I cleaned out my closest last weekend. I also cleaned out the boys’ closets, and I politely insisted that my husband clean out his, too. And I helped him. He might argue about my use of the word “help.” But I really do feel like I did him a great service, standing at the threshold of his closet, shaking my head as he held up one shirt after another. He drew the line at the 1981 Foghat concert t-shirt. That one went back into the closet, instead of into the bag bound for Goodwill. Maybe next time.
I like to organize closets. Nothing brings me more satisfaction than knowing I have sorted through every last purse, every last pair of jeans, every last of my husband’s golf shirts and discarded those I don’t wear, don’t fit or, as in the case of Brad’s golf shirts, are just plain ugly.
Last Saturday I felt liberated as I drove three trash bags full of discarded items over to the Goodwill and nine grocery bags of books (yes, nine – have I mentioned I am married to an English professor?) to donate to the library. It felt good to hand over so much stuff.
Until, that is, I was struck with the sudden urge to shop. No sooner had I unloaded the donated items from my mini-van when I immediately felt the overpowering desire to hit Target and replenish the “void.”
There seems to be a pattern here. I cull through my offensive amount of stuff and donate a bunch of it to charity, and then battle the urge to buy more.
Somehow my giving seems to entitle my getting.
I probably don’t need to tell you that this isn’t what God has in mind for us.
The truth is, God values relationship over riches, substance over more stuff – relationship with him, as well as with each other.
“Life is not measured by how much you own,” Jesus tells us (Luke 12:15-21).
Frankly, I don’t think God cares very much that I gave away three trash bags of clothes and nine bags of books last week. In fact, he might be wondering why in the world I’d acquired so much stuff I didn’t need or use in the first place.
No, I suspect God would prefer I spend my time not shopping to acquire more stuff I don’t need, but spending that time in relationship with him through my relationships with others.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t turn the mini-van toward the Target parking lot last Saturday. Instead, I drove straight home. And later that weekend I spent the entire afternoon sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of my neighbor’s living room, my shoes off, feet tucked into the cushion. We chatted about the weather, recipes and good reads – nothing particularly special or exciting.
But when I left her house and walked down the sidewalk toward my own home, I felt refreshed and fulfilled, relaxed and at peace – the kind of peace that will never come with the purchase of a brand-new purse.
What about you? Do you ever feel entitled to get just because you’ve given? What’s one thing you can give away this week (without buying something new to replace it!)?
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Oh wow, Michelle. Can I get you over here to clean out our closets?! And I’ll bet you that I beat Brad with books. Michael says that our basement is sinking from all m y boxes of books in the basement (not to mention that I have books in my bathroom, bedroom, study, hearth room, daughte’rs room (mostly her books now, though), and for heaven’s sake in our pantry. I kid you not! Most people’s pantries are filled with food, and mine is (mostly ) filled with food for thought! =] I do use a lot of my books as an author and journal facilitator for reference, but still, I need to purge them again. Author Anne Ortlund was one of my mentors (she’s 90 now), and she wrote a wonderful little book called Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman (still in print). She actually told us women that it is wicked to have crammed closets when we could share so much with others. I’m proud of you for not going to Target to buy stuff, but to invest your time in another person. Now that’s what I call being right on target! =] And another thought would be for us all to go to Target, but make purchases for others and give it all away. I love what you say here. I always do! Please tell Brad that he is one fortunate guy to be married to a great closet cleaner and critical thinker–and one just really sweet lady!
Love
Lynn
First of all, Lynn, I LOVE that your pantry is filled with books as well as food – you are a woman of my heart, friend!
And secondly, when I read the last part of your comment aloud to Brad, he said, “Who is this Lynn?!” Apparently he doesn’t agree with your assessment of his fortune! 😉
Oh, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to meet a kindred spirit. I guess authors really *do* get this about book stashes! Hmmm……well, please tell Brad that I am a Michelle fan and that you did not solicit my comments. Maybe he should write a blog, too, and then I could sing his praises! =]
Love you, Michelle!
Lynn
Lynn, I may take your advice and start my own blog. I want to become the Martha Stewart of hoarders and offer tips like “How to Conceal Your Old Concert Shirts in a Necessary Box of Painting Rags” or “How to Rent Storage Space under an Assumed Name.” Granted, it’s a niche market.
I should note that, despite my appalling decline in apparel, I am also a Michelle fan.
Best,
Brad
Oh Brad….. let me tell you……you should not have responded. First, you have gotten me laughing out loud and now responding when I am supposed to be holed up and practicing my Bach for tonight’s rehearsal. So I may not forgive you. On the other hand, now I have a scapegoat to blame when I sing wrong notes (which, undoubtedly, I will)! And another reason you should have remained silent is because now I really *am* going to sing your praises, along with how I praise Michelle. Your’e an excellent writer, and I love your dry humor. And remember the slogan: Niches are for riches. I’m sure that you have a rich store of anecdotes with which to amuse Michelle’s readers, and hopefully your own fans, which no doubt your clever prose will garner. I think that my husband Mike would like you. He’s a blue-jeans-and-sweashirts kind of guy, and the kind who will wear a baseball cap on Saturday errand-runs, because he’s not yet washed his hair. I was going to say that you both share admiration for your wives, but now that I’ve revealed his baseball-hat secret, he may decline his status as my best fan. All I can say, Brad, is: Martha Stewart, move over, and any fan of Moby Dick and Michelle DeRusha, is a friend of mine!
Blessings,
Lynn
You guys crack me up!
Dear Michelle
What I find very difficult to do is to give away without “keeping score” of how pleased God must be with my generosity. It is such an ingrained mind habit for I used to meassure His love and approval pretty much by how “good” I have been and how much I have given. It comes from deep insecurities I have grown up with. But it gets better as I learn to take every thought captive and ask Jesus to retrain my mind.
Blessings XX
Mia
Oh yeah, I hear you, Mia – I get out the old measuring stick and use it with God sometimes – bad habits are hard to break.
Your post made me smile…I especially liked that you linked the name of the band Foghart in your blog! That way, we readers, were able to get the complete picture of how great your husband’s t-shirt must be! lol Anyway, I loved your insight on giving versus getting. It does feel so good to clean out the closets and make everything “lighter”. But then, it takes a lot of will power to not fill up that space again quickly! I’m going to keep that in mind the next time I’m driving past Target…
Blessings, Joan
I should tell you, since Brad can’t actually fit into his old Foghat t-shirt, I decided to wear it a couple of days ago. I’m quite glad we kept it – it’s retro hip! 😉
The truth comes out!
I need to clean out my closest, my drawers, my life. This post was convicting (because I love Target….). 🙂
Love this, Michelle — we give away our excess baggage to God, and He gives us blessings in exchange. Thanks for the great post & for hosting & God bless!
Thank you for the encouragement to clean my closet. It is hard for me to do it but here I go.
Great post! There were so many thoughts prompted as I read this but I think this is the one that I will share. It is so true that when we give away, we think we are entitled to more. But here is what hit me…..usually what I give away is what I don’t like any longer, doesn’t fit, or is outdated. In other words, I give away what I don’t want any longer. So why do I then think I have done good? Seriously. Today I am convicted that I should be giving away what will truly bless others. My best. Maybe after we clean, a trip is warranted to Target – to buy something brand new to give to someone. Thanks for provoking my giving today 🙂
Yes, yes, exactly, Joanne – that’s what my pastor emphasized in his sermon. That our donations are actually our left-overs, our discards. I like the way you put that, J – that we should give our best. I like the idea of buying something brand-new, even, dare I suggest, something we ourselves covet, and then immediately giving it away to someone in need.
Yep, I just did this recently, except my store was Tuesday morning. I’m not sure if its a good thing that all the salespeople know me by name. I’m hoping that says more about evangelism than my shopping habits. Probably not, but I can hope right? I’ve started taking our unwanted clothes to consignment shops and I’m giving the money to my teenage daughter for gas. Never thought I’d say that.
I hate to shop so that’s not the kind of “getting” I go for, but there are plenty of other kinds. Like “getting” a dessert I don’t need or more “me” time–as if I now deserve them because I had been giving to others. So yes, I struggle with this too. It’s hard to eliminate that tit-for-tat nature in us…. I too easily forget that I’m constantly getting from God already, far more than I could ever give.
The phrase “I deserve” is prominent part of my mindset and my vocabulary.
i sent chris with bags to goodwill last week. i didn’t even LEAVE the house so i wouldn’t shop:) you know what has helped me the very most to change my attitude about wanting things? giving up catalogs. i used to memorize them and wish and wish and buy and buy. i throw them in the recycle bin immediately now. my heart has moved closer to contentment….
I totally stopped reading catalogs after I had a Pottery Barn melt-down moment – they come in the door and immediately into the recycling container now!
We will be moving into a new to us house in a couple of weeks and I am panicked about how much stuff there is to do. I have already made several trips to Goodwill, but it feels like I haven’t even made a dent. I would love someone like you to come help me cull and organize all our stuff.
I would if I could, Sidney! Good luck culling!
Been there, done that. Dropped off at Goodwill and drove back around the front, parked, went in and “shopped” for new stuff. I just like looking for old items. You never know what you will find.
I live on a farm where we have beef cattle and every year we have a steer killed for our meat. We always get a lot of ground beef. Way more than the two of us can use so we give it to the local Home Safe Center. They provide a home for battered and abused women and children that are trying to get on their feet from, sometimes years of abuse. The center never knows when they will have anyone there but it’s nice to know that we can provide meat for them so they will have food to eat. This is just one of the things we do through the year that we never talk about or ask for anything in return. Know we can help in just a small way is our way of saying thank you Lord for giving us the ability to provide.
Love that you do this, Kathleen.
It must have been closet cleaning week. I’ve lost a bit of weight this year so I tried every garment I had on. Took a lot of time! But the end result was that everything in my closet is loved and fits. I, too, felt the call of “more.” I”ve been working on it all year as my one word(s) are less and more. It’s been a learning year as I stopped using the word “need” for my “wants.”
Good words, Pamela. And yay you for losing the weight – way to go, girl! {I would definitely use that as an excuse to buy more – I so admire your restrain!}
You’ve made me want to clean out my closets, too! My problem with giving clothes away, though, is I wear them until they wear out and are no longer good for anyone. 🙁 But, books? Oh, yes, I could probably donate some of my many tomes.
Oh, and tell your English professor husband that I was an English major in college. 🙂
Blessings, and happy Monday!
I didn’t admit in this post that I was an English major, too, Martha – so a whole lot of those books were mine!
So … I don’t necessarily struggle with shopping after clearing my physical space … that’s not where my sense of entitlement shows up … It shows up instead after the deep internal clearing work that I do almost weekly … it can look like turning on the TV because I deserve to … or going on my GF chocolate creamy twinky like thing hunt on the way home. That btw, costs far more than it is worth in every possible way and very often I change my mind once I find it. It is ironic the way I want to fill the hole created in the process of becoming whole with something that cannot possibly fill me.
As I mentioned above, “I deserve” is a major part of my mentality and vocabulary. So yeah, I get what you’re saying, Deborah!
Hey Brad! FOGHAT rules!!! Hang on to that tee shirt for the Smithsonian.
I have a husband like you–lives his life in jeans and tee shirts. And ball hats. When I sort his bureau drawers, I have to lay the tees out on the bed and gain his approval on each one, as to whether he can part with it or not. It’s a longer process than it has to be, God love him.
And Michelle, I concur on the freedom found in purging. I don’t immediately go shopping for more. My problem is, it inevitably happens directly after a purge, that someone wants to give me some of their old stuff! I find I have to just shut my eyes and start filling big green bags. But I do like giving to the Salvation Army for others who may need what I certainly do not need.
This a great post Michelle. I’ve also been feeling the pull to clear out mostly out of necessity. I have way too much stuff. In preparing to move next month I’ve been going through my things trying to sort out what to sell or give away and what to keep. Right now, I’m going for just keeping the bare basics. I live in my Grandmother’s home and have all of the beautiful things she’s collected through her life in addition to my own. Lots of stuff. Well, two Sundays ago a good friend picked me up from church, took me to her home, made me a great dinner. I needed it because I was so ill with an inner ear infection that I shouldn’t have been at church in the first place. Her kindness and her hospitality so moved me that I gave her a set of Italian-made crystal glasses which were my Grandmother’s. I loved them but I had not used in the almost 10 years I’ve been in the house. I was happy to give them to her because I knew she would use them to bless someone else like she had blessed me and I was happy to know they went to a ‘good home.’ I’m digging in, planning on doing the same with some of my other stuff. It makes it easier to let it go of those precious pieces when I know they’ll be used and not end up as someone else’s ‘stuff.’
I loved your post!! I am forever clearing out my closet. It just accumulates everything someone doesn’t want!! I had a good laugh over your temptation to go shopping after dropping everything off at Goodwill.
Some think that hoarding is a sign of richness. But I have seen the most hoarding among the poor. Whatever they accumulate, they keep becuase they are afraid they’ll never capture it again.
I’ve been poor and constantly have to fight that pull to hold on to stuff. I have a couple of high school t-shirts that would never ever fit me. I keep them for memory purposes, but my wife or children would simply call them trash if I were to die.
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