When I read the article in the Sunday paper, I knew what I had to do.
The story was about Carolyn, a mom of five young boys. She’d wrangled everyone into the car one morning and drove across town to Elliott Elementary, where they were having a winter coat drive for families in need. The problem was that by the time Carolyn got herself and her five boys to the school that morning, a sign was already posted on the door: coats and clothing gone. Not a single glove, hat or jacket was left.
When I read that, and thought of Carolyn standing tired and frustrated outside the school with all her kids, it was perfectly clear what I should do. God practically printed the instructions for me in black ink across the newspaper page. The trouble was that I didn’t particularly want to do it. I didn’t want to go to the trouble of emailing the reporter and tracking down the contact information for Carolyn. And worse, I didn’t want to call a perfect stranger to have an awkward conversation and risk sounding like a creepy lunatic.
Recently I read the story in Luke in which Jesus sends Simon Peter back out to sea to fish. In the past I’ve always focused on the “following” aspect of this story – the fact that Simon Peter abandons all his worldly possessions and his livelihood to follow Jesus to become a “fisher of men.” But this time I noticed something else. When Jesus instructs Simon to return to sea to let down his nets again, Simon Peter says this:
“Master, we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” (Luke 5:5, NLT)
Can you hear the doubt and reluctance in Simon Peter’s answer? “But if you say so,” he says begrudgingly, wearily. I can almost hear his thought-process – “What a waste of time, I was out there all night and didn’t catch a single fish. I don’t feel like dealing with the hassle of heading back out. But whatever…if you say so…”
The key is that Simon Peter obeys God; he acts in obedience, in spite of his reluctance and doubt. In spite of the fact that he simply does not want to.
“Go out where it is deeper,” Jesus tells Simon Peter.
Go deeper.
Where does God want us to go when we distrust or feel inclined to disobey? He wants us to go deeper – acting, following, obeying; walking obediently through distrust and out the other side.
I finally called Carolyn. I admit, I procrastinated for a day or so after I got her telephone number from the reporter. But I finally made the call. And yeah, I felt silly and awkward, and I stammered and stuttered my way through the conversation. In the end it turned out that my call to Carolyn wasn’t the first she’d received. Others had read the same article and made the same call (and clearly they hadn’t procrastinated), and her boys were all properly outfitted for the winter by the time I contacted her.
The call wasn’t entirely fruitless though. Although Carolyn didn’t need my help, making the call had actually helped me. I’d gone deeper, pushing through my reluctance and distrust, obeying God when I didn’t particularly want to, and emerging grateful and somehow fuller on the other side.
So tell me…when have you obeyed God when you didn’t particularly want to? Did you learn anything?
Writing about spiritual practices {practicing obedience} with Ann today.
