I knew I was in trouble the moment I slipped the necklace into my pants pocket. I stole it right out of my classmate’s desk during math, and the instant I balled the velvet strand and faux sapphire into my corduroys, I knew I was doomed.
Thou shall not steal.
I was only eight years old at the time, but I knew enough to know that I had committed a mortal sin.
I had an out, of course: the confessional. I could have simply walked into the tiny, dim alcove, drawn the burgundy curtain tight behind me, kneeled before the frosted window and confessed my sin to the priest.
But I couldn’t do it.
Alone in my bedroom I practiced what I would say to the shadowy figure who sat hunched behind the filmy window. But when it came time for the actual confession, I froze. I couldn’t get past the lump of fear in my throat.
The truth was, while I was terrified of eternal damnation, I feared the priest’s judgment more. And worse, I feared what I knew the priest would want me to do.
The penance didn’t scare me. I figured I’d get the standard fare – a handful of Our Fathers and Hail Mary’s on my knees in the quiet church. But I also knew the priest would insist I return the necklace to its rightful owner. I couldn’t bear the thought of the public humiliation. I dreaded my classmate’s disdain and my peers’ ridicule. Word would get out that I had stolen the necklace, and I knew my friends would gossip about me behind my back and mock me.
And so, I chose eternal damnation – and ultimately, estrangement from God – to save face.
I think this is true for a lot of us. While we are vigilant about what we consider the big sins, but we often miss the fact that the smaller, seemingly petty sins can be just as destructive. Coveting led me to steal the necklace in the first place, while pride and fear fueled my refusal to repent. True, I sinned when I stole the necklace. But I sinned again, and kept on sinning, when my pride prevented confession.
In the end, the big, scary, mortal sin wasn’t my biggest problem. Pride, it turned out, was my downfall. It was pride, rather than the theft itself, that severed my relationship with God.
“Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18, NLT)
Questions for Reflection:
What small sins are wreaking destruction in your life? Can you think of a time when a seemingly minor sin served to separate you from God?
: :
Welcome to the “Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday” community, a place where we share what we are hearing from God and his Word. If you’re here for the first time, click here for more information.
Please include the Hear It, Use It button (grab the code below) or a link in your post, so your readers know where to find the community if they want to join in — thank you!
Please also try to visit and leave some friendly encouragement in the comment box of at least one other Hear It, Use It participant. And if you want to tweet about the community, please use the #HearItUseIt hashtag.
Thank you — I am so grateful that you are here!
<a border=”0″ href=”https://michellederusha.com/” target=”_blank”> <img src=”http://i867.photobucket.com/albums/ab239/mderusha/HearItUseItImage-1.jpg”/></a>
When I was a young girl, I remember learning a saying in church: “Sin blinds; sin binds; sin grinds.” I thought of it tonight after reading your post. Confession brings us freedom, but we choose to remain in bondage sometimes. I think for me the hardest sin to let go of is when I get mad at someone who I feel has wronged me. Holding a grudge… that’s pride at its worst.
Oh you are so right, Lyli – that is so hard. I am a bit of a grudge-holder, I admit. It takes a while for me to hand it all back to God.
The confession topic hit me hard. I love Lyli’s response…confession does bring freedom, and while I know this I’m afraid of how my confession can hurt the other person. I may not be making sense but it was a topic with my husband and I tonight because I recently confessed over a sin I still struggle with. There was freedom in confessing but it hurt him to know I still haven’t found victory. Many times it is easier to remain in bondage…but I know He wants us to have victory so I’m working towards victory.
Blessings to you, Michelle. Thank you for hosting.
Praying for you, Beth, as you work toward victory and freedom from that bondage. I know, friend, I do.
Michelle,
Isn’t it amazing how those childhood sins nibble at the edges of our consciousness until we deal with them, redeem them, finally confess and forsake them? And then, ah, the freedom of 1 John 1:9! I blogged recently about my own childhood guild and what God did to purge me of it. I’d be honored if you’d visit Hungry for God . . . Starving for Time: http://lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-was-thief.html.
I look forward to stopping by, Lori – thank you for the link.
the thing that struck me the most is that we don’t have to suffer eternal damnation any longer, because we are Blood-covered. which is amazing. and He sees it anyway, even if we never tell a soul.
oh this was a heart-pricker, Michelle. thank you for your honesty, your love, and your vulnerable transparency. <3
So true, Rachel. I was so lost, I couldn’t see or understand that at the time. It took me a while (decades) but I get the concept of grace now, and sometimes, it just overwhelms me!
Yes, although we don’t have to confess to a priest but instead directly to God, we don’t like ‘doing’ what God requires of us. He wants us to make total restitution to show we are repentant. We don’t deserve His grace and I am thankful that He will abide in me so that He can indwell and transform me. Thanks for hosting again this week.
Michelle – Great post! We are thinking right up the same alley. Just finished a post for Missional Women about pride! Have a great week! Thanks for the link-up, my sweet friend! ~ Jen
Dear Michelle
Our Lord never took His eyes off you, dear one! Even while we’re yet lost in sin, did He love us and came for us! I just love how He convicts us deep in our hearts when we do wrong, but He never condemns!
Luv XX
Mia
So, so true, Mia – He was calling me back to him for years and years and I finally listened. I am so grateful that He never gave up on me!
Very thought provoking post! It is so easy to confess to God & then so difficult to go to that person we have wronged for the very reason you stated – pride. Yet there is such joy in the restoration. I cannot help but think of Ps. 51:7-8: “Cleanse me with hyssop & I will be clean; wash me & I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy & gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”
I especially like that last part: “let the bones you have crushed rejoice.” That is so powerful. I’ve read that psalm a number of times, but don’t recall that particular line. Thank you for bringing it to my attention today, Joanne.
Choosing sin is choosing eternal damnation. We don’t think of it that way, do we? Ouch. and Thank you.
Um, you get so personal, Michelle. 🙂 But that’s what good writers and friends do, so thank you. I’ve lived out this scenario myself quite often, letting one little sin lead to another, lead to another. The sins of pride and self-protection are ultimately at the root of my own self-destructive sins. So thankful Jesus saves me from myself!
It’s amazing what seems small but morphs into something huge and looming — such a burden. The bite of the fruit was just a bite…
I love that analogy, Laura: the bite of the fruit was just a single bite! Yes, so true!
Little foxes spoil the vine. My husband says all sins are a result of covetousness of one sort or another. Thank you for providing this space for a linky party.
Very good Monday post, Michelle, as always. Boy! You cut right to the heart with this one! I once heard it said that ALL sin can be traced back to pride. And it goes all the way back to the Garden–the blame game of Adam and Eve. That was pride and fear working there.
So…Here goes: My newest besetting sin is SMOKING! Gasp! Where I come from, that’s a mortal sin. I smoked years ago, and then 4 years ago I was under incredible stress over my daughter and my husband, and I returned to former “knowledge”, and picked up the filthy habit all over again, after having quit for 17 years!!! Not real bright, am I?!? NOW, I’m on a much-needed weight-loss journey and I know I can’t give up two vices at the same time. So I’ve told myself that AFTER this last 25 lbs., I will tackle this issue of smoking.
I’ve also been involved in some SLANDER lately—and I feel so deeply sorry for it. There’s that PRIDE thing again–wanting to be included in the “in-crowd” while belittling someone who is also in that crowd. And she’s my friend. I hate myself for this and am desperately trying to overcome the temptation. I know I need only confess and forsake these sins before my forgiving Father, but it’s also good to come clean before a trusted friend. And believe me, He HAS forgiven the sapphire necklace incident. You’ve accomplished His purposes today with your story. Thank you, Michelle.
Oh, Jillie, I know. I caught myself gossiping big-time this weekend, and I was so ashamed after the fact. I asked God for forgiveness, but the thing is, I knew I was doing wrong, and I did it anyway. I am stubborn that way. And you hit the nail on the head- I did it because I wanted to go along with the crowd.
I will pray for you, Jillie, as you tackle these vices. We are all weak; we all need to depend on God for everything – try not to be so hard on yourself, friend. We ALL have vices.
My stomach tightens into a knot as I read this. That’s how familiar I am with this sin… I always cry out the words from an old song: “How can you forgive me GOD when I can’t forgive myself?” It’s part of our personally induced penance, isn’t it, to carry the burden of guilt past the time when GOD has thrown it as far as from east to west?
The Name of GOD I’m focused on this week is “GOD is Just.” And the scripture, as Lori quoted is I John 1:9.
There’s a different song (see youtube) by Christa Wells, “Weightless” about how I’ve carried this burden a long time, like a well hidden bundle on my back, and it’s time to lay it down. I think you’ve done that now Michelle.
My first time visiting here and linking up! I heard about this community through Diana Troutwein’s blog, and today I posted yesterday’s sermon (our pastor being away said I could share a testimony; my Theologian Professor husband helped me craft a sermon; I’m not a pastor but the Lord really worked on my heart as I prepared and I think more of us in the pew should be mentored and have a chance to preach, if only so we’re less critical of preachers!). Thanks for welcoming me to the community; I may just come back without a sermon to share! 😉
Yay, yay – welcome, Beth! And way to go, brave woman, on stepping up with your testimony. I know that feeling of being utterly and completely out of your comfort zone – public speaking is NOT my forte.
I’m looking forward to stopping by your place – thanks for linking up (and I love Diana Trautwein!).
I smile at your story, because I was a bit older than 8 when I stole a pretty head scarf. I confessed direct to God, but I knew I had to take it back which I did slyly so no one would guess what I was doing. What a relief to get that off my back! Confession and restitution often go hand in hand.
I’m so glad you shared this story, Hazel. And you were brave, my friend, to return the scarf (even on the sly). I threw the necklace in the trash (but that didn’t get rid of the guilt!).
Thank you for hosting. My post this week is Waiting and Waiting and Waiting on God.
Ever had this experience?
As a brat kid, I stole many things. We figured a method to get into the movies free too. I am glad God has forgotten my past and loves me as I am.
Getting found out is such a big deterrent. I wish my mind would let me think of that before I give in to the temptation!
Sometimes I think those “small” sins no one sees are more dangerous than the “big” ones we all know to look out for. Simply because no one sees and we categorized things God doesn’t. Thanks for the challenge to double-check and beware of that pride!! Hugs, Michelle