Brad and I went on a date this week…to the new Whole Foods store that recently opened in Lincoln. This is what we do. We like food. We are foodie people.
We grabbed a green basket and rambled up and down the aisles, marveling over the five varieties of quinoa and the create-your-own sixpack of microbrew beers. We snagged toothpicks of cheddar cheese and organic brownie bites from the free samples. I took pictures of the olive bar and the dessert display. We eyed the meat case and debated the difference between proscuitto and pancetta. It was, all in all, a lovely date.
But there’s a reason why Whole Foods is a date place and not a weekly thing. The truth is, Whole Food just isn’t me. It’s a little too fancy, a little too perfect. Frankly,Whole Foods is too much pressure for me.
For example, I now know that disposing your lunch trash in the Whole Foods cafe requires an advanced degree in Waste Management.
I eyed the trash barrels and recycling containers lining the wall like guards outside Buckingham Palace. Should the sandwich wrapper go into the recyclable paper waste barrel or into the “landfill barrel?” On the one hand, the wrapper had melted cheese smeared on it, which seemed to qualify it for the “landfill” category. On the other hand, it was made of paper, so perhaps that made it worthy of the recyclable paper barrel? Same with the napkin. I used it to wipe my mouth, so landfill barrel, right? But it, too, was made of paper…so maybe the recyclable paper barrel was the proper place for it? I went through this process for each and every piece of trash. Clearly I needed a guided audio tour, or at the very least a diagram with lots of arrows and bullet points.
And then there was the Great Mango Smoothie Debate. Brad and I stood in front of the refrigerated case for several minutes, deciding whether to purchase the bottle of Mango Smoothie or not. We knew the boys would love it…but it was $8.99. I mean, $9 for a bottle of juice? That’s more than I spend on my wine.
And then what would happen when, inevitably, Rowan left a quarter-inch of Mango Smoothie in the bottom of his breakfast glass? Would I not call him back to the table to lick up every last $9 remnant of it? Would I not possibly consider handing him a Q-Tip to glide around the bottom of the glass to ensure every atom of smoothie was ingested? I saw the scene unfold in my mind, clear as day – me with my hands on my hips, yelling like a lunatic about my ingrate children and $9 juice.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Whole Foods. I will surely grace Whole Foods with my presence again. But I have to be honest about my limits. If Mango Smoothie has the power to transform me into a raving lunatic mother before 8 a.m., I know I’m in over my head.
A little date, a little comic relief, a cute little post w/ a deeper meaning to boot. Loved it, Michelle, and I love WF. I’ll keep going, but I’ve never eaten there. So maybe that’s a good thing for my myopic, single-focused, one-tracked mind!
Love you and your date!
Lynn
I had similar thoughts when I went there. Drooled over the olive bar and the other amazing smells coming from the food bar, bought a large jar of olive oil to see if it’s as good as the one I usually get for the same price (not bad, by the way), found a natural sponge to try and in general did a lot of debating over items wondering if it’s worth the price.
But the main thing I thought was – perfect date to eat yummy food.
I can SO relate! I haven’t taken the time to visit the Lincoln Whole Foods yet–I mean, it’s a whole ten minutes away, in a direction I seldom go. But I’ve been to the Omaha WF and one in Florida because I was visiting someone who lived there. And yes, I took pictures too–it was so beautiful! But I felt overwhelmed with delicious but expensive decisions. Fortunately I didn’t actually eat anything there, so I didn’t have to make any decisions about recycling my trash!
I was so impatient for Whole Foods to open! It could not get here fast enough for me. And then, once it was here? Meh. I will surely be back, but it won’t be my go-to hangout. Not for food. For date night? Oh, yes. Absolutely!
Kinda like dancing in the aisles at Trader Joes!
I haven’t visited WF before. Thanks for the heads-up. I assure you I will not be buying $9 smoothies.
Okay. This was HEEElarious
Mango smoothies and q tips! HA!
This is exactly why we are friends. I have become a raving lunatic over my son’s smoothie ingestion (or lack thereof) due to excessive over-pricing of said smoothie. Seriously, there have to be better ways to spend my time. And my money.
Juice that costs more than your wine, I love that!
It might interest you to know that the original Whole Foods in Austin, back in the ’70s, was not like this. It was a hole in the wall. The only people you knew in the entire city with piercings and tattoos were the people who worked at that Whole Foods, and they were real honest-to-God hippies. The bulletin board had ads for all sorts of quasi-religious things you’d never heard of and others that you didn’t know were supposed to be religious. It was not pretentious. It was actually a little scary. We went once a month or so to buy granola, when it couldn’t be found in regular grocery stores. (Ask Kristin. She’ll back me up on this.)
That’s really interesting, Megan – didn’t know the history of Whole Foods. We have an independent organic food store in town that sounds a lot like what you are describing.
We have had date lunches at Costco, I know where you are coming from!!! (lol)
But you are right, for that price the juice better do more for me than hydrate! ( that is about half the price of a pedicure – and it lasts for about a month!) I will go to these places again, because they do have the things that I love to splurge on, (I love the Georgia Pecan Coffee) and who can admire my pedi in this weather anyway?
I totally agree with you. I shop at these places sometimes. Not often. Usually for a special item. They are high in price and most of the time if I search out the items I am looking for, my local ‘store’ has them in organic variety too. SO it is a treat to walk the aisles but I find myself comparing and that is not terribly relaxing.
Yeah, the comparison part isn’t exactly relaxing, true Sharon. The poking around at unique foods and ingredients is fun though – I’m glad we have one in town now, especially for those harder to find items.
You really had me laughing here, especially about properly disposing of your waste at Whole Foods and the $9 bottle of juice. I enjoy going to our local Whole Foods once in a while, but, like you, I tend to get overwhelmed with the choices and the prices. We jokingly call the store “Whole Paycheck.” 🙂
Blessings, Michelle!
This cracked me up – I feel the same way about how to dispose of things there! It is seriously intimidating.
I love this post! We recently moved to Portland Oregon (which I also really like) and I feel as if every trash disposal is a multiple choice test and I am failing. I appreciate the eco emphasis but it’s intense.
Ok, that made me laugh out loud: “Every trash disposal is a multiple choice test and I am failing.” I know what you mean. I appreciate the point of recycling, I do — I recycle in my own home — but sometimes it’s just too much!
Thanks for stopping by today!
Love this! (especially the needing a degree in Waste Management to dispose of garbage) Imagine the pressure I experience any time I walk in the door of the Whole Foods mothership here in Austin!
Thanks, Michelle, for making me smile this Friday afternoon!
The first time I went to Whole Foods, I left with such a headache from looking up and down the aisles at all the unfamiliar product labels. Now, I have progressed and can shop there from time to time without having to take 2 Advil.
On our last trip there, we were hunting for a gluten free dessert to take as our offering for dinner at a friend’s house. He has Celiac disease.
While my hubby looked up and down the aisles in the bakery area, I decided that my time would best be spent standing in the very long line for a smoothie.
Bruce considered the smoothie his reward for surviving the crowded store (but I didn’t tell him how much I paid for it…) 🙂
Oh my gosh- I so love it when my most favorite writers go rouge and write from their hip!!!!!!!!!! Woman- thou are loosed to write like this again! I love me some Whole Foods too, but I feel like I’m doing it wrong every time I visit. You make me smile tonight!
Michelle, you got my day off to a great start! And I can relate to the “Q tip” comment about getting the most value out of a splurge. Not sure if I laughed more about the recycling dilemma or trying to imagine you “yelling like a lunatic.” Have a great weekend with those boys!
You brought joy to my dateless Saturday night. mmm, maybe my cheap wine is tasting a little better now too. And I identified with date night. You are much more upscale than my dates with my hubby to Meijers.