We are continuing our Everyday Grace guest post series today with Evi Wusk from Evi Like Chevy. I’ve been acquainted with Evi for a couple of years now – we’ve even worked on a few projects together at church (we are both members of Southwood Lutheran). But just recently, after the Jumping Tandem Retreat, we’ve spent a little more one-on-one time together, and I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know her a little better. I love Evi’s passion and enthusiasm, her unique ability to connect with young adults and the fact that she brings a gargantuan bag of Twizzlers to share at church meetings.
I said yes without thinking. That was my first mistake.
When Michelle asked if I’d write a guest post for her blog, I naively hit the send button after keying three quick letters, y-e-s. Maybe if I’d taken the time to write out a sentence–which probably would have stated that I’ve never done this before–I would have seen my enthusiasm for what it was: naive stupidity. As soon as I lifted my finger off the enter key, it sprung up to cover my mouth as my cantaloupe eyes seemed to bust out of my head. What have I done. . .ahhh. . .just what do you think you’ll write, anyway? Undo. Undo!
So, a week later with my panic lulling more like Eyore in the background than Tigger bouncing on my eardrum, I wrote a midweek blog post. As I cleaned up the last phrases, I sat back and thought. . . I should save this one. What if God doesn’t show up the week I’m supposed to write for Michelle?
The poor theology in this question rolled its eyes and said, “You’re kidding, right?” Sure, I can say in my best sing-song, Sunday school voice that “God always shows up, God is always present. , and God is faithful,” but do those words do any heavy-lifting in my actual life? I don’t want to trivialize these deep statements, but I’m starting to wonder how much I know but don’t really KNOW.
Do I ever live the subtle difference between knowing faith and living faith?
If I know God always shows up, why is it so tough to hit publish on one itty-bitty post? Why does it raise my anxiety to spend a draft today instead of putting it in the bank, safe for later. Do I ever have the gumption to leave tomorrow’s blank gleaming white–trusting and knowing that God will fill it in?
“One of the things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better.” – Annie Dillard, The Writing Life
When Michelle asked for everyday grace, I spent so much time looking for the everyday–commonplace, ordinary, normal–stuff that I forgot everyday grace shows up every single day. Sure, things and people disappoint, but we’re called to live in response to a God who never will.
Every day, day in, day out, day in, day out God is wedging a halo on things as normal as dishes in my sink and laundry folded (yet never quite put away). The concept of God’s faithfulness is slippery as my mind tries to grab it. It’s so foreign I can’t translate. Has the love that I give out been so off the mark, so poorly intentioned, that I can’t imagine a totally selfless and faithful love? I’d think my intentions are pure when I send out a card or give a listening ear, but when I’m in the presence of a constantly present, ever-faithful, giving-and giving-and then giving some more-type of love I don’t quite know what do with it. I just melt.
It’s the God who can evoke a posture like that Who can give us courage to leave a blank page for tomorrow and spend what God’s given today.
Evi Wusk is a licorice-loving mom and wife whose passion is teaching. She writes about faith at her blog, Evi Like Chevy, and loves spending time with her giggly daughter Charli and bearded hubby Ralph.