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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

January 8, 2014 By Michelle 30 Comments

Fail Better

A couple of weeks ago I came across last year’s list of New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s just say 2013 was an epic fail, as least as far as resolutions are concerned:

Exercise: Register and run for a 10K. Fail.

Sleep: Lights off by 10 p.m.; up at 5:45 a.m. Fail.

Health: Take a multi-vitamin and calcium pill daily. Fail.

Spirituality: Dinnertime Bible reading. Fail.

Work: Off the computer between 7-9 a.m. and between 3:30 – 9 p.m. Fail times ten.

Like I said, epic fail.

The thing about failure is that it can really set you back (no kidding, right?). You can look at all the ways you missed the mark, and you can conclude you’re a loser with a capital L. A flub. A big-fat-never-going-to-get-anywhere failure. A why-should-I-even-bother-trying disaster.

Or, you can make a different choice. You can choose, as writer Dani Shapiro says, to fail better.

At first glance that doesn’t make a bit of sense, does it? Fail better? What good is that? you might ask. I don’t want merely to fail better, I want to succeed. I want to move forward. I want to overcome, excel, get ahead, reach my goal, surpass my goal.

Fail better? No thank you very much.

But the hard  truth is, success isn’t possible without failure first. To fail better, as Shapiro says, “to be willing to fail — not just once, but again and again, over the course of a lifetime” is key. Failing again and again, failing better, is a necessary part of the process.

J.K. Rowling’s manuscript for Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before it was eventually published, and even then, her editor advised her to get a day job, predicting she would never make a living writing children’s fiction.

Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the multi-billion dollar company he’d built from the ground up. “I was a very public failure,” he noted in a 2005 commencement speech to Stanford University graduates.

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”

I don’t need to tell you how each of these people pressed on with tenacity, putting one foot in front of the other despite the fact that they undoubtedly felt like a big, fat failure at the time. And you can bet these epic failures aren’t the only ones they endured along the way. These are only the failures we know about.

Even the big-wig apostle Paul failed. He persecuted and murdered Christians for years before he met Jesus on the road to Damascus. Then, after his dramatic conversion, he continued to fail, acknowledging that even with the best intentions, he failed time and time again.

“I don’t really understand myself,” he admitted in his letter to the Romans, “for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate…I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.” (Romans 7:15, 19)

Can’t you hear the frustration in his voice? The despair? The complete and utter disappointment in himself?

But Paul’s story doesn’t end there, in defeat. He doesn’t give up; he doesn’t let failure overcome him. Instead, he presses on, determined and faithful. “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,” he tells the Philippians, “but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” (3:13) Paul presses on. He resolves to fail better.

Rowling, Jobs, Disney and yes, even Paul, remind us that failure is not only inevitable but necessary, and not only in work, but across the spectrum: in our jobs, in parenting, in marriage, in friendship, in faith. Failure is always, always part of the recipe for success, yet we need not dwell on our shortcomings. We need not obsess over where and how many times we’ve missed the mark. Instead, we reflect, we try to learn from the missteps, we take stock, and then we press on in faith and hope.

::

My 2014 Resolutions:

1. Improve microbiome health with regular probiotics.
2.  Exercise: Run 4-5 days/week.
3. No computer 7-9 a.m. and 4:30-9 p.m.
4. Daily morning Bible reading 6-6:30 a.m. &
#TheJesusProject memorization
5. Fail Better

And with Holley Gerth’s new link-up here.

Forget the Resolutions...Here's the One New Year's Question That Can Change Everything
New Year's Resolutions and the One Word...or Not

Filed Under: failure, New Year's Resolutions Tagged With: Dani Shapiro, New Year's Resolutions, Philippians, Romans, the benefits of failure

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lynn Morrissey says

    January 8, 2014 at 6:54 am

    Michelle, thank you for this encouraging post. I woke early, and instead of just getting up, I lay in the dark, consumed w/ failure….mine and my poor brother’s. He’s going through a monumental divorce which finalizes the day before his 32nd anniversary later this month. He’s had failures too numerous to account, many not of his own doing in one sense. He’s needed help. And I? too numerous to count too. But God has been encouraging me lately through the lives of Peter and Abrahmam. Citing Paul is a good example, and we could throw in Moses and many others in the Bible. God’s word is honest, and we all fail. But it’s filled with hope about the God who overcomes through us. Thank you for your vunerability here, and also your clear voice of hope. Here’s to failing better in 2014, Michelle and to better successes too.
    Love
    Lynn

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      January 8, 2014 at 8:22 am

      Oh Lynn, friend, be encouraged, be hopeful. I know, I know, it’s so hard sometimes. I have had so, so many mornings of laying in bedroom darkness, unable to get up – I get it, I do. But know that you have SO, so many gifts, gifts that you offer so generously. And even if those gifts aren’t being used in ways that you might hope right now, know that they are being used and are benefitting so many, including me. Sending prayers for hope and encouragement, Lynn, for both you and your brother.

      Reply
      • Lynn Morrissey says

        January 8, 2014 at 1:57 pm

        You have literally brought tears to my eyes, and i’m grateful for you, more than you know. God bless you, sweet Michelle. You’ve been a ray of hope today.
        Love
        Lynn

        Reply
  2. Shelly Miller says

    January 8, 2014 at 7:43 am

    I often think of Kathryn Stockett and all those rejections on her first book manuscript. The thing that strikes me the most about failing is the courage and gumption to continue doing what you are called to despite rejection. Not letting failure be who you are but a catalyst to fulfill calling. Great thoughts Michelle. I saw you post about that book, it sounds good.

    Reply
    • Michelle says

      January 8, 2014 at 8:20 am

      Failure = a catalyst to fulfill calling. I love that, Shelly.

      Reply
  3. jean Wise says

    January 8, 2014 at 8:33 am

    You are so encouraging. I am focusing on practicing, not perfecting. Persisting and Dani says it – isn’t that the best book? – failing better. I’m noticing lately I just can’t switch good habits off and on. It takes me several days to ramp up. So I am being gentling with myself and just plain keep trying. love your writing, Michelle.

    Reply
  4. Ann Kroeker says

    January 8, 2014 at 9:27 am

    You can fail better, or set easier goals. In college, I would make my to-do list the night before. The first item I would always write out: “Wake up.” Instant success! So affirming! Progress!

    I did read an article–can’t remember where–that had a “make easier goals” title. But the author’s point was not to do my college to-do list trick but rather to set myself up for success. For example, he wrote that if the goal is to wake up each morning and run, set out all of the running gear ahead of time, every bit of it, so that the minute you wake up, your goal is staring you in the face and made super easy to achieve. Just roll out of bed and pull on those clothes. You could even put a stool or chair right next to the bed with all the gear and pull on most of it while still IN bed.

    Anyway, you get the idea. I thought that was practical and wise.

    So for the no computer goal you set? Schedule your Internet to turn off at the goal time. Boom. No more Facebook (except via your phone, which might be cheating a little). Daily morning Bible reading? Open to the exact passage and leave Bible open by bedside. That kind of thing.

    It’s really opened my eyes to how I can break bad habits and actually achieve reasonable goals by getting in a new groove.

    Reply
  5. Kimberly says

    January 8, 2014 at 9:37 am

    I don’t make resolutions, but I do try to set larger goals which naturally lead to changes in my daily life in order to achieve them. I didn’t meet too many of my goals for 2013 either, but looking at it through the lens of “failing better”, I realize I’m still further along in reaching them than I was the year before. And I learned more about myself in the process, which I suppose is really a win in terms of progress:)

    Reply
  6. Jeri Taira says

    January 8, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Wonderful words of grace. Gentle to the spirit. Visiting from Holley’s place today. God Bless.

    Reply
  7. Linda says

    January 8, 2014 at 10:47 am

    This so beautifully expresses what we all feel and know (deep inside somewhere). Yet we so often beat ourselves up and give up in discouragement. I read something by Ruth Graham I am often reminded of when I want to stop even trying because what’s the use – “Discouragement is the devil’s calling card.” Once he’s got us there, he effectively cuts us off at the knees. I hardly take a step into the day before I’ve broken the promises I’ve made to myself and Him. I’m learning, ever so slowly, it doesn’t mean He won’t use even that to grow me stronger. I’m preparing my heart, as I come to the end of writing this little mystery that’s been a dream in my heart for years and years – to give it open-handed to Him.

    Reply
  8. DAD says

    January 8, 2014 at 11:10 am

    Resolution # 5 Be nice to your Dad

    Reply
    • Lynn Morrissey says

      January 8, 2014 at 2:00 pm

      Resolution #6: Blog responders to nice to Michelle’s dad! I know who’s going to be first in line at Michelle’s booksigning! Wish I could be there.
      Happy New Year, Mr. D!
      Lynn!

      Reply
  9. Jessica McMullen says

    January 8, 2014 at 11:23 am

    I have never heard the Disney example before! Wow. My mind is blown.

    Reply
  10. Tonya Salomons says

    January 8, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Michelle… I just love this notion of failing better… of trying and never giving up even when rejection /failure is staring you in the face!!! Thank you for your encouraging words today!

    Reply
  11. Wayne Stiles says

    January 8, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    So grateful for your voice of grace to us failures. I’ve heard that there’s no such thing as failure if we’re willing to learn from it. Thanks, Michelle.

    Reply
  12. Connie Denninger says

    January 8, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    a sweet and honest post that gives me hope in the new year —-thanks!

    Reply
  13. ~Karrilee~ says

    January 8, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Oh yes – I love this… to Fail Better is, for me, simply being willing to take more risks! This was wonderful and will stick with me as opportunities to fail – or Risk – come into light! Glad we are gathered at Holleys together today!

    Here’s to 2014 and turning our Epic Fails into Glorious ones!

    Reply
  14. Lorretta says

    January 8, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Yes. I will work at failing better too! I once heard of the notion of “falling UP”. Don’t really know what that means except your post combined with that thought gave me the impulse to strive towards “FAILING up”. He uses it all you know… yes, of course you do! Bless you Michelle.

    Reply
  15. HisFireFly says

    January 8, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    this is brilliant and encouraging Michelle
    so many give up, afraid to fail yet again
    so instead of reaching the mountain top they don’t even take a single step
    as for me, I think I’ll enjoy the view along the way, even if it is two steps forward, one step back
    no success without failure, just like there is no faith without doubt

    Reply
  16. Katie says

    January 8, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Michelle,
    Thank you for another inspiring post! The final paragraph is worth printing out and slipping in your Bible or devotional book. Just this excerpt alone is hugely powerful: “We need not obsess over where and how many times we’ve missed the mark. Instead, we reflect, we try to learn from the missteps, we take stock, and then we press on in faith and hope.”
    You are my favoritest-forward-fallinger!!! Can hardly wait for you book:)
    Gratefully,
    Katie

    Reply
  17. Elizabeth Marshall says

    January 8, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Michelle, this is a huge encouragement. And your photography is a gift. Wishing you much success in 2014 but more than that wishing you warm cyber hugs and friendship. Stay focused on your writing. You have a gift.

    Reply
  18. Jill Clem says

    January 8, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Thank you for your beautifully written words of encouragement. This is definitely a post I will read again and share with others!

    Reply
  19. Laura Brown says

    January 8, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    With that #5, you’re sure to succeed at one resolution this year!

    Have you read Jana Riess’ delightful, winsome book “Flunking Sainthood”? It was a redirection of what it was intended to be — trying a different spiritual discipline every month for a year. She went into a meeting with her editor with trepidation and a sense of defeat because she felt she’d failed at every single one of them. The failures became the story.

    Elizabeth Bishop’s great poem “One Art” comes to mind here too.

    Reply
  20. Holley Gerth says

    January 8, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Thanks so much for linking up today with Coffee for Your Heart, friend! XOXO

    Reply
  21. Deb Weaver says

    January 8, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Oh, what encouragement! Hard to hear, but important. May I get fail better this year!

    Deb Weaver

    Reply
  22. Martha Orlando says

    January 8, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    No failure formula can win when you have set goals. Go for it! Just don’t beat yourself up if you miss the mark on some days. This is something I will be blogging about on Friday. God always has plans for our lives whether we realize them, or not. The writing will continue, and continue to inspire~
    Blessings, Michelle!
    http:marthaorlando.blogspot.com

    Reply
  23. Martha Orlando says

    January 8, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Oops! Got the blog address wrong: http://marthaorlando.blogspot.com

    Reply
  24. Caryn Christensen says

    January 9, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Yes! Failure is inevitable. But we CAN move closer to the mark, even as we’re failing. 🙂

    Reply
  25. Linda says

    January 9, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    I used to pull out my annual plan at the end of the year and changed a few words and there is was… plan for the coming year. Nothing much changed so I stopped doing that and focused more on vision and specifc goals. It helped! I have words for the year. That is new for me…praying I follow through. Thanks for the post nad beautiful pictures!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Michelle DeRusha | Forget the Resolutions…Here’s the One New Year’s Question That Can Change Everything says:
    January 4, 2017 at 5:01 am

    […] NewYear’s resolution maker. If you’ve been reading here for a while, you might remember a post or two about that. Over the years I’ve resolved to read the Bible more, limit computer time […]

    Reply

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Living out faith in the everyday is no joke. If you’re anything like me, some days you feel full of confidence and hope, eager to proclaim God’s goodness and love to the world. Other days…not so much.

Let me say straight up: I wrestle with my faith. Most days I feel a little bit like Jacob, wrangling his blessing out of God. And most days I’m okay with that. I believe God made me a questioner and a wrestler for a reason, and I believe one of those reasons is so that I can connect more authentically with others.

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