Christopher Kraker isn’t a blogger or a social media guru, but when I put out the call here and on Facebook for volunteers to join the Spiritual Misfit launch team, Chris was one of the first to join. That’s the kind of person Chris is, always willing to offer a helping hand and an encouraging word. Chris is one of my husband’s oldest friends – I met him for the first time back when Brad and I were dating, and I was immediately drawn to his quirky, warm sense of humor and his kind spirit. I’m so glad Chris is here today to share his Misfit story with us.
As my friend Brad and I stepped toward the curb, the man grabbed my shoulder and pointed. In Road Runner-quick speech he said, “Do you know if you crossed that street right now and got hit by a car and died would you go to heaven or hell let’s pray.” Before I knew what was happening I was praying the sinner’s prayer. Halfway through the prayer I was startled, again grabbed by the shoulder and yanked away by my friend’s father, as he said, “Don’t ever talk to those people!!!” And so continued the inner and outer spiritual conflict into which I was born.
I was a misfit from birth — literally born backwards, breech — and thrust into the arms of my parents, whose interfaith marriage was considered controversial at the time (1965). My paternal, Norwegian grandmother grew up Lutheran and converted to Catholicism when she married my Slavic Catholic grandpa. My German/Polish maternal grandmother grew up Catholic and became Lutheran when she married my Lutheran Norwegian grandpa Orval Thor (doesn’t get much more Scandinavian than that!) So my father was raised Catholic by a Lutheran mother, and my mother was raised Lutheran by a Catholic mother. When ma and pa Kraker married in 1965 (already pregnant with me), they embraced the 60’s trends of social upheaval and married in the Catholic Church, although my mom remains Lutheran to this day.
Confused? So am I – to this day.
At some point in grade school I had my first “Jesus” moment while at a Pentecostal revival night with another close family friend. At the altar call I repeated the sinner’s prayer for what seemed like the first time. After they asked first-timers to come forward to be prayed over, I started toward the stage, but halfway down the aisle got scared and turned around. This wouldn’t be the first time I’d run to God, only to find myself conflicted mid-route.
On Sunday mornings I eschewed cartoons in favor of Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart, or whatever other TV preacher caught my fancy. As I lay in bed on Sunday evenings I listened to a delicious mix of Billy Graham and the Lutheran Hour of Power.
In ninth grade I went to a Baptist lock-in, and at 4 a.m. – after watching the infamous “The Cross and the Switchblade” – I quietly prayed for Jesus to be Lord of my life. About a week or so later I went out with my buddies and got drunk or the first time. I didn’t know where I belonged, so I tried to fit in everywhere. I fought an inner and outer war, wanting to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and wanting to be accepted. For two years I partied with my friends and then later read the bible before I went to sleep.
In high school Young Life and FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) gave me a chance to have clean fun and dive into scripture. Being a top honors student allowed me to impress the teachers and please my parents. Playing football meant I could hang out with the jocks and continue to “party.” Being an Eagle Scout demonstrated my civic-mindedness. And at the same time I tried to please God and continued faithfully to serve as an altar boy, while knowing little to nothing about my Catholic faith.
In college my inner search grew more complicated. I had a tremendous faith encounter in which I was “baptized” with the Holy Spirit, received the gift of tongues and experienced many other interesting manifestations of God’s power and love. I also started to learn more about my Catholic faith.
Today I am a bible-toting, born-again, spirit-filled Roman Catholic who goes to confession once a month and thinks Pope Francis is da bomb!
In my many misadventures, I have come to one conclusion: “God’s will is to save us…God’s desire for our salvation is the primary and preeminent sign of his infinite goodness.”
At every step of the way He is present, whether we realize it or not, reaching out to us in love in the arms of Jesus, inviting us to come to him. The Catechism of my faith says it best:
“God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength. He calls together all men, scattered and divided by sin, into the unity of his family, the Church. To accomplish this, when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son as Redeemer and Savior. In his Son and through him, he invites men to become, in the Holy Spirit, his adopted children and thus heirs of his blessed life.” (CCC 1)
I’m still a misfit. When I attend what most consider a boring mass, I want to raise my hands and dance around and praise in tongues because Jesus loves me. When I’m with my mom’s side of the family, I have to be conscious of not making the sign of the cross or doing anything too overtly Catholic. And when my Catholic friends say a prayer, I wrestle with the feeling that somehow it doesn’t count because they didn’t end it with “in the name of Jesus.” But in all of this, Christ gently reminds me that my only call is to be like him, the King of misfits, who so-didn’t-fit-in they crucified him.
After note: God has a master plan, and little did I know that in seventh grade, Michelle’s husband (the Brad in my story) and her late father-in-law (the dad who yanked me away from the street preacher) would be the beginning characters in a guest blog about being a conflicted misfit, all to help promote a book she wrote about God’s love and grace. And I also failed to mention that my “party” friends included the very same Brad!
A definitive non-blogger, Christopher will reluctantly pen his thoughts to cyberspace when compelled by a good friend’s wife who is trying to sell books. After 24 years of ministry in the Catholic Church, discipling and training young adults to love Christ and live lives of service (or as one good friend’s mom put it: “preaching Jesus to the Catholics”), he “retired’ and became a Farmers Insurance Agent. Despite parenting four kids ages 6 to 21, he still finds time to golf, garden, run, play racquetball, coach, play guitar, and listen to his lovely wife tell him all about the many great books he’s too lazy to read. If you’re desperate for someone to wish you a happy birthday, you can friend him on Facebook.
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Yes!! THIS!! Thank you!! A thousand times THANK YOU for saying so eloquently what so many of us “born again Catholics” feel and experience so many times.
Thanks, Amy! I’m glad my words resonated with your experience! May the Lord continue to renew His Church!
It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much of a spiritual misfit I feel at times, God still has a place He carved out specifically with me in mind. Thanks for your wonderful words today, Christopher! Michelle, your book is truly incredible. I’m reading a chapter a night and struggle putting it down!
Thanks, Donna! I often reflect on Pslam 139:14 When I’m feeling like a misfit: “I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works!” Then I pray for the faith to believe that His word is truer than my doubts.
Thank you so much, sweet Donna, for giving me a lift today!
Wonderful post, Chris!
Chris, This is such an incredibly great post!!! Loved every word!
Thanks, Mary! You are very kind for saying that.
Thanks, Brad! Assuming you are Michelle’s Brad, I enjoyed all of the adventures of our youth and am grateful we are still friends. Very blessed as well by your wife and her gifts and faith.
Thanks, Brad! Assuming you are Michelle’s Brad, I enjoyed all of the adventures of our youth and am grateful we are still friends. Very blessed as well by your wife and her gifts and faith.
I enjoyed the read!
Thanks, Melanie!
Loved it; denomination hopping family tree (so real), born again catholic…who knew. The man’s got a writer’s flair!
Thanks, Lisa! I think Michelle’s editing gave it whatever flair it has. Hahaha
Well, Christopher Kraker, I just simply LOVED this! LOVE your quirky wit! It seems to me that you ought to pick up your “pen” more often.
Your mish-mash “Spiritual Misfit” story intrigues me. Sounds a lot like my own–wanting to “be holy”, yet often seeing myself as a ‘chameleon’, trying to fit in and be all things to all people. It’s exhausting. Had to make up my mind which side of the fence I fell on. Glad I chose the side where The Misfit Jesus, resides. You sum up “the call” very nicely–“to be like Him, the King of Misfits, who so-didn’t-fit-in they crucified Him.”
Hoping to read you again sometime.
Thanks, Jillie! I’m good for about one one semi-coherent writing per year. Any more than that and I start getiing a big head. 🙂
Really enjoyed the article, an interesting journey for sure. But I am troubled by the fact that Chris and other so-called born-again Christians remain in the Catholic church. I want to say up front that I believe Chris when he says he is a born-again Christian (I take him at his word), and that I cannot know if other people are saved or not, only the Lord knows those who are His (2 Tim. 2:19), but the scripture is clear as to what is the gospel and what is not the gospel. The bible is clear as to how an individual is saved and remains saved. The official Roman Catholic doctrine of salvation is that the grace of God is infused into a baby at baptism–making him/her justified before God.” (‘Justification has been merited for us by the Passion of Christ. It is granted us through Baptism. It conforms us to the righteousness of God, who justifies us. It has for its goal the glory of God and of Christ, and the gift of eternal life. It is the most excellent work of God’s mercy’, – Catechism of the Catholic Church, par. 2020). This justification can be lost through sin and must be regained by repeated participation in the many sacraments found in the Roman Catholic Church. These sacraments increase the measure of grace in the person by which he or she is enabled to do good works, which are in turn rewarded with the joy of heaven:
“We can therefore hope in the glory of heaven promised by God to those who love him and do his will. In every circumstance, each one of us should hope, with the grace of God, to persevere ‘to the end’ and to obtain the joy of heaven, as God’s eternal reward for the good works accomplished with the grace of Christ,” (CCC, par. 1821).
“Moved by the Holy Spirit and by charity, we can then merit for ourselves and for others the graces needed for our sanctification,” (CCC, par. 2010).
No one can say whether a Roman Catholic is truly a Christian or not since we cannot know people’s hearts. However, if anyone, Catholic included, openly denies essential doctrines, then he is not saved (according to scripture); and this is the problem. It appears that the Roman Catholic Church is denying the essential doctrine of justification by faith. It says . . .
“If any one saith, that by faith alone the impious is justified; in such wise as to mean, that nothing else is required to co-operate in order to the obtaining the grace of Justification, and that it is not in any way necessary, that he be prepared and disposed by the movement of his own will; let him be anathema,” (Canon 9, Council of Trent).
“If any one saith, that man is truly absolved from his sins and justified, because he assuredly believed himself absolved and justified; or, that no one is truly justified but he who believes himself justified; and that, by this faith alone, absolution and justification are effected; let him be anathema,” (Canon 14, Council of Trent).
Notice that justification by faith alone is denied, and heaven is the reward for doing good works. This is the problem. The RCC does not teach the biblical doctrine of justification by faith. It teaches justification by faith and works. I see this as problematic, that knowing that the essentials of the faith according to scriptures are in contradiction to the RCC doctrine and dogma, we are quick to embrace such a view and are not more Berean like. Just a thought.
Mike, I appreciate your questions. Although no theologian or bible scholar, I have thought and prayed long and hard about my decision to remain Catholic, and am joined by many other former well-known non-Catholics who made the same choice. I would be happy to dialogue with you in a more private forum, as I believe from what I’ve seen from Michelle she’s not really keen on this becoming a theological debate forum.
However I will offer a brief response using scripture and scripture alone as to why what I surmise you are saying about “justification by faith alone” might perhaps be worth thinking more about.
I believe (and so would the Church as far as I know) It is true that no man (or woman) can merit heaven on his/her own. Christ died to set us free. HE paid the price with his blood. As the RCC you quote says, “The name “Jesus” signifies that the very name of God is present in the person of his Son, made man for the universal and definitive redemption from sins. It is the divine name that alone brings salvation, and henceforth all can invoke his name, for Jesus united himself to all men through his Incarnation, so that “there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”24 “ (CCC 432). We cannot “earn” heaven or salvation. AND…
AND, as you said yourself, “The bible is clear as to how an individual is saved and remains saved.” And there are many references in scripture, from Jesus himself, that point to the fact that what we DO does matter with regard to our salvation and getting to heaven. And while what Jesus did on the cross saved us from our sin, from the wrong of what we have done, the commandments were not abolished and they not only prohibit, but also enjoin on us behavior worthy of our dignity and identity as sons and daughters of the King.
While faith may justify us, Christ himself says my actions and inactions do have consequences – even for gaining eternal life. Here are just a few examples.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14)
““Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.” (Matthew 7:21)
“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:12).
““When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne…He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left…Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me… ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’” (Matthew 25-31-46)
“I am the true vine,* and my Father is the vine grower…Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing…Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love…This I command you: love one another.” (John 15:1-17)
“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love…Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another…If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God* whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” (1 John 4:7-21)
One simple question: if faith alone is sufficient and works get us nowhere, why does Jesus continue to give us commandments?
What we believe absolutely matters. And what we believe should transform our lives so that what the world sees is the love of Christ in us. If my actions do not conform to what I believe, and people do not see and experience love, if I do not love as Christ loved and become like Him in my demeanor and actions, then I submit that what I believe has no power and is a moot point with regard to salvation.
This may sound trite, but when it comes to my salvation, I liken it to the cliché that says “it’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know.” And if I’m certain of anything, I am certain of this: without Jesus, I ain’t getting anywhere!
Thanks again for your post. Perhaps I completely misconstrued that nature of what you were questioning (wouldn’t be the first time!), and if so, I apologize. If you want some better responses about your questions with regard to the Catholic Church (better – meaning more intelligent, well-thought out and theologically sound, from someone who has the training and degrees to back it up and also has the protestant background and knowledge/lingo to better dialogue with you), then may I suggest you contact and/or read Scott Hahn.
Lastly, if you are so inclined, check out Rich Mullins song, “Screen Door on a Submarine.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmhN5X4dxYM
Chris, thanks for your reply. As a pastor for over 25 years, the son of a pastor and missionary, having worked with many Hispanics who have come out the Roman Catholic Church, and having studied much concerning Catholicism and the clear contradictions it has with Christianity and sola scriptura, I am confident the two are not compatible at all. But we will not discuss this on Michelle’s blog, since as you say that is not what she wants or desires for her blog. 🙂 Take care.
Thanks, Mike. May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you and continue to guide you into deeper union with Him. See you in heaven 🙂