It began with a rejection.
A guest post I’d submitted to an online community I admire was rejected. This is standard, I realize, for the writing profession. Not every article, not every book, not every blog post will be accepted. But still. It hurts. Rejection always makes me doubt myself and my abilities. It always makes me feel less-than. And it always fuels the hot flames of comparison.
Turned out, though, the rejection itself wasn’t the real problem. The real issue was that I wanted to belong. I wanted to part of the “in crowd.”
You wouldn’t think there’d be an in-crowd in Christian blogging, would you? But there is. There’s an in-crowd everywhere – in every school, in every office, in every church, in every community. Like every in-crowd, if you’re part of it, you may not even realize it. But if you’re not part of the in-crowd, you know it.
I scrolled through the names and photos listed on the contributors pages of that online community. I read the bios, many of which I’ve read before, more than once. I wanted my picture there. I wanted my bio there. I wanted to belong there. I wanted what everyone listed there seemed to have.
If I belonged there, it would be enough, I thought to myself as I scrolled. I would be fulfilled. Satisfied. Content. Confident. Being a member of that group, that in-crowd, would fix everything.
I know this is baloney. Intellectually I know this isn’t how it works. Even if I were a member of that group, or that community, or that in-crowd, I’d still be clamoring for more. My head knows this. But my heart does not.
“Do your best in the job you received from the Master. Do your very best.” (Colossians 4:17)
Paul wrote that advice to a fellow named Archippus. I don’t know who Archippus was or what his job was, but it sounds to me like he might have been feeling a little down, a little frayed around the edges, a little defeated. It sounds perhaps like Archippus might have been clamoring for a little more; that perhaps he was straining against the job he’d received from the Master, wishing for a different, better job. Paul was reminding a disgruntled Archippus to focus on the job God gave him – not on someone else’s job, not on what everyone else was doing, but on the job given especially to him.
I made myself a picture with the words of that verse. I drove over to Hobby Lobby and bought a spool of red ribbon to match, and Brad fixed a strip of it to the back of the frame. When the glue dried, I hung the picture on a hook right next to my desk. I can see the words as I type.
Every day, every hour that I’m at my desk, I come back to those words, repeating them like a prayer. Those words refocus my heart and my mind on my role, the one God has especially designed for me.
I think, if we’re honest, that we all yearn to be part of the in-crowd at one time or another. Maybe you’re lucky and you haven’t felt that desire since the eighth grade. Maybe, like me, you’re feeling it right now. Maybe you’re looking at those moms in the super-cute platform sandals and the perfectly flat-ironed hair, or those colleagues who seem to be climbing the ladder and in-like-flynn with the boss, and you’re thinking, I want that. I want to be there. I want to be one of those people.
Please, though, do yourself a favor. Give yourself this gift. Remind yourself that God has a job especially designed just for you and that your mission is to do that job to the very best of your ability. Every day. No matter what anyone else is doing or accomplishing. No matter what everyone else’s job is.
God has a job with your name on it.
Remind yourself of that truth again and again, every hour if you need to, until you believe it. Not only in your head, but in your heart.
This is timely, Michelle. God has prepared for me what He would have me do. I only have to step out and do it. He gets the glory and I get the happiness of knowing it was for me to do. Thanks for sharing.
Praying for you as you step out, renee!
It’s such a struggle, isn’t it? Or, maybe it’s just me. As much I love the online community, it is uniquely equipped to amplify what I perceive as “in” and “out” and…I often find myself “out.” I keep trying to remember God doesn’t divide the Body of Christ. Like I said…I’m TRYING to remember that. And, I’ve been challenged by the HS to recognize that, when I long to be part of a different crowd, I’m neglecting the incredible people sitting right at my very own table.
I love you, and what you’ve got going on right here in this beautiful community.
Yes, absolutely – i love when you remind me of communing with the people at my own table.
I’d be more than happy to sit at that table with you two. Rejection letters or not.
This came at just the right time – thank you for doing the job God put your name on!
I absolutely love this, Michelle. I know the feeling. And I just want to say this: you use your talents beautifully. Not everyone will appreciate them, but oh, yes… keep going forward.
Deeper Story doesn’t like me, if that makes you feel better. 🙂
Love this Michelle. It’s so very true. I’m going to steal this idea and print it out for our house. If I ever find the box with the printer in it…..
God has a job with your name on it. (That is the hardest part of what you wrote. To wait and be patient for the job or the journey to begin.)
Thank you for giving a new perspective and thought.
Ok…I think you just might have been in my head when you wrote this! I have had so many feelings of not belonging to the “in crowd!” And…I thought you were part of that crowd. And I love what Deidra said about neglecting those at our own table when we long for something different!
By the way…what a GORGEOUS writing space!
Thanks, Mary – it’s small, very small – and in the middle of the chaos that is my life (boys), but it works.
Amen, Michelle! What wonderful advice to do the work God has given only to us and to do it to the best of our ability. I can’t think of a higher calling . . .
Blessings!
You’re always “in” with me, and I hope that’s OK, because I’m usually on the outside of wherever “in” is.
And where is “in” anyway?
(Oh wait. I know where “in” is!!! “But by His doing you are IN Christ Jesus …” 1 Cor 1:30 )
Lovely.
also why is your desk so clean? You’re making me feel weird about myself! heheh
Ha! It’s so clean because it’s so small … I don’t have the space to pile up all the papers and books. But when I’m in the middle of a writing project, you should see the floor around my desk – not pretty!
And look at you? Ms. Pinterest Craft person. I’m impressed. Very. Impressed.
It is true that every time we get a no, it feel like someone is saying, “you’re not enough.” But I’ve learned, and am still learning, that in God’s economy, a no is sometimes a protection from a yes. I’ve been astonished over and over about how what I think is a door slamming in my face, is clearly seen as God’s providence later. It just hurts in the moment. But it also helps me to remember that God is the gatekeeper and I must trust in his judgement. He knows you and me better than we know ourselves. And that is comforting. Love you Michelle. You truly are enough.
I must confess I know nothing about the online Christian writing community, which tells you how “in” I am, but I know people who know people, and, let me tell you, it’s as cliquish as anything you’ll ever come across. Sad, I know, but all the more reason to not let a group or a person be your motivator, or attempt to determine your worth as a writer. There’s a Scripture that says, “Your gift will make room for you,” and while I’ve had trouble swallowing that one at times, I’ve found it to be true. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach for things and submit articles and proposals and all of that good stuff, which requires great effort and focus (it’s part of the job duties), but it does mean that when the time and place are right, your gift will be accepted and will shine as intended. Perseverance is key. You’re a great writer. Keep submitting.
Does insecurity ever really go away while in this body?
Right now my battle is being beyond ‘motherhood with kids “in” the house’. Closing my shop and selling our farm. Everything is changing for us and it seems the mind-battles intensify when living life ‘in between’.
I’ve also noticed my own worldly thinking about being an aging woman in the USA. I’m challenged to check where my identity comes from. Like Jennifer Lee says above: “IN Christ”. Praise God!
I needed to read this post Michelle. I resonate with your words here pretty well myself. Thanks for the glorious truth reminders here. Would love to come to Lincoln & hang out this summer! Blessings, friend! Your words always infuse life and hope into my soul – thank you so much! (And may I say, your words feel more ‘real’ and relatable than most all I read from the ‘online in crowd’. 🙂 (B/c I agree – in a Christian blogging community, there’s shouldn’t be one. But there definitely IS.)
Would love to have you come for a visit, Sarah!!!
I love this post so much — your transparency has always been inspiring.
Can I tell you that — that I love your writing desk with its view outside — the mug, the papers, the space of it all — it just made me all kinds of happy.
Sorry I don’t come over as much as I used to — I’ve been busy — it’s like I go in streaks of reading. I’m as inconsistent as a baseball team.
Hugs.
I love the views of my backyard, too – and the fact that this desk was my grandmother’s – isn’t that cool?
No apologies needed, dear Harriett – life is busy — and there are many more important things than reading blogs!
Oh, and you moved. I need to note that somewhere.
Where do I note that? Ideas?
In your head?
Nah!
Oh, Michelle, your words hit me hard and yet with God’s Truth. I need both…BOTH! For I need to remember that He has called me to His purposes and not mine. Yes, I will remind myself over and over until I know it in my heart, my head, and my soul. Thank you so very much for your words. They may not have gone to a certain online community but they are right here where they are needed by ones such as me! Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Thank you, sweet Linda.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! It was like you were writing my thoughts, Michelle. Thank you for making sense of them and putting it all in perspective. Your desk area is lovely, by the way.
Good words to see everyday, Michelle. And … I love your Polish teapots.
Fondly,
Glenda
Wonderful, thoughtful post, Michelle. Thank you. I am spending time at the moment, searching my Father’s heart, for the purpose He has made me for.
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