When I heard that my friend Shelly had begun a Sabbath practice, I emailed her to ask how it was going. Because truthfully, I feel a little lost in my Sabbath practice. I don’t feel like I’m doing it “right.” I feel like I might be missing something. I feel restless and irritable. I keep wanting to paint the bathroom or dust the chandelier. This seems like a bad sign.
Before I launched the new Sabbath practice back in November I established a few rules to keep myself on task. I didn’t go crazy. But I knew I’d cheat if I didn’t have rules.
So.
No shopping.
No cleaning, housework (with the exception of meal prep and dishes), laundry, organizing or aimless busy work.
No technology.
No projects (i.e. no painting the bathroom).
No writing.
Last Sunday Rowan begged to play Monopoly. You should know that Monopoly is the bane of my existence. It’s the game I push under the farthest reaches of the couch in the hopes that it will go unnoticed for months on end. When Rowan asked to play Monopoly, I tried desperately to come up with a reason to say no. But it was the Sabbath. I had plenty of time to play Monopoly.
Suffice to say, it did not end well. Rowan got angry because I refused to alert him every time I landed on his property. (Hey, if I’m going to play Monopoly, I’m in it to win it). He fumed and then in his flailing angst, knocked a spider plant off the shelf, strewing dirt and ceramic pot shards all over the sunroom floor. I made him vacuum it up (after all, I couldn’t vacuum…it was the Sabbath), and he ranted and raved and ended up in his room, and I pouted on the couch and thought, “This doesn’t feel very Sabbath-y.” I eagerly looked forward to sunset when I could dust and waste prodigious amounts of time on Facebook.
When the sun dipped below the horizon that evening I got on the computer and emailed Shelly. Of course, her Sabbath practice is going splendidly. Life-changing. Glorious. But her kids are older than mine. And she lives in balmy South Carolina, not arctic Nebraska. I have young kids. Boys. And it’s winter. With no snow. How in the world is a mother supposed to practice the Sabbath in January with two unruly boys underfoot?
So this is my rambling way of asking on a Friday, as the Sunday Sabbath looms right around the corner again, if you have any good ideas for practicing the Sabbath with unruly boys in January? And please don’t suggest Monopoly. It’s back under the couch.
((((Michelle)))) Any ideas? Grace, grace, and grace. And laugh. Honestly laugh at all the things that try to sabotage your efforts, and don’t let honoring the Sabbath be about works, sweet friend. It’s a matter of the heart between you and God. If you need to vacuum up the dirt, it’s ok. And give the boys time to adjust…lots of time. Maybe you could brainstorm with the boys on Saturday about what y’all can do together on Sunday that everyone can agree with. Then on Sunday if they ask you to do something else that you know will likely not go well, you can remind them of what y’all had agreed to the day before. Maybe y’all can take turns choosing something to do together on Sunday. You are such a good mama, Michelle…and a blessing to your boys. They probably won’t realize it until they are adults, but one day they will see and they will bring the Sabbath into their own lives and homes. So ask the LORD to give you a joy on the Sabbath…a joy that rises above the circumstances that will inevitably occur. xox
Patricia, You are so kind to me. Thank you for your friendship and YOUR grace! I like your idea about discussing Sunday’s options on Saturday – planning is always a good thing for me!
I completely agree, Patricia. To not stress about those things that will inevitably happen from time to time to upset the Sabbath plan. And planning ahead is a great suggestion.
I laughed. I’m sorry. I only laughed because it was the been-there done-that laugh. And, I’ll probably be there again this weekend. 😉
Five, or more, years ago, I read an incredible book called “No Ordinary Home” by Carol Brazo. It took about two years after reading that before my family even delved into a Sabbath routine. Three years later, there is no routine. Just a lot of grace. Somehow Carol’s book gave me permission to try and fail and try again. I’m not sure if it’s still in print but I highly recommend it!
I now have 2 teenagers. Quite honestly, Sabbath has gotten harder, not easier. We are on the go more. They have things they have committed to, we have other things. It’s crazy sometimes… lots of times… ok, most of the time!
So, we sit down for Sabbath when we can, and here is what we do…
1. Sabbath for us starts at supper time on Saturday. I try to have the laundry mostly caught up and the house picked up. It is a rare treat, indeed, when the laundry is finished and the house is clean before Sabbath. When we first started and my 9 year old was little, I also had everyone bathed before supper. It seem to make the evening more enjoyable and less work for me.
2. I fix a nice meal with the intent of left-overs. I love to make bread (the great thing? not everyone does… which is why they sell it at the grocery store 😉 ), so I make my own rendition of challah.
3. I set the table, sometimes using china, though not always. I have 2 candles on the table in honor of the Jewish tradition of “remember the Sabbath” and “observe the Sabbath.” We are not Jewish. I did this just to teach my children a little culture. 😉
4. Before we thank the Lord for our food, we hold hands and go around the table blessing one another. Each person must say something they appreciate about each one of the other members of our family. There are five of us. This takes about five minutes. It has been a very good exercise for my two teens to have to think of and say something nice to their siblings.
5. We say grace and eat. Afterward, everyone helps with clean up and dishes. 😉
6. After supper, we read a chapter from the New Testament. We are currently in 1 Corinthians. We are just taking our time going through the Bible. On a regular week night, when we are all home, we read in the Old Testament and are almost finished with Isaiah.
7. Each member of our family prays.
8. We play games, read, or watch a movie.
9. We try to get to bed early to be well-rested for church.
10. After church, we come home and have left-overs and watch football or play a game, go for a walk, read a book, take a nap, do homework, etc.
It doesn’t always work like that Norman Rockwell painting I just portrayed. In fact, it rarely does but Sabbath is my favorite day of the week!
Praying for you as you work it out!
~Heidi
Wow, Heidi, thank you so much for sharing your Sabbath ritual with us here. I’ve gotten some good ideas from you (making bread!). Thanks, too, for the book recommendation. I’m going to try to track that one down.
Blessings and grace, friend – thank you!!
You are welcome. We’re in this thing together! 😉
Carol Brazo’s book is unfortunately out of print. I found my copy at a resale shop. I hope you can find a copy too!
That is awesome, Heidi! Wow!
confession: i have cheated at monoploy….to LOSE. slipped money into the bank when people weren’t looking. confession: i treat saturday more like a sabbath than sunday. confession: we never go without technology unless there is a power outage. confession: i don’t think i have any ideas for you. we’re too much alike for me to be a help. ever.
Like Michelle, you, Kendal, have given me laughter today!
I’m laughing now, too – I totally cheat at Monopoly to put an end to the misery faster!
I LOVE your honesty, Kendal — WHEN are we going to sit down over coffee together??!! When are you coming to Nebraska?! I know…never…sigh.
Just so you know I started out my first email to the Surrendering to Sabbath Society Sisters (35 of us, can you believe that?) saying this: “This isn’t about perfection or achieving sainthood, it’s about linking arms knowing that what we gain in the observance results in transformation as we focus on Peace. And that is the goal of this pilgrimage of faith, right?” You are right, I have the luxury of teens who aren’t in a million activities on weekends that require my attendance and who can drive themselves where they need to go. But I think that is why He chooses the word Remember in the commandment, because he knows how easy it is to forget how important it is in our busy full lives. But when we do remember the Sabbath and keep it holy, He honors it. That is what I’m experiencing. And I’m grateful. Love your heart Michelle, honored to call you friend.
Grateful for your perspective, Shelly. I think maybe I should sign up for that email…
I had to laugh. Monopoly is our favorite family game, but sometimes it does go terribly wrong. (My hair is the bane of my existence.)
Since you’re willing to make the Sabbath the Sabbath, then satan is going to try everything in his power to stop it. Only his power is nothing compared to the power of our Father God. I pray you find peace in your weekend and maybe some snow?
And your friend lives in SC?! If you ever visit her you’ll have to let me know!
Thanks, Renee. No snow in the forecast, but it’s going to be in the 50s, so at least we can go for a hike!
Maybe your sabbath is missing a list of “dos” like “I will look for beauty” or “I will choose to do what brings joy.” The problem with young children is that we lack much control over our circumstances, if I plan to go to a flower show, they might wake up sick. So rather than making it my goal to get to the flower show(for a much needed glimpse of beauty and the promise of spring), I can make it my goal to embrace beauty within the confines of my day (which at this point are largely determined by four young children!).
If I already posted this, forgive me, but I heard someone speak about the sabbath recently and described the difference between the sabbath and the work week as being not in what we do or don’t do, but in our stance. In his words, the work week is for “productivity” or “mastry” and the sabbath for “receptivity” or openness beyond what we’re able to have when we’re focused on productivity. This was a helpful distinction to me. In this way, maybe the sabbath as being about an awareness of Presence being at the forefront, rather than at the backdrop of the day. That said, often what I need isn’t a list of rules or ideas, but permission to PLAY with something, often when I do, my soul feels when I get it “right” which may not involve the same formula everytime.
Blessings on your sabbath adventure, I’m sure God’s smiling on your intentions and maybe God’s not so into monopoly either!
I love the explanation of productivity vs. openness — that really resonates with me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Kelly – this is really helpful to me.
Ah, a kindred spirit. I detest Monopoly too. As for sabbath, pretty sure we would not get a passing grade.
I just had to say that I HATE Monopoly….its the worst. So, I totally get how that could ruin your Sabbath, in and of itself. Having said that, I would remind you that with any “new” habit it takes time to work all the kinks out. Give yourself and the boys time and space to figure it out. It might work out, and then again with boys involved you might need to do some tweaking:) Who said Sabbath couldn’t involve an outdoor family activity like a hike or ice skating?
Brad did take Rowan ice skating a couple of weekends ago when i had the flu. That’s the other problem…we’ve all been sick, so activities have been even more limited than usual. I think this Sunday a hike is in order — good idea!
And thank you for the encouragement, Gabe!!
Oh you made me laugh this morning. Haven’t been there in a number of years … but stop kicking yourself. It was your son’s choice to be mad – not yours. I love what you have challenged yourself to do – for the Sabbath. For your boys? Lego? I loved making villages of Lego with my kids – cars, and sometimes we added paper houses to make more houses in the village.
Go for a cold Nebraskan scavenger hunt.. Write down what you want to find and see if you can find those things. Come back for hot chocolate with marshmallows.
Have an hour quiet reading time where everyone reads and then share what you have read. Or draw pictures or make playdough characters for the story (you too).
I think the whole idea of this habit is to get us out of normal routine – computers and put us into people. And just LIVE the day enjoying the fact you are alive and able to live the day.
How old are your boys?
I would love to find out how your next Sabbath goes.
Blessings,
Janis
They are ages 7 and 11. I really like the Nebraska Scavenger Hunt idea. We are outdoor people, so burning some of that pent-up energy outdoors, even on cold, snowless day, would be good.
Thanks, Janis!! I’m sure I’ll be writing more about Sabbath in the future, so stay tuned!
Your post today is sheer delight, Michelle. I understand what you’re saying…..but it’s the WAY you say it. So funny! You have probably described millions of Christian households around the globe who may be trying to establish peace and tranquillity on a Sabbath/Sunday.
Your ‘rules’ for yourself are good ones, but we don’t live by the law, right? We live in sweet grace. God knows your heart, my friend. Do as you feel led to do…and God will do the rest. Love you, Michelle.
Thanks for the encouragement, Jilllie. Truly. At least we can laugh at it all (later), right?!
two words: Silly string.
I set up their action figures and they have to try to shoot them down. Snap circuts (you can buy them at Amazon). I try to google ideas for keeping the boys busy but not working. They really enjoy anything messy and exciting, which sucks, but I seem to be managing this winter so far. We baked rocks in the oven and colored them with crayons which is cool because it melts the wax.
YOu know what game is terrible? Candyland. it breaks all my boys hearts.
My boys are younger than yours so I don’t think I have good advice. I think if you plan some busy fun activity it will turn out okay though. OH OH! Stickers. We live for stickers.
Oh my gosh, you are so right about Candyland. I used to always rig that one so one of the kids won…they would absolutely fall about if they landed on the candy that sent them back to square one.
Silly string. Are you kidding me? THAT is the bane of my existence – forget Monopoly — Silly String will send me straight into the room with rubber walls!
We do a lot of shooting down of action figures around here…that never seems to get old, no matter what their age.
Also a few weeks ago Rowan “decorated” his bedroom door with return address labels. That was fun. For him.
Maybe try a different game? Have you played Settlers of Catan? Pretty simple, highly-addictive… could be a good option. Otherwise, growing up my friends and I always hung out at someone’s house on Sunday afternoon, so some afternoons my parents were kid-free and other weeks they had more kids in the house than normal, but we were keeping each other entertained…
I like the way you think, Jake – ship the kids off to a friends’ house (I know, I’m totally kidding — but really, that’s a good idea…trade off for Sunday playdates. The kids are always really glad to have their friends over here, too – and they are all better at entertaining themselves. It gets insanely loud…but I’ll take that over Monopoly angst).
Thanks for the game suggestion, too — haven’t heard of that…will check it out.
Settlers of Catan is a lot of fun! A single game doesn’t last as long as monopoly, but we tend to play more games. It has some pretty cool game variations available, too.
I looooved Monopoly until I had kids. Now I just tolerate it. 🙂
We like to play quick games. Jenga is a favorite. My husband also recently introduced us to Tsuro of the Seas. It’s fun and quick.
I’m also a fan of family movie night. I’ll usually whip up some quick French Bread Pizza, throw in some chips and raw veggies, and we’ll snack while we watch the movie.
Friday night is family movie night around here – that’s more my style! We eat dinner while we watch the movie, too – fun, relaxing, easy.
{I think I liked Monopoly better before I had kids, too!}
Wow! You spent a few hours just goofing off with your kid, doing what he wanted to do!
Pretty cool! Way to go, Michelle!
Chuckle yes… another Sabbath ‘loser’ contributes to the conversation…
The first time I tried this after reading Marva Dawn’s “Keeping the Sabbath Wholly”… and it’s hard. I have (I try though mostly fail) only one rule: to only do what I would CHOOSE to do, (except for laundry – throwing it in the washer & dryer seems like a gift). So if on any other day I would CHOOSE to putter in my garden and pull weeds, that’s Sabbath. I can’t imagine choosing to mow the lawn though, maybe you/someone else would. What I found was there was time to visit a friend at the hospital. or write a note to an elderly aunt, because I wasn’t “doing”. Maybe one Sunday your kid chooses an hour’s activity, but then the next Sunday – you choose one. Read out loud (Farly Mowat “The Dog Who Wouldn’t Be” or the original “Cheaper by the Dozen”). Best of luck… and wish me some too!
I really like your perspective on this, Kelly. And I will check out that book — thank you for the suggestion! {puttering in the garden would definitely be Sabbath…mowing the lawn, not so much!}
One other idea from Marva Dawn that gives another perspective. Rather than the western thinking of starting the Sabbath on Sunday morning, consider that the Jewish Sabbath starts at sundown and finishes at sundown. So if you “start” Sabbath on Saturday after supper, you finish on Sunday after supper… time to get ready and “do” for Monday.
Maybe your Sabbath doesn’t have to last ALL day. That’s a long time with little kids! I try to have no tech during my morning quiet time, and lessening online time on the weekend, but I still write and do art. Maybe your great sabbath season will come later.
That’s a really good point, Anna. Maybe starting with a half-day would be more manageable. My expectations don’t always resemble my reality!
wow all these comments! You really hit a nerve, dear Michelle. If it makes you feel better I am lousy at Sabbath keeping and am on Shelly’s list. I appreciate you sharing your list: that is where I need to start and I know my first item not to do on sabbath: play monopoly! see I am a fast learner….
I just emailed Shelly to ask to be put on her Sabbath Sisterhood list — so I’m with you, sister!
Oh Michelle! This is so funny. I thought that Rowan was your husband! !! 🙂 My husband drives my family crazy, because when he plays Monopoly, he starts wheeling and dealing big time, and with all his aggressive and brillianr maneuvers, the whole game is over in about forty minutes. My poor, stunned family never knows what hit them. Maybe you could have a Sabbath version of Monopoly–it’s over in a half hour, and everything is fine. I laughed aloud about how you got by without vacuuming because it was the Sabbath. Seriously, though, I hear you. I think what Shelly said about remembering that it’s not about perfection is a good start. And just the fact that you are already thinking about the “Sabbath around the corner,” shows you that there is always a new Sabbath to observe, always new hope, and that you are remembering that there is a Sabbath to honor. What more could God ask?
I am laughing out loud at your wheeling, dealing Monopolizing husband – too funny! I think I’d be happy playing with him – I’d be out of my misery sooner!
Michelle – so funny! This year we discovered Cars 2 Monopoly. Twenty minutes. Push the car around, buy and rent cars. Quick and easy and simple and fun – and a delightful excuse not to have to play a marathon Monopoly game – ugh! I’m with you on that one!
“Mom, let’s play Monopoly.”
“Sure, if it’s the Cars one.”
“Okay!”
And we’re all happy. Isn’t that part of the Sabbath idea? Time, simple, enjoy, together, no to-do lists…
Cars 2 Monopoly sounds more Rowan’s and my speed – thank you for the recommendation!
Michelle – first time here for me – via Shelly’s. Just a thought – you might like to read Marva Dawn’s, “Keeping the Sabbath Wholly: Ceasing, Resting, Embracing, Feasting” (1989). She has some thought provoking ideas about the Sabbath, and even if you don’t decide to adopt any of them, reading it might fill a few of those hours when you might otherwise feel compelled to play more rounds of Monopoly!!
Thanks for visiting, Judy. You’re the second person to recommend Keeping Sabbath Wholly in these comments – a nudge from God that perhaps this should be the next book on my list. Thank you!!
Do you know how grateful I am for you!?!? Oh, friend. Our first several Sabbath attempts were DISASTERS. First, I just tried too hard, which…um, clearly isn’t Sabbathy. My family thought I was loco and that Sabbath meant Force Family Fun. And, mandatory naps. Epic Fail! Carol Brazo’s book (someone previously mentioned) as well as Marva Dawn’s Keeping the Sabbath Wholly were truly inspirational. But, it wasn’t until the Food Retreat at Laity Lodge, a while back, that I finally began to surrender to Sabbath. Speaking of, you saw our friend Shelly’s Surrender to Sabbath Society, right? Yay for Sabbath Sistas! Love, Kristin
Yep, we just closed a winter Sabbath in Nebraska (we celebrate the 7th-day Sabbath). So, I hear ya on the challenge! Except, I’m with your friend Shelly, and after a lifetime of following this practice, it’s in many ways glorious and splendid and life-changing. Not saying that to rub it in, but to encourage you to stick with it. It will get better!
For us, Sabbaths are rest through and through. Our whole family naps or has “quiet time” after church and a large lunch. If the weather’s rough, we “cheat” on the no-technology-thing and watch a nature documentary together. We also are often with friends or family for lunch or the afternoon–fellowship is a huge part of our Sabbaths. And I personally love catching up on reading (I try to keep it to religious material).
Keep with it! God gave it to us as a blessing, not a burden. And happy Sabbath 🙂
PS, we might be closer than I realized. You write for our local paper : )
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