A few years ago the phone rang on a December evening. It was Brad’s dad, calling to tell us he had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was the beginning of Advent, and when I think about it today, I can still feel the bitterness, anger, and deep sorrow I experienced that holiday season. The lights, the music, the decorations, the shopping, the socializing…it all felt so garish, so offensive. I wanted everything to stop. It was all I could do not to squeeze my eyes shut and cup my palms over my ears.
That whole season was terrible, not only because my father-in-law was dying, but also because I felt forced toward a lightness and jubilance I couldn’t possibly experience. It felt like there wasn’t space for grief, like there wasn’t room for suffering and brokenness. And so we stumbled through. Our faces wore expressions appropriate to the season, but inside, our hearts were shattered.
I know God was with us that holiday season. I know he was with us in our grief and that he gently held our shattered hearts in his hands. But I couldn’t hold that tension between the joy and light of the season and the darkness and sorrow inside me. I couldn’t see that there was space in the waiting for both light and darkness, joy and grief. Amid all the festive lights and noise of the season, I couldn’t see that God makes that space for us in his son Jesus, that waiting can hold both our joy and our despair.
A few months ago my friend Kris Camealy emailed to ask if I would consider writing an endorsement for her book, Come, Lord Jesus: The Weight of Waiting, a collection of 25 daily devotions for Advent. I said yes because I love Kris and I respect and admire her writing. What I didn’t expect, though, was that her book would move me so deeply and so profoundly.
Come, Lord Jesus is the book I needed during that hard Advent, when I couldn’t find a place for suffering amid all the brightness. Kris Camealy gets it. She understands that there’s a place for that tension, the existence of both darkness and light, and she doesn’t shy away from it; she doesn’t pretend the darkness isn’t there. Kris acknowledges the grief and sorrow, the pain and suffering, and she reminds us that Jesus is Immanuel, God with us – even in, especially in, the sometimes unbearable weight of waiting.
This is a beautiful book, friends. And please don’t get me wrong – it is full of light and joy and hope. But I also so appreciate that Come, Lord Jesus does not lean so much toward the jubilance of the season that it completely disregards the fact that grief, suffering, and darkness exist. For it is only in great darkness that we are truly able to see a great Light.
I am delighted to be able to send one reader a copy of Kris Camealy’s beautiful book Come, Lord Jesus. Enter the drawing below for a chance to win (email readers: click here and scroll down to the bottom of the post to enter the drawing).
In order to prepare my heart for Christmas I have a special Advent devotion I am starting for the season.
I truly love this about advent – that it is a time to focus on the waiting, the yearning before His coming. Because yes, Christmas is joy and He has overcome – but we are still here in this place, still waiting for our final deliverance. It teaches us to live with expectancy.
Yes, that’s exactly it, Nicole – thank you for putting that so beautifully.
I understand, Michelle. My father died in December of 2008.
This Christmas will be the 2nd without my husband. I am learning to find joy in the midst of grief.
I am so sorry, Nancy. I hear you, friend. Joy is there, even in the midst of grief. Sometimes it’s hard to see, but it’s there. I will be praying for you.
The weight of Advent can get oppressive — what we are supposed to be attending, making, buying, decorating, wrapping, baking — whether we are joyful for the season or in grieving. (I lost my mother at the holidays, 48 years ago.) So I ask God to help me stop. Breathe deeply. And just as God provided a babe in this season, strive to be child-like — taking joy in traditions (some of which may have been started by previous generations now gone); taking time to ooooh and ahh at the lights on the tree, the gift with my name on it; take note of the innocence of children playing their roles in the nativity pageant; eliminate the unnecessary activities and replace that time with gratitude.
I absolutely love that, Dale: strive to be child-like. Because yeah, you are right – it’s SO easy to get caught up in all the extra responsibilities and obligations of Advent, and to end up feeling, as you said, oppressed instead of exhilarated. You must have been quite young when your mom died – I am so sorry…I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.
Last year on November 6 we learned that my husband was in heart failure due to a virus that attacked his heart. It was right before Advent and as a pastor it is one of the busiest times of the church calendar for me. I remember walking through Advent and Christmas with a mask of happiness, joy, hope and courage on but on the inside I was crumbling, shattered and worn out. I needed someone to walk alongside of me, giving me words that would have soothed the pain, instilled a sense of hope, comforted me and allowed me to let go of the mask. It was a difficult season as I preached each Sunday on Hope, Joy, Peace and Love while feeling the bitterness, anger and fear that my husband and family were having to walk this journey. Thankfully my husband continues to recover and although that season was one I never want to walk through again, my relationship with God is deeper and filled with more meaning and understanding.
I remember that, Jill, but honestly, I hadn’t thought about how hard that was for you, as a pastor in this season of joy and gladness. We forget sometimes that pastors are human too, and suffer and experience the same feelings, even anger and bitterness, that the rest of us do. Thank you for sharing that so honestly here.
Sounds like a good flashlight for the season ahead.
Quiet – that’s what we’ll try to do at Advent. We started that last year; the first one without my grandmother. I understand the hard season. I didn’t want any Christmas either. So we were quiet. Leaning in. To each other and Jesus. We had our family devotion with ornaments we hung, candle we lit as a pregnant Mary made her way around our Advent wreath. But there was something about being quiet in the midst of all the noise. Even in the terrible and awful and hard.
I love this, Jen. Quiet. Yes. That sounds perfectly right for Advent.
This looks wonderful. I’m always looking to turn our hearts to Jesus during the holidays!
It is still hard for me to take in that my Dad has been gone since June of 2008.
Now, my father-in-law (89) is failing in health and it appears we may lose him before the holidays. He has a goal to see the outcome of the election and to celebrate his bride of 68 years birthday in early November. I pray that God will grant him these.
Many thanks for your encouraging words and this kind offer:)
I’m so sorry about your father-in-law, Katie. It’s just so hard. No matter what the season or the timing, losing someone we love is devastating. My God’s comfort and peace be with you and your family as you walk through these coming months with your father-in-law.
I totally get the hardNess of living through a holiday season when you really just want it all to stop. My beloved grandmother passed away right before Thanksgiving 7 years ago. It took everything I had in me to buy gifts, to try to enjoy the rest of the family, to really even get into the season with decorating and all. In fact, if I remember correctly, all I put out for decorations are the ones she gave me. And honestly, it took about 3 years before I could fully enjoy the season again. This book sounds like I could have used it back then. Thank you for introducing us to it.
In the waiting He works on me gently, lovingly shaping me into His own. His glory in my life, His fulfilling in my want, His grace in my need, His way to walk with Him someday in Paradise. Lord I will wait, longing and searching, knowing and finding You through it all. Amen!
Would love this book. I am blessed to mentor other women to seek and find my Jesus. It would be a privilege to share this book with them. Thank you.
Stringing lights is one of my favorite ways of preparing not just my home but also my heart for the Advent season.
This book sounds just like what I need. I would love a copy.
I remember the angst of flying to Texas from my home state of California to go to my brother’s funeral in December. He was struck by a car and died on December 23rd. This was over two years ago. The joy of family was shaken as we gathered to celebrate my brother’s life and seek peace during this sorrowful time of loss. It was bittersweet, but I felt God used the event to strengthen my resolve to be more deliberate about my faith and to grow in knowledge of our Lord Jesus. I would enjoy reading the book about waiting for the Lord’s coming. It is so important to be ready for His appearing!
I too lost my father to Stage Four lung cancer. Diagnosed the week before Thanksgiving and died December 3. It was a lot to process for our family in such a short time and on top the holiday season. We all tried to spend as much time as we could with Him, but it was hard with kids in school and them living two hours away. I was the only sibling, who was at his bedside with Mom, when he took his last breath.
Even though I understood the grieving process, it didn’t make it any easier.
I try to spend my advent in daily devotions but it doesn’t always turn out.
This sounds like an inspiring book. I’ll have to find it!
Sounds like a deep and thought provoking devotional. Thanks for highlighting it. added it to my list to get.
I’ve been very slowly, verse by verse, reading and nourishing my soul with the gospel of Luke. It has been life-changing! Our God is so beautiful, His plans are so wise, and I am finding great delight as I read of how He prepared hearts and lives to receive the gift of His Son.
Your description is true–nothing is simple or easy, and his light shines through a background of contrast and at times pain and difficulty. But He always provides, always makes a way, in the midst of the mystery of His great redemption plan.
I can’t wait to celebrate this Christmas! He is so dear to me.
I look back on my life and see times of great darkness and sadness and because of those times I appreciate the light more. My dad died one year ago this month and this week has been hard, and yet once again, He shines through and there is light. I have been thinking this week that God never lets our pain go to waste. He uses it to help us, and to help others directly and indirectly.
One way I prepare my heart for advent? Wow! Having never kept Christmas growing up, I am not even sure what people are supposed to do for advent. I think maybe they should assign mentors for families like ours who have no clue. I guess I always think about Jesus coming as a baby and often read the gospels.
I always gift my friends advent devotionals that we can all share thru the Christmas season.
This will be our third Christmas with all our children in Heaven. In order to prepare my heart for Christmas, we focus on praying for those in need even more, trying to find one family to bless in times of stress. We know our children are in Heaven with our/their Lord and Saviour, and we prepare for the day we will all be together again.
To live well in the tension…to live looking for and at Light amid the dark seasons…yes, please.
I use a Advent devotional to prepare my heart for Jesus, Emanuel, God with us, each year.
We gather as a family around the Advent “wreath,” light the candles, and read a devotional. Then we have dinner. We’ve done this for years–even before we had children. I hope and pray this will impress upon our sons the meaning of this season’s celebration.
This book sounds like just the substance needed right now.
We’ve done the Advent Jesse Tree with our children for the past 5 years. When I tried to mix it up last year, their was a mutiny and we ended up doing it anyway. I think they enjoy the association of specific ornaments with bible verses. I like how the readings draw attention to the OT prophecies about the coming Messiah.
Hi Michelle, indeed your are woman of substance to our generation. keep the fire burning.