[This is a guest post by my husband, Brad. And believe me, he does argue like a lawyer! And a note: we are on the go for a few days around here, so please understand if I’m not replying to comments. Thanks!]
Michelle and I have very different methods of debate/argument. Hers is fairly normal. Mine — if you’ve seen Star Trek — can be characterized as Vulcan-esque.
Early in our relationship, after Michelle and I had our first argument, she stated that I argued like a lawyer. Having grown up in a family of lawyers, I was flattered by this comment. Marshalling evidence and seeking precedents in support of a well-organized case: what could be a better approach to a conflict?
She had not intended to flatter.
There are times, especially in the cultivation of relationships, when simple, legalistic thinking inhibits transformation. In Matthew Chapter 5, Jesus points out a number of ways in which people fail to meet the spirit of the Commandments, and then he provides a radical way of transforming our understanding of law:
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.” (Matthew 5: 38-42)
I can’t think of a more radical, liberating and terrifying part of the bible. Jesus doesn’t abolish the law in these statements. If anything, he gives us more rules (and tough ones, at that) to follow.
What has changed is the nature of the rules. Instead of “thou shalt not,” we get “thou shall.” Instead of being restrained by law, we are invited to be active participants in its redeeming potential, to go beyond it in the changing of lives.
Imagine that a mugger has stolen your watch and threatened you with violence. As he walks away, you say, “Excuse me, I also have forty dollars in my pocket. You seem, for whatever reason, to need it more than I do. It’s just paper, after all, and not as important as relationships.” I’m guessing that gesture would percolate in the mugger’s mind for a while.
One of the great enactors of this principal was Martin Luther King, Jr. In getting arrested for acts of non-violent protest, he essentially said, “You seem to want to imprison my spirit, intellect and opportunities. Here, take my body as well.”
The nation was so shamed by this morally superior approach to law that it passed civil rights legislation. The country transformed the law.
Questions for Reflection:
What opportunities do you currently have to “turn the other cheek”? How could that transform a relationship? Do you think of “law” as a positive word or a negative one?
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As a lawyer who has a love/hate relationship with her field, I find this fascinating! (I can also identify with the glee in being complemented on your arguing skills.) I agree that the “thou shall” rules are so much harder. I struggle with the way Jesus turned the rules around. It is so much easier to say, “Well, I’ve never committed murder or anything!” than, “I failed to acknowledge the homeless person on the street yesterday with the cup in his hand. He was asking, and I ignored. Complete and utter fail.” I’m glad I will enter the week thinking about this. Thank you.
Vulcanesque? That made me smile.
Law – a positive word or a negative one? Has to be positive for me, for my inability to keep it on my own leads me to His grace!
Welcome to our Monday fellowship, Mr. Spock. Loved your post! I especially loved this line: “..we are invited to be active participants in its redeeming potential, to go beyond it in the changing of lives.” Thanks for that reminder — that I am called to share His redemption with others by loving well.
Beautiful post! Loved that the nature of the rules has changed & that we have been invited to participate & experience the joy of lives being changed – both ours & others. Thank you for both reminding me & challenging me this morning.
Blessings,
Joanne
Love your viewpoint, Brad. Reminds me of my dad, who also argued like a lawyer. I didn’t always like it though. 🙂
Learning to put relationship above being “right” has been a journey for me. I haven’t arrived yet, but I trust Jesus to continue showing me the path. Turning that other cheek can be hard business. I know I’ll have a lot more opportunities to practice it in my future.
Hi Brad,
Thank you for your thoughtful post! In answer to one of your questions, I am turning the other cheek, for the incessant attacks on my website by hackers. I’m praying they will find Jesus, and I won’t allow their behaviour to bring me down, just see it as an opportunity for change.
Brad, I really like your example about the watch and the forty dollars. I’m going to have to think on that one…
This is great food for thought, Brad. I think I shall ‘munch away’ for a few days. I agree with all the commenters thus far. And it IS hard to agree to participate and experience the things Jesus says, as opposed to ‘keeping Laws’, or else! It leaves the decision and responsibility in our own hands. But you’ve really brought this home with the illustration of the watch-robber and Martin Luther King, Jr. He is a man I have always greatly admired. He certainly went more than the second mile when it came to the cause of civil rights, and helping his fellow man.
It seems I have regular ‘opportunity’ to “turn the other cheek”. To be honest, I sometimes wonder what to do about the constant ‘stinging’ in my face, but other times I just know it is the right thing to do. And it is a means to transforming relationships. Especially when it reveals Christ in us.
Societal laws are good–we need them–but as far as the ‘laws’ of the Pharisees and Sadducees–we can do without the ‘religious’ Thou-shalt-not’s.
I enjoyed the guest post, and see that Brad is a Spock fan. I’ve always been a Kirk fan — it seems like you are one or the other, unless you’re like my husband, who, shockingly, is NOT a Star Trek fan. I know, you need time to process that.
My post this week is #34, How Little Money Can You Live on? which is sort of a Spock/Kirk thing. Too many people hear a Spock method of saving money and decide to try it out on themselves and their family; but they’re Kirk people, and it just doesn’t work. Saving money, which is a lifestyle, involves finding out what methods realistically and sustainably work for us — otherwise, we won’t do them.
I had to chuckle at you taking as a complement your way of arguing, and I can see how she meant it.
Nice to see more men blogging these days!
Robert Moon
It’s all so upside-down and backwards, isn’t it? Or, perhaps I’m the one who looks at things upside-down, thinking they are right-side up. And isn’t that the point? Dr. King is such a great example of this, Brad. Recently, I reread his Letter from a Birmingham Jail. So much emotion there. I read his words, and realized he was being transformed, too.
Thanks for this insight, Brad. May the force be with you. Wait. That’s the wrong reference, right?
You being flattered and Michelle not intending to flatter made me smile. One of my sons used to marshall “evidence” and sought “precedents in support of a well-organized case” when he was a boy. He became a lawyer 🙂
It is such a treat to read an article by your husband, Michele. It is wonderful when our husbands are interested in our blogs. Hearing from a man’s perspective is so nice. Thanks for hosting this linkup (yesterday 🙂 )