress.
    Janis

    Reply
  6. Joanne Viola says

    August 26, 2013 at 4:54 am

    I loved the “wheelbarrow of candy”! Perhaps that is why God tells us to be like little children – they have a boldness that we somehow lose. May we learn that “not now” is also an answer 🙂 It is not the answer we desire, but it is an answer, none the less. God knows & always has our best interests at heart. Thank you for this reminder this morning!
    Have a blessed Monday,
    Joanne

    Reply
  7. Lisa notes says

    August 26, 2013 at 7:21 am

    This is good, Michelle. Love that you have conversations like that with your boys. Precious. And great learning opportunities for us too!

    There have been lots of times I didn’t get that wheelbarrow of candy either. (But sometimes I have! My husband is one example.) It’s sometimes hard for us when he gives us better than we ask for, and we aren’t mature enough to appreciate it. But one day we will be.

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 10:00 am

      Such a good point, Lisa: that sometimes we aren’t mature enough and can’t see the real gift he is giving us. Nicely stated, friend.

      Reply
  8. kelli woodford says

    August 26, 2013 at 9:48 am

    The recounting of your boys’ conversation made me smile ear-to-ear. We have one son (our Noah) as confident as the day is long, while his brother is more like your Rowan – glass half-empty. 😉

    Isn’t it beautiful how we can all learn from each other … even in unexpected ways like the older learning from the younger and the parent learning from the child. There have been few surprises in my life like hearing God’s words through a tiny voice. Maybe that’s an answered prayer in its own way, eh?

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 10:01 am

      My kids teach me so much. Sometimes when I am stumped on a verse, or can’t think of what to write about for #HearItUseIt, I purposefully engage them in conversation, and without fail, they always have something to teach me.

      Reply
  9. Jillie says

    August 26, 2013 at 9:49 am

    Good Monday Morning to you, Michelle. Excellent post. Had to laugh again at those boys of yours. They give such excellent opportunity for you to teach…as you sit together, and as you walk by the road, and multitudes of other times and places! I LOVE the simple faith of a child, their openness. YOU are a very good Mom–never too busy to engage with their questions and observations.
    I have prayed for “wagon-loads of candy” too. My dreams have been dampened though, by a husband who is too much of a “realist”. He often walks by sight, not by faith. I know God can do anything, yet I often lose heart. And then I stop asking God. I have a framed quote which says, “When we give up on our dreams, we’re putting God in a box.” Written by a man who has no arms and no legs! Oh, to have that kind of fearless faith again.

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 26, 2013 at 10:03 am

      I am very much that realist, too, Jillie – walking by sight so often, and not by faith. My favorite prayer: I believe, Lord help me with my unbelief. It’s a struggle for me, so I do get where your husband is coming from.

      Reply
  10. Jessica says

    August 26, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Love the blog today Michelle. It hits home. I also loved the wheelbarrow of candy idea and may add that to my list as well. =)

    Reply
  11. DAD says

    August 26, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    I think a wheel barrel full of candy is kind of neat. Hats off to Noah!

    Reply
    • Michelle DeRusha says

      August 27, 2013 at 8:49 am

      Hugs, Dad!

      Reply
  12. Mary says

    August 26, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    The in-between, waiting times are sometimes the hardest for me. Oh, who am I kidding…I think they are ALWAYS the hardest. But, eventually, things work out and he meets me and holds my hand or carries me.
    Michelle, this is lovely and I love the faith conversations you have with your kids. And sometimes I feel like the 10% others the 90%! 🙂

    Reply
  13. Lori says

    August 26, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    I heard once that becoming impatient is telling God that MY plans are more important than HIS plans. Ouch. Certainly don’t want to be guilty of this, so I yield and trust, yield and trust, with a little submission (ok, a lot) thrown in for good measure. The waiting is making me stronger, wiser, and more trusting as I see the fruit of God’s timing versus my own. Thanks for sharing your thoughts today 🙂

    Reply
  14. Pamela says

    August 27, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I’ve been guilty of praying wheelbarrow prayers. God’s been teaching me a lot about prayer lately. He wants to answer so many more of our prayers. He’s just waiting for us to pray them.

    Reply
  15. Megan Willome says

    August 27, 2013 at 11:22 am

    I’m in an in between time right now. And as difficult as it’s been, it’s been a respite. Some days–like today–I see that and say, Thank You.

    Reply
  16. Laura says

    August 27, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    I’m late to the party this week — and I thought God was late in answering prayers, too. But I learned to “praise Him in the hallway” and that made waiting sweeter. You should come on over this week, Michelle, and see what waiting brought! (Hint: Wedding pictures abound.) :0)

    Reply
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Living out faith in the everyday is no joke. If you’re anything like me, some days you feel full of confidence and hope, eager to proclaim God’s goodness and love to the world. Other days…not so much.

Let me say straight up: I wrestle with my faith. Most days I feel a little bit like Jacob, wrangling his blessing out of God. And most days I’m okay with that. I believe God made me a questioner and a wrestler for a reason, and I believe one of those reasons is so that I can connect more authentically with others.

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