Continuing with our week of Spiritual Misfit guest posts, I am so thrilled to welcome Laura Boggess here today. Laura has the sweetest voice you’ll ever hear (her West Virginia twang sounds like music), and her writing — music itself — will take your breath away. Mark your calendars, friends: Laura’s gorgeous book Playdates with God: Having a Childlike Faith in a Grownup World releases this October (and it’s available for pre-order – go right this minute and order it, because take my word for it, you are going to want to drink in her words). I had the privilege and absolute pleasure of reading an early version of Playdates, and I cannot wait to read it again, this time to savor its rich imagery and lyricism. You can connect with Laura on her blog and on Twitter.
“Today,” I said to Nasreen and Deidra, “I feel like one of my legs is longer than the other. I’m all out of balance—I keep missing steps.”
I shifted from one foot to another as they giggled and raised their eyebrows. We were on a retreat together in the Texas Hill Country and it had rained almost every moment, forcing us to stay inside by the fire and have strange conversations about disproportionate legs.
“Well, I am from West Virginia,” I joked. “They always say hillbillies have one leg longer than the other from a lifetime of walking the slopes.”
It wasn’t until hours later that I looked down at my feet and realized what had been tripping me up all day. In an attempt not to disturb my roommate that morning, I had gotten dressed in the dark. And right there on my feet was the evidence: one black and one brown. I had put on two different kinds of boots.
“Maybe God wants you to be careful where you step today,” said Kelli—ever the deep thinker.
So I kept the mismatched boots on all day, walking slow through the moments—holding each one carefully in my hands and turning it over and over beneath my mind’s eye.
All these months later, after reading Michelle DeRusha’s book Spiritual Misfit, I see what an apt metaphor the boots are for my spiritual life. How many years have I treaded lightly, tiptoeing through God’s love? Always on the outside looking in, afraid of taking the wrong steps in this foreign land?
I was baptized eighteen years ago when I was seven months pregnant with my first child. I grew up knowing Jesus, but he was a different Jesus than the one I met on Sunday mornings as a grown-up. The Jesus I met as I sat in the pew, hand on my swelling abdomen, was grace-filled, intimate, gentle. I had caught glimpses of this Jesus over the years—especially through difficult times as a young girl. I had felt his comforting presence, had talked with him and drawn strength from his shelter. But I never believed I was worthy of such tender love, and so withdrew from that warm-embrace—sinking back into a life of rigid religion that all too often left me feeling hopeless and worthless. Who could live up to such perfectionistic standards? So different than the rule-bound, guilt-driven faith of my childhood, this new Jesus was someone I desperately wanted my children to know.
I never dared to believe he would want to know me too.
I recently celebrated another birthday and the older I get, the more I realize I will never understand the mysteries of God. I still sit in the pew, hand on empty abdomen, heart full with this realization: I am loved. I’m still learning the ways of mainline Christianity—the hymns, the prayers, the christianese. But the older I get, the more comfortable I am shedding those mismatched boots; recognizing we all walk with a limp and this wound is the blessing.
These are the days I dance barefoot through the parted waters of Love. Beloved misfit among beloved misfits.
Laura has an M.A. in clinical psychology and works in medical rehabilitation—counseling patients and their families through traumatic diagnoses such as brain and spinal cord injury, and stroke. She is a content editor at The High Calling, and blogs at lauraboggess.com. Watch for her new book Playdates with God: Having a Childlike Faith in a Grownup World, in October 2014.
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Many years ago, I spent a whole day with 2 different shoes on… I saw people at the dr. office giggling… the lady in the store give me a unique look… it wasn’t until the end of the day I realized what I had done… I was mortified… I immediately went to Walgreens to buy cheap plastic flip-flops … I think it is reflective of where I was in life as well…trying hard not to look mismatched …covering with plastic… but like you… love has won my heart… I think now I could walk around in my mismatched shoes instead needing to have matching plastic shoes on… and the same way in life… I know can wear my mismatched flesh… letting grace be my covering … because I now know… God’s love covers all… I too am walking through those parted waters with the broken beautiful body.
Ro, the New Living Translation of Hosea 6:6 says, “I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings.” This is what your words remind me of. Let grace be our covering, oh yes.
I walked into a business meeting with a similar limp one day only to the surprise of a co-worker who declared the reason for my limp. One pump navy, the other black. One pump suede, the other leather. I felt the limp, but I didn’t understand the source. Isn’t it like God to reveal the source of our limp once it has served it’s purpose? Laura, It too accepted my Jesus as a young child, but I never truly received his gift of salvation until I was 40. Like you, I am learning to walk in the unforced rhythms of grace, and it is marvelous!
Isn’t it wonderful what God uses to communicate with us, Kelly? I’ll not forget that day, how I was aware of every choice I made, every desire of my heart. It did bring me closer to God. But the joy of living in grace is such a freeing thing, isn’t it? There are days I still need reminded of this.
Laura, I walk with a serious limp, and I wore 2 different colored shoes to teach AWANA one night (the 4 year old cubbies pointed it out).
I am thankful that the “new Jesus” pursued me. I’d be totally lost without Him.
So happy to see you here at Michelle’s! 🙂
Me too, Lyli. Lost. And I bet your four-year-olds didn’t get hung-up on your limp or your different colored shoes :). Faith like a child.
Laura, I’m so grateful to Shelly Miller for introducing us! You are just the sweetest thing, as Michelle says. I love that idea of keeping a playdate with God. I talk about “spicing up my dates” with Him, and it sounds like the same thing. I have often rendezvoused with the Lord in intimate meetings in my journal (and often in a park, streetside cafe, hotel lobby, etc.) as a way to feel we were having a special meeting. I have always drawn especially close when I write my “love letters” to Him. I shall look forward to reading about *your* dates. Thank you for drawing us to the heart of Jesus!
Love
Lynn
Lynn, I love that you write love letters to God :). I’ve often felt that the Bible is God’s love letter to me. I think it makes Him happy when we make an effort to keep things “spicy”. But there is always grace, and I am so grateful for that. Much love to you, friend.
Yes, I too always think of the Bible as God’s love letter to us. Interesting that you should mention grace, because sometimes, when I mention love letters, women can think that these are sacchirine prayers to God. I pretty much bare my soul and realize that because of God’s grace, I”m free to express *anything* to Him, including my most horrendous sins. True love, true grace receives and pardons it all.
Lovely, Laura. As always – thank you.
Thank you, Diana, for peeking in. I’ve been praying for you, friend. You and your bones are on my mind 🙂
Laura, I love that you kept on the two different pairs of boots, to see if they might have something to say. That’s something I love about you–your willingness to play and learn through the process.
Some people would just say I’m a goofball, megan :). But it keeps life interesting. That’s for sure 🙂