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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

Diana Trautwein

Keep Praying and Believing {My Faith Heroine series}

December 18, 2014 By Michelle 9 Comments

We call her the Internet Pastor because she loves us, lifts us up, mentors us, prays for us and encourages us, all online in various communities – from her own blog, Just Wondering, to A Deeper Church and lots of places in between. I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting Diana Trautwein a couple of times over the years, and she is even better in person. So full of life and love, her blue eyes sparkle and her face lights up every time she sees you.

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Story and Photo by Diana Trautwein

Life was hard and uncertain when she was growing up. One of four siblings, barely a year apart, with parents who both worked, a father who drank hard and gambled hard, always losing. Then there were “the aunts,” she told me. The three older cousins who never married and who loved all those kids to bits, providing protection on occasion, but most of all, bringing fun and merriment into their days.

Though their mother had grown up in the church, after she married their dad, neither of them ever darkened a church door again. But they agreed that their kids could go.

So every Sunday, they dropped all four kids at the curb and left them to fend for themselves in downtown Los Angeles at that old brownstone building. For my heroine and her sister, it stuck. For their two brothers, it took a lot longer. The sisters loved to go to that place, where they met friends their own age and were sheltered and loved by lots of adults, as well.

One of those older women saw potential in the bigger of the girls, and when she was in junior high school, almost into high school, she arranged for a scholarship to a nearby training seminar. A Christian leadership seminar. And my heroine bloomed, learning to love the Bible, church music and a wide circle of friends, many of whom remained close to one another throughout their lives.

Eventually, she married one of the church musicians, a talented pianist with a bent for mathematics, and they began to build a home and a family. A girl was born, then two years later, a boy and about ten years after that, another boy.

All during those early years, the family continued to attend the downtown church where the parents had met, and they contributed faithfully, both musically and financially. Eventually, they moved too far out into the suburbs and switched to a larger church closer to home. Within a few years, that old church was razed and a used car lot took its place.

Their new church provided wonderful activities and teaching for her children and some powerful teaching during the adult Sunday morning hour for her and her husband. Professors from a nearby seminary came and built small congregations within the larger one. Once again, this woman bloomed and grew, stretching toward the light, exercising her good mind, asking probing questions, reading widely.

The "Double Delight" rose, her faith heroine's favorite

The “Double Delight” rose, her faith heroine’s favorite

She always worried that she didn’t have a degree from college, but then, she never really needed it. Her own reading regimen (everything C.S. Lewis ever wrote, plus a lot of Paul Tillich, George Ladd, Eldon Trueblood, Peter and Catherine Marshall), her willingness to ask hard questions and her fearlessness about seeking answers provided a priceless education, as well as forming her more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

She taught eleventh grade Sunday school (girls only, in those days) for about a dozen years, providing wisdom, grace and breakfast out for every one of them sometime during the year. Each week, she worked hard on those lessons, getting up before the rest of the family to rough out ideas and read scripture. And to pray. She prayed for each student in her classes, regularly, faithfully.

By God’s grace and her own commitment to growing, both spiritually and psychologically, she overcame the difficulties of her upbringing, remaining close to her entire extended family until they each died. She is the only one left now, and that is hard — for her and for those who love her.

She dealt with a lot of insecurities and fears her whole life, but always, there was a joyful sense of humor, a warm and welcoming hospitality, and an immense reservoir of creativity. She decorated her home, her children and herself on a tight budget, and encouraged each of her children to get a good education and build a good marriage. And she loved her husband fiercely, even when he was old and frail and sometimes demanding.

This woman modeled for me what it means to follow hard after Jesus, to commit yourself to learning, asking questions, reading widely, and serving others. She wasn’t perfect — and she knew it! — but she was good. Even in her old age, she hangs onto her faith with all of her diminishing energies.

I visited her over the weekend, in the dementia unit where she now lives. She was sick, with a very sore throat and a nasty cough, all of which makes the dementia worse and exhausts her. I helped her change her clothes and sit in her recliner chair for an afternoon nap and then went across the room to bring her large, whiteboard calendar up-to-date after several months of neglect.

As I worked in the semi-darkness of her small entry way, I could hear her muttering in her chair. I thought perhaps she had drifted off to sleep and was dreaming. But then I began to pick out a few words, and my heart soared and broke, all at the same moment.

“Oh, Lord,” she said. “Please help Diana to be well, to be strong. She is such a beautiful daughter and I love her so much.”

Before I left I kissed her on the forehead and she smiled up at me and said, “The Lord’s been good. We’ll just keep praying and believing.”

“Yes, Mom,” I said. “That is exactly what we’ll do.”

 

DianaTrautweinMarried to her college sweetheart for nearly 50 years, Diana answers to Mom from their three adult kids and spouses and to Nana from their 8 grandkids, ranging in age from 4 to 23. For 17 years, after a mid-life call to ministry, she answered to Pastor Diana in two churches where she served as Associate Pastor. Since retiring at the end of 2010, she spends her time working as a spiritual director and writes on her blog, Just Wondering. For as long as she can remember, Jesus has been central to her story and the church an extension of her family.

This post is part of the My Faith Heroine Series in conjunction with the release of 50 Women Every Christian Should Know: Learning from Heroines of the Faith. Click here to read other posts in the #MyFaithHeroine series. 

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Filed Under: #50Women, #MyFaithHeroine, guest posts Tagged With: #50Women, #MyFaithHeroine, Diana Trautwein

It’s Not That Easy Being Weird {I am a Spiritual Misfit Series}

June 6, 2014 By Michelle 33 Comments

We call her the Internet Pastor out here on the blogosphere, and the title is a perfect fit. Diana Trautwein ministers to everyone she meets, whether that’s in person or across cyberspace. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more genuine, encouraging, refreshing person than Diana. I respect her, I admire her, and I love her, and I know you will, too. Make sure you visit Diana at her place – she also writes for A Deeper Story, too.

 

All my life, I’ve been the one who didn’t quite fit. No matter where I’ve landed in my own spiritual journey, I’ve managed to be the one who is different — quirky, opinionated, on the edge.

I was the kid who had the most memory work badges and sang alto in the kids’ choir at our first church. But I was also the kid who hid out in the caretaker’s apartment, playing with his baby and talking to his wife instead of socializing around the punch bowl with the rest of the 5th graders.

We moved to a new town and a new church when I was 12. The youth group was huge and I went to every thing that was offered.  I landed in the hard-working-leadership-tier, but never in the popular-kids-who-also-have-skills elite. And that was okay by me. I was tall and rangy and not terribly graceful. I was also physically fearful and lurking underneath my loud voice, an insecure, uncertain teenager.

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I married young. It was a great decision for us, one that took us halfway around the world to live and work for two years. And I was really a misfit there. A southern California conservative looks nothing like a Pennsylvania holiness conservative and I found that out the hard way. Yet, somehow, we survived and even thrived in that beautiful place.

We had our kids early, and our grandkids even earlier. So for the last 40 years, we’ve been ahead of the curve by a long shot. And guess where that puts us now? Smack dab in the middle of just about everything. We find ourselves sandwiched between ailing parents, home-buying adult children, college-aged and pre-school grandkids.

We’ve found ourselves sandwiched between generations theologically, too — not as conservative as our roots, not as liberal (if I can carefully use such hackneyed terms) as so many Christ-followers who are coming up behind us. We love that we can say an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to many of the ‘newer’ ideas about church governance and gender equality, but we are not ready to throw out the church as the best way to be the Body of Christ.

For most of my adolescent and adult life, I found friends who were older than I was. Now, in my dotage, I have more friends who are younger. Go figure.

I’m a weird duck: I love Jesus, but I’m tired of Jesus-talk. I enjoy reading across a wide range of theological opinions and ideas. I’m a former over-achiever learning to appreciate silence and solitude. I’m an ‘old pro’ riddled with self-doubt (and sometimes, God-doubt). I love the church and I’m exhausted by the harshness I see exhibited in far too many corners of it.  I am a contradiction in terms, a don’t-fit-the-mold non-conformist, always searching for truth and authenticity but put-off by TMI in a whole lotta places.

I don’t fit, and at this stage of my life, it’s highly unlikely that I ever will.

But you know what?

I am fine with that. I am more than fine; I am grateful. Because I like asking hard questions and I’m learning that I can live without the answers. I love a good wrestle and I know that God does, too. I am being formed into the likeness of Jesus, bit by bit, piece by piece — and those pieces don’t have to fit anywhere else, ever. I fit exactly where I need to fit . . . securely rooted in the heart of the Savior. And I like it here.

DianaTrautweinMarried to her college sweetheart for nearly 50 years, Diana answers to Mom from their three adult kids and spouses and to Nana from their 8 grandkids, ranging in age from 4 to 23. For 17 years, after a mid-life call to ministry, she answered to Pastor Diana in two churches where she served as Associate Pastor. Since retiring at the end of 2010, she spends her time working as a spiritual director and writes on her blog, Just Wondering. For as long as she can remember, Jesus has been central to her story and the church an extension of her family.

 Click here to purchase Spiritual Misfit: A Memoir of Uneasy Faith.

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Filed Under: guest posts, Spiritual Misfit Tagged With: Diana Trautwein, I am a Spiritual Misfit Series

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Living out faith in the everyday is no joke. If you’re anything like me, some days you feel full of confidence and hope, eager to proclaim God’s goodness and love to the world. Other days…not so much.

Let me say straight up: I wrestle with my faith. Most days I feel a little bit like Jacob, wrangling his blessing out of God. And most days I’m okay with that. I believe God made me a questioner and a wrestler for a reason, and I believe one of those reasons is so that I can connect more authentically with others.

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