I cried when I first found out I was going to have a boy. I pretended I was crying for joy as I lay on the ultrasound table, the wand gliding over distended belly, grainy picture flickering on screen. But in actuality, I cried because I was disappointed. And scared. I didn’t know what to do with a boy baby. I’d grown up with one sister. I was out of my comfort zone. The thought of a boy baby terrified me.
Today I have two boys, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I think God knew. He observed how I styled my own hair – how I can’t possibly manage barrettes or headbands or braids. And he knew I wouldn’t be able to handle a girl, with striped tights and flouncy skirts and hair pretties. He gave me boys, knowing all I could muster were t-shirts and shorts and patting down bed-head with water and a comb.
It took me a long time to understand boys. They are different, you know. I expected quiet. Coloring books. Imaginary games with stuffed animals. Reading. Playing board games. Weebles.
What I got was noise: yelling and burping and other sundry emissions. And chase games. Plus some punching, a bit of tree climbing and lots of hose spraying.
What I got was a whole lot of action.
I’m still learning how to deal with all that energy.
That’s why I loved Laura Lee Groves’ new book I’m Outnumbered. In fact, I wish I’d read it nine years ago, when I first stepped a tentative toe into parenting boys. Laura’s book would have better prepared me for the tornadic but delightful existence with boys, and it would have taught me how to better direct and embrace their endless energy.
I’m still glad to have read it, though – parenting boys, even school-aged boys, is a steep learning curve for me.
Laura is mom to four boys – four! Twice the number I mother. That alone earns my deep respect. She has a lot of experience in raising boys, and her book brims with practical, concrete advice gleaned from her own life and supported by prominent researchers.
Chapters are divided into general topics: sibling rivalry, intentional parenting, education, boy talk, media, and the like. And within these chapters she offers myriad ideas and solutions for parenting boys, from how to nurture boys physically and cultivate them socially, to how to talk about the school day and foster discernment when it comes to choosing everything from media to friends.
I also love the fact that she weaves dozens of Biblical quotes throughout the text, scripture that supports her ideas and suggestions for parenting boys. I love this Biblically based approach to parenting, and Laura is so skilled at finding just the right Proverb Psalm or Gospel passage to illustrate her point.
“He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” Laura advises through Proverbs 21:23, when she writes about managing anger.
“Encourage one another and build each other up,” she suggests through 1 Thessalonians 5:11, when she lists tips for modeling respect.
What I liked most about I’m Outnumbered is Laura’s concrete approach. She offers constructive, real-life examples, probing questions and practical tips. I like that I can finish a chapter with three or four new strategies to try with my own boys.
Reading Laura Lee Groves’ book also taught me an important lesson overall: yes, boys are different; yes, boys require different parenting strategies.
But different is good.
Intrigued? Laura has a comprehensive synopsis of each chapter in I’m Outnumbered on her blog.
And you can buy a copy of I’m Outnumbered yourself here.
i love you honesty. you know that, right? i just knew my second baby was a girl… laura would have a sister- two girls, just my sister & i. everyone said “oh, it's gonna be a girl” except for the lady at the paint counter in sears. oh, she knew. and the dr knew… and told us. i was sure he had made a mistake. three days before he was born, i finally worked my way out of denial… when the dr told me that when he said boy, he wasn't making a mistake. so there i was, three days later… with a boy baby in my arms. i knew nothing about boy babies… but i knew, i was in love.
things are even steven in my house… as far as boys & girls go… but when laura heads off in 2 yrs (EEK!) i might need that book 🙂
(i think i just wrote a blog post in your comments… heehee! and i was thinking i couldn't write about anything but africa anymore!) love ya!
Oh, do I remember that feeling! I had my daughter first– my rule follower, intrinsically obedient, calm spirited little girl. Then along came the boys and I had to reinvent myself as a mom. But the joy they have added to our world! I'm now a believer that every man should have a daughter and every woman should have a son.
Wow–sounds like I could have used that book. Like Heidiopia above, I have one girl and one boy. Never having been a teenage boy, nor having paid any attention to my brothers when they were teens, I didn't know what was going on with my son. Who knew teen boys got moody and hormonal–just like girls, only different! Sounds like this book will be a source of grace to you in watching God make men out of your boys.
Your boys are wonderful!
Harry is the last of four boys and even now I wonder how his mother did it. Out of all of the grandchildren, there are just two girls – my niece and my daughter.
Right up until the day our daughter was born, we all thought she was a boy. Even the ultrasound thought she was a boy. (Sometimes I wonder if the doctor was messing with us.) Imagine our surprise when the doctor said, “It's a…it's a…it's a girl?” Yes. He said it with a question mark at the end.
She didn't have a name for three days because we had planned for a boy. In the end it was the nurse who named her Alexandra Leigh. We call her Alex.
I just knew my oldest was a boy and was not disappointed, with my youngest I had no idea, but worried if a girl that something would be wrong. When I went in for my amnio and ultrasound and they told me the baby was a boy, I just knew everything would be okay.
I just love you. Can I say that?
And I love Laura too. I've ordered her book and I just can't wait!
I am chuckling at your expectations of having girls… “I expected quiet. Coloring books. Imaginary games with stuffed animals. Reading. Playing board games. Weebles.”
My nearly nine year old big boy spends his time reading, exploring the outdoors, finding frogs and lizards, hammering outdoors and telling me all he knows about what he has been reading. He is mostly quiet (unless he has an ear to bend to tell you all his facts and figures and tidbits from a book!), contemplative, trying to engage his sisters in an imaginary game or a board game, asking to play a video game or a computer game, drawing and the like.
My first girl, second child is usually quiet and a lot like what you described if you added in doll/mommy play. She likes to be near to me and help with everything.
My third child, second girl… is sooooooo far from what you described as your imagined girl that I want you to try her out for a week and see if she fits with the boys!! Now, she is allllllllllllllll girl in the pinks and princesses, but she fits into: NOISE (she has absolutely NO volume control still at age 5 1/2!) with yelling, screaming, screeching, burping, tooting, laughing full boar, etc. Chasing? She chases anything that moves when she is in a silly mood – every day, that means! Yes, she also does punching, slapping, pinching, biting at times (although I think we are moving past the biting), and general hurt to get heard kinds of behavior, climbing… counters instead of trees (as ours aren't not climber trees!) and plenty of getting in the hose. Action and Drama and tons of energy. I think I should read the book to learn to “deal” with HER!!!
Sorry this “comment” ended up so long! I think I, also – like Dawn, just wrote my own blog post on your page!
I love reading Laura's stories and was blessed enough to win a copy in a giveaway. I had always hoped to be mama of boys only, God gave me one of each and I think that's pretty special too, but all girls and I may lay myself down to cry each night! 😉
Good thing God knows more than we do and He's the one in control.
Thanks, Michelle, for sharing about my book!
Yes, different is good. And I wouldn't have it any other way. (But…I might like a granddaughter someday…!)
I just love the first part of this post and your oh so very honest description of life with your boys. When I was told I was having a girl I was initially, for a day or two, disappointed, only because I, my husband and both families were convinced it would be a boy. I had to laugh at your reasoning for being blessed with boys, because I can no more style my own hair or anyone else's better than you can. Thankfully my daughter has curly hair and will not allow me to touch it, other than to put one hair clip at the front to keep her hair from flopping in her eyes which annoys her just sufficiently to allow that. I was a tomboy and my daughter is very girlie so it has been interesting learning to deal with that but I love seeing it all unfold.
Bottom line I think we fall headlong in love with the children we are given and somehow the children we get are exactly right for us.
I so enjoyed Laura's book, even though I have just one boy 🙂 I learned quite a bit about parenting boys in general. She's so thoughtful with her words.
Hee – I had a moment of profound disappointment when my daughter was born because I had wanted a boy so much! I had pictured myself with a house full of them.
But you're right – God is wise. He did give me a boy later, and I'm glad that He did but . . . I'm also glad that he only gave me one. I feel like with just the one that I'm outnumbered!
I sure love that kid though. Thanks for the recommendation.
First off, I have to say this: No matter the topic, you're simply delightful to read.
Secondly, … whew. I was definitely made to be a mama of girls.
You, however, seem to handle it with such grace, Ms. Graceful. (And good humor, too!)
Great post.
Love your words when describing boys – sundry emissions, bed-head, water and comb. Ha! I grew up with one sister, too. But God gave me a girl to start off with. Then two boys. Since my daughter is married and out of the house, per se, I am totally outnumbered here. Thanks for the link.
Your honesty is always refreshing. I wanted one of each and got that. But the girl was first and after having the boy, I was certain that if we got the third I wanted, it should be a boy. My girl was high maintenance–but now that she's a mother we're on the same wave length. I think it's funny that she wants her second to be a boy, so she has two boys. She's scared her daughter will be like me, just as she was so like my mom, and thus we were at odds.
I will direct her to the book. Thanks for the info.
Thank you so much for the book suggestion.
http://curiousgeorgi.blogspot.com/
I wouldn't trade my boy for anything. I'm telling you, boys rock! I love reading about yours on a regular basis. Wait until they can start reading your blog. It's a trip!
As for I'm Outnumbered, I can't wait to read it. I'm also buying it for my sister (she has 3 boys)!
Your boys are adorable. I always wanted a boy to go with my girl, but God had a different plan.
nice. all boys here so my wife is definitely out numbered…i am a boy and i am still figuring mine out…smiles. might look this one up…
When I finally got my daughter (child #3), I dressed her in her brothers hand me downs. I just couldn't be bothered with the fru fru stuff. I know if I had given birth to her first, she would have been loaded with ruffles. I think my boys were to teach me to do away with the fluff of life. And to learn to deal with body noises. 🙂
Gloria