“I think I’m in a not-believing-in-God stage,” he declares, holding his fork high in the air over his dinner plate like Lady Liberty’s torch.
It’s an ordinary dinner hour.
The four of us sit around the dining room table, plates of mashed potatoes and meatloaf set before us on the polished oak.
The kid’s trying hard to sound nonchalant, but as I peer around the vase and meet his wide, unblinking eyes across the table, I can tell my son is afraid.
I lay my own fork down next to my plate.
I’m not sure I’m breathing.
The truth is, a declaration like this can stop you dead in your tracks, fork frozen mid-air…
…What I really want to do is jump up and down and shout, “I’m at Ann Voskamp’s place, I’m at Ann Voskamp’s place! ” but I will try to maintain a shred of dignity and simply invite you over to Ann Voskamp’s blog to read a guest post I am delighted to have over there today. Thanks, friends…
Yay! Congrats for the visit to Ann’s! How lovely for her to extend the invitation, and even lovelier for you to accept, b/c I love reading whatever you have to say! I love (I say that a lot where you are concerned!)…. I love how you have encouaged your son to know the Lord, and also to leave room enough for him to express his questions and even doubts. I will never forget when I was a bit older than he (maybe around sixteen or so and going through personal self-doubt and angst), and I declared to my mother, within earshot of my grandmother, who lived with us, that I didn’t think I believed in God (or something to that effect). I was looking for proof, and Mother didn’t know how to *prove* God (just one look at her precious and loving life would have been proof enough), but I wanted some hard, cold facts. Mother simply didn’t know what to say. But Grandma, God love her, did. “Well, Fern, it looks as if you have failed. Lynn doesn’t believe.” Of course, neither Mother nor I felt better after hearing Grandma’s comment, and neither of us had a satisfactory explanation for my doubt. I loved Grandma dearly, and loved having her live with us (that is another story)…..but I wish she had understood that I needed a place to wrestle. Now that I am a Christian, I realize that God permits and even welcomes wrestling as a way to draw us into personal contact and intimacy with Him. We may go away limping, but we know we have been touched by God. Michelle, you are wonderful to have rolled out the wrestling mat for your son. He is doing just what he needs to do, and so are you . . . and so is Ann for welcoming you both!
Love
Lynn
Oh Lynn, that is a good story. Unfortunately I can relate pretty well to your grandmother’s approach – much of my family held a “no questions policy” when it came to faith and belief when I was growing up. So I simply repressed my questions – not exactly the best approach, come to find out!
I’m grateful to Ann for posting this story at her place – I’ve already received a couple of emails/messages from readers saying they are in the same place. It’s good, at the very least, to talk about these fears and to know we are not alone on the journey.
Thank you, as always Lynn, for your support and encouragement. I love you too!
Thanks so much, Michelle….and yes, *questions*! That’s it! We need to feel free to ask questions, even if not all are ans’d. Think of all the great questions (of doubt) in the Bible. Maybe you could write a book about the questions people need to feel free to ask. =]
My 9 yr old declared her unbelief recently. A surge of fear pulsed through my veins. The timeliness of your article is heaven sent. Thank you and God Bless!
Michelle, I wish posts like this didn’t have to be written, but God gave us all free will, so we get to decide to choose Him or not. Your post resonated with me because I wish I had had to wrestle with this when my son was younger and we could have many conversations about it. Instead, my 20- yr old declared he isn’t sure God is trustworthy this summer after his first year at a Christian college. He is our only, and so we are wondering where we went off the rails in how we transferred faith to him.
Truth is, his faith, when he fully understands and embraces it as it will be unique between him and his Creator, will be stronger because he has processed his doubts. I too am choosing to hold onto faith for him and believe the promises of my Savior to be faithful to complete the work He began when he was in kindergarten. It’s like throwing good dirt in a dark hole and hoping the seed down there will be nurtured even though I see nothing but darkness.
Again, thanks for sharing so honestly.
Congratulations on sharing space with Ann…how fun is that?!
Oh how I wish I had understood that questioning and wrestling with God was/is okay when my kids were younger. My eldest is now in her late 20’s it is a lot scarier to hear, “I don’t believe that.” In fact, hearing that sends me into my own wrestling match with the Creator. Do I *really, truly* believe that God’s got her? That He sees her, works on her heart and makes ALL things work together for good? It is a lesson in both faith and patience.
I want to thank you for this because as I was reading it, I was reminded of the vows my husband and I took when dedicating her to the Lord as a baby. I’ll keep believing, keep praying and remain faithful, just as God does. <3
Love this. Needed this. Claiming this. I too, am walking through this, except my son is 23. What’s inside the parentheses in your title say it all… God Bless!
Michelle, what a blessing your post was to me today! The title practically lept off my email at my and I could hardly wait to dive in. I too have a 9 year old who is wrestling with these doubts. It is something I don’t think we can fully prepare ourselves for, because as you so eloquently pointed out, we don’t think we should have to if we “do everything right.” You gave me such a gift tonight, though, and that is the unburdening of the guilt that I have done something wrong. By sharing your story, you have given so many of us a reminder that our good Father in Heaven loves our precious children more than we do and that his efforts to make Himself known to them will never cease. The Lord brought me to 2 Samuel 14:14 last night and I think it fits perfect with your message. God bless!
You have certainly touched my own nerves with this one, Michelle. I thought I did “everything right,” too, in raising my children, but not sure they are committed believers. I, too, blame my own wrestling match with my own doubts for their present insecurities. Your reassurance that God holds the big picture in His faithful hands was, for me, a sigh of relief. I will simply continue to pray . . .
Love and blessings!
Thank you so much for this. I am struggling with a 16 year old who has first declared Atheism and now Agnosticism – “I believe in God, I just don’t care right now.” I felt like someone tore my heart out the minute I heard her denounce her faith. After the initial shock, and may I say, Michelle, I think you handled that far better than I, I am letting go. I think this is the place where God has said to me, “You need to know, believe, and feel that you are not in control. You try so hard to be in control and this is one place you have to let me in. Let me be enough.” I am not pushy when it comes to faith and I flailed for years – not in a state of doubt, but maybe in the same respect as her, I didn’t care, or just ignored faith, so I get that I need to let her go and let her wrestle with this and in His time. It is hard to watch unbelief in someone you love so desperately. Thank you again for sharing with Ann. I may not have seen this otherwise – then again, maybe I would have; God has a way. I will hold tightly to the words at the end of your post; the reiteration of those baptismal promises. They bring me much comfort. Blessings.
Thank you so much for sharing this as I have felt so alone in a similar story. My eleven year old declares weekly as we drive to and from church and faith formation classes that he doesn’t believe and why do I make him go every week. I calmly tell him that there are always things to learn about faith and we can explore questions and answers together, until he gets disrespectful. I have tried to find things we can agree on, like heaven, and try to branch out from there. I want his faith to be his choice and not forced upon him. I continue to pray that God has a plan for this passionate, creative, strong willed child.