Not long ago I had dinner with two friends who are both writers and bloggers. We had a great time together that night, chatting and laughing over our soup and salad and bread sticks. At the same time, though, the whole evening we were together I kept feeling an incessant twinge. I felt it in my gut, in the pit of my stomach – a hollowness, an emptiness. I found myself envying them – their readership and platform, which is larger than mine; the number of speaking engagements they are invited to, which is more than I have; the connections they have with other “big-name” authors, which I covet.
Later that night, tucked into the corner of my couch, I wrestled with competing feelings of emptiness and fullness. On one hand I was filled with the nourishing goodness of companionship and camaraderie. On the other hand, I felt depleted by this sense of perpetual needing, longing and discontent. Truth be told, I was more than a little disgusted with myself. These feelings of emptiness and not-enoughness are not new to me. I’ve been fighting this battle for a long time.
A few days later, I read this in Genesis:
“The Lord said to Issac, ‘Do not go down to Egypt. Live in the land where I tell you to live. Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and I will bless you.”
I felt those words were meant for me. I felt those words were speaking to that place of yearning, that place of not enough. Stay here, right where I have you, I heard God saying. Be grateful for what I have already given you, I heard him say. Live in this land, and I will be with you.
I knew those words were for me, but I didn’t like them. Frustrated with the fact that I’d felt stuck in the same land for a good long time, I was eager to move on to what I thought were bigger and better things. I was ready to do more with the gifts and tools God has given me. But he said no. God said stay.
Last week I wrote a post about an issue I am passionate about. I wrote it, I edited it, I worked and reworked it, and then I clicked “publish,” just as I’ve done with the thousands of posts before it over the last seven years. Except this time was different. This time the post took on a life of its own. It was shared and shared and shared some more, and I watched, stunned, as the Facebook button at the bottom of the post clicked toward 700 and then 800 and then 1,000 and then beyond.
In seven years of blogging this has never happened to me. For whatever reason, my blog posts are rarely shared more than 30 or 40 times, and typically they are shared far less than that. But on an ordinary Friday in the middle of January, one blog post clicked with people, and it took off.
Long story short, I sent a brief note to a generic email address I had for Huffington Post Religion with a link to that post, and within two hours, an editor there had emailed me back, inviting me to blog for the Huffington Post Religion page. Just like that.
Except not really.
I’ve pitched the Huffington Post a number of times over the last three years, and I’ve never heard a word back. I’ve pitched HuffPost Women. I’ve pitched HuffPost Parents. I’ve pitched HuffPost Religion. To no avail. Two years ago, in one of a dozen conversations I’ve had with my agent about “growing my platform,” she suggested that what I really needed was to leverage a much larger platform, “like the Huffington Post.”
I laughed when she said that. “It’s impossible,” I told her. “It’s never going to happen.”
There’s a reason I’m telling you this story, and it’s not to brag, believe me (for all I know, the Huffington Post will have absolutely no impact on growing my readership!). The reason I’m telling you this story is because I believe that God always, always has our best interests at heart. He knows the places he has for us. He knows the time that is best for us. He knows exactly when we should stay and exactly when we should go.
I’m not the best listener when it comes to God’s direction. In fact, most of the time I’m a terrible listener. I push and pull and rail and complain. When God says no, I say yes. When God says yes, I say no. In fact, there’s a very good chance God simply shook his head and rolled his eyes this week and said, “Fine! Here’s your damn Huffington Post.” {my God swears from time to time}
Seriously, though, I believe this. I believe God knows. He knows when we aren’t ready, even when we think we are. He knows when we are ready, even when we think we aren’t. God knows.
Whatever it is you do, keep doing it, as hard and frustrating as that may be. Know that even when you cannot see it right now, God is blessing the work of your hands. Know that even when you can’t feel his presence, he is watching over your journey through the vast wilderness. Know that God is always with you, and therefore you do not lack. (Deuteronomy 2:7)
I really needed to read this today, Michelle. Thank you for your words of encouragement for this discouraged heart.
And thank you for always, always being an encouragment to me, Jeanie – you are so gracious and so generous.
Such encouraging words! Thank you for writing this, it helped me this morning as I think about my dream of writing but do so little with each day. This encourages me to just keep up the work.
Just one small step forward, Jessica. It can feel overwhelming to think of a whole project, so just concentrate on the one next thing. You can do it!
Thank you Michelle. I’m at a cross roads now and wondering in what direction I should go. Your post has helped me with realizing the quote, “you are right where God wants you at this time. I can move forward and get my book published and also really start to do something worthwhile with my blog. Thank you again.
If we listen to him and follow his direction, God will always lead us to where he wants us (or have us stay where we are). The key is to listen…that’s the part I’m not very good at. 🙂
Wow. I prayed a desperate prayer today, and your post landed in my inbox. Your words feel like they are straight from God for me today. Keep on doing what you’re doing. It makes a difference.
I’m so glad you heard God’s answer through these words, Carri. May God bless you as you make your way. And thank you.
I’ve always known that God was with me in my “wilderness” but it wasn’t until I read the verse that I realized that I also always had everything I needed, not wanted of course, but needed.
Yes, Tina, you hit on the key: the difference between want and need. He provides for us…but our own expectations often get in the way of our gratitude.
beautiful. I have often struggled in this same land. And I love that you experience God swearing–I do too! Continued blessings!
Hahaha, Nancie – glad I’m not the only one. 🙂
Yep. I needed to read that, too! Thank you. Sometimes it’s so hard to know if I’m doing enough work or if I need to just quit stressing and let God worry about it all. It’s hard to know the balance! Congratulations, by the way!
It is hard to balance. When I’m not sure of which step to take, I try to take my dad’s advice: “When in conflict, do nothing.” Sometimes just heading into quiet provides the answers we need.
Michelle, congratulations upon being requested to write for the Huffington Post! That’s wonderful! You are such a gifted, insightful author, and I’m so pleased that the Lord is sharing your words with a broader audience. I have always been so blessed by what you write. Your post is timely in my life, and we must always be in prayer, seeking God’s face about His call on our life–when it is time to stay in the land, and when it is time to stop circling the mountain and to move on to new horizons. I sense God calling me to new land. Almost always, whatever He does in my life (whether to stay or to go) is both a surprise and a challenge. We must keep listening and keep obeying and seek satisfaction and contentment in Him wherever He lands us. And it’s all about obedience, isn’t it? Wishing you soooo well in this new venture!
Love
Lynn
PS Im so curious: Which post was this? the one about your church?
Yes, it was the post about racism and white privilege that caught their attention.
And yes, you are right, Lynn, so right – always seeking God’s face, listening for his voice…that’s the key. And for me, he often gets drowned out in the noise of my everyday life…the noise I create.
I am eager to see where God is leading you, Lynn!
Wow! How that post went absolutely viral! That’s wonderful, Michelle, and I do know, as you do, that God has amazing plans for your life.
Blessings!
Thank you, Martha – you are such a generous encourager. I appreciate you so much.
Your words resonated within my spirit as I realized the yearning to be a published author seemed so far beyond my ability. I am seeing how it is necessary to be content in whatever state I’m in. I’m okay with writing my two pages a day and will enjoy the process as I rest in the Lord, knowing His time table is the best for me. Thanks for being open about the needs of your heart and how the Lord spoke through His Word.
I love the practice of writing two pages a day, Kathy. And what God can reveal in those two pages! It knocks my socks off sometimes. You never know…one of those pages could open a door you weren’t expecting, or offer a revelation that changes everything.
“Rest in the Lord.” Indeed. “Rest” is the word I heard from him at the beginning of the year. I didn’t technically choose a “One Word” this year, but “rest” is the word that keeps pinging around in my head. So yes, I hear you. His time table is best for us, and life flows so much more easily when we actually do rest in him.
Congratulations, Michelle! I love your posts and am excited with you. Yay, Huffington!
Thank you for a great article! I just started blogging this month and I can see where it is very easy to compare yourself to how others are doing. Thanks for the reminder that God has me where he wants me to be right now and that as long as I am faithful, He is in charge of what happens. Congrats on your Huffington Post article!
Wow, as a life coach, blogger, author, etc, etc…this is exactly where I am at…I have settled into it now just knowing that God is in charge and I am unique, but you put into words what I have been REALLY feeling and didn’t even realize the fullness of it. Bless you!!
I have been at the point of completely giving up just recently which isn’t a great start to 2016. I just seem to constantly be under attack and as soon as I have a small breakthrough, attacks intensify. ‘ you’re not good enough’ ‘you’ll never amount to anything’ you’re worth nothing’. I know where it’s coming from and today I thought, if I give up the deceiver has won, so I vowed I wouldn’t give up and wouldn’t run away from all the dreams that God has placed in my heart. Then I read your email and it confirmed to me, to press on and not give up. Thank you so much for blessing me today. God bless you Monica
Thank you! I couldn’t/wouldn’t read this post yesterday after seeing the headline. I forced myself to open it this morning and read about your perpetual discontent, and I knew you knew what I too struggle with. I want to be noticed for what I’m doing, acknowledged for the ‘good’ I’m doing. I want the people I’m trying to help to ‘be helped’ by me. I am tired of where I am, I want to leave. I can tell myself I am where God put me, I need to do His work here until He allows me to move on, but it is difficult. Thank you for making me feel not alone for a bit.
Diane
I keep going back to “When God Says Stay” and reading and rereading. You see, I have been kind of, no, deeply entrenched in a situation that seems to be never ending. This particular writing has touched my heart. It has helped me to realize that I am still right where God wants me to be. I too am not always a good listener. Thank you, Michelle, once again, for sharing and the verses from the Bible you referenced.
Wow. Thank you for writing this struggle down, and sharing it. I know how you feel. Doubt overwhelms me a lot, but I just keep writing… Trusting… Obeying… And believing… That HE IS FAITHFUL.
Happy Sunday!
And thank you.
Megs
Your story so resonates with me. I’m a single mom of faith who got thrown back into the world of finding a job after my husband fired me three years ago. I went from being a stay at home momma, who worked for my exes home based business to getting a job at a daycare which wasn’t paying the bills. When my aunt helped me out to start a cooking business I jumped on the opportunity and found myself in a concierge type business. I now cook, clean, babysit young ones and care for the elderly in my community. Sometimes I look at my occupation as not important or impressive and I start to look for other jobs to fill that void. But God, He always stops me in my negativity and tells me to wait on Him. I think He’s giving me baby steps for the next best thing. I want to trust Him w my life. It’s more exciting that way instead of trying to control it all. When I wake up, I wonder sometimes, “what does God have for me today?”
I’m an ELCA pastor in a struggling congregation whose faith is being renewed although numbers and finances are not. God says stay in spite of my misgivings. God says stay in spite of my envy of (a few) other congregations renewing in exciting ways. I resonate with your last paragraph. Thank you for your honest writing.
I truly needed to read this. I started a Cottage Business making spices you cook with, and sometimes I feel like it not going anywhere. This really inspired me because I would love to have my spices in a store one day. So this really helped me to continue to know Almighty and Sovereign God is working things out without me. Thanks your so much for such a powerful and encouraging words. God bless you.