I’ve been thinking a lot about obedience lately. In the conclusion to 50 Women Every Christian Should Know
Sounds like I have obedience all figured out, doesn’t it?
Oh yeah, I do. On paper.
As it turns out, obedience is a cinch to write about, but awfully hard to live out in real life.
I am walking through an uncertain period right now. Several publishers have turned down my current book proposal, my agent is asking me hard questions about what I want to do next, and I don’t have any clear answers. It feels a little wildernessy, and I’ll be honest: I don’t like the wilderness one bit.
And so I’ve been doing what I always do in the face of uncertainty and doubt. I’m racing ahead of God, bent on figuring everything out myself.
For the last two months or so I’ve concocted a number of plans and expectations of how I think all the pieces of my fragmented career will fall into place. When the tide seems to move in a certain direction, I run with it, confident that I know God’s plans for me.
“Aha!” I declare. “THIS is what God’s going to do. THIS is how it’s all going to work out!” Until, that is, it doesn’t work out that way at all. And then I find myself back at square one – still with no publisher, a lot of questions and no direction…in addition to being frustrated with and disappointed in God.
I cycled through this process of planning, expectations, hope and disappointment three times in the last two months before I realized something important:
God hasn’t failed me, and he hasn’t led me down these dead-end paths, because God isn’t the one who created any of these plans in the first place.
I did. I put my faith, hope and confidence in Plans A, B and C – plans of my own making – instead of in God himself.
When I recently read these two verses from Psalm 95 aloud to Brad, he said this in response: “Obedience has to begin with a position of humility.”
The more I thought about it, the more I realized Brad is right. Obedience starts with humility – with our honest acknowledgement that God is sovereign and that he alone is in control. God is the shepherd – the leader – and we are the people he watches over, the flock of sheep who follow under his care.
As my friend Shelly, who recently walked through her own wilderness, says: “Having a Plan A or a Plan B isn’t at all what God wants. He wants us to trust him with all the uncertainty and to put our hope in him, not in our best-case scenario.”
Obedience begins with humility, with kneeling before the God who “holds in his hands the depths of the earth and the mightiest mountain,” the seas and the dry lands. (Psalm 95: 4-5).
Let us kneel before the Lord our maker. Let us hand over our plans and all of our self-created best-case scenarios to him.
I know this has been so hard, Michelle, and I understand it, more than you might think. The wilderness and I are old friends, and I entered in after writing a book (what I called my passion book after a ten-year wait for publication). It made no earthly sense to me…. so I get it. And I think there are expectations everywhere….from publishers and agents and conventional wisdom, from plans A to Z. But when I read your title and then your post that you wrote on your knees in a posture of humility, I realized that no, God may not be IN your plan, but I think He IS your plan. You are seeking HIM, and because of that, I know all else will fall into place, in His time and way and with His blessing. He has brought you into the wilderness not to take away your plans, your calling, or your gift (your writing), but to give you Himself. Oh HIMSELF!!! He will lead you to HIS plan. He will speak tenderly to you. He will give you back your fruitful vineyards of writing. And He will make your valley of “trouble” a DOOR OF HOPE. And being in a position of humility is being in a position of hope, because then only *He* can fulfill your expectations. You don’t have to! I’m excited by what He has already revealed to you. Yes, you have this right; Your hope is in HIM! Not minimzing your angst, but rejoicing in your realization and praying for your future!!! It will be a good, blessed, and fruitful one.
Muchlove,
Lynn
Wise words here my friend. For the record, I think Brad is a wise man! Thank you for sharing so honestly in this space….it gives me hope.
Michelle, I know how you feel. I am a planner and I continue to plan my life but after three years of retirement I am more confused then when I was working. I have a desire to write yet when I do I am not satisfied where I am even going in my writing. I am a goal person yet as I write there is no goal. What am I supposed to write about God? What do you want me to share with the world?
My mother came to live with my husband and I just as I retired. What are we to do with each other? We both have different goals in life yet God wants us to be together. How do we respect each other when we are so different? What can we learn from each other? Only God knows at this point. I hope he shares with us soon. I try to be quiet and sit and listen. I hear nothing. Am I trying to hard?
I pray for you Michelle that clarity will come your way and that you and I and other women move ourselves out of the way so God can share with us His big plans for each one of us. Blessings, Nancy
Thank you for this post. Such a good reminder for me – just what i needed today!
Yes, we all end up in the waiting room, and I think it’s even worse when we are waiting for something to happen in one of our children’s lives — college admission, audition results, and worst of all, medical tests. We want the happy ending to come, but there’s so much story to be lived first. Thank you for bringing us into the middle of your chapters of living.
I just so appreciate how you honestly share your heart, Michelle. I can’t seem to form words lately to express where I’m at, but your post does speak to me on why God may have chosen the word SELFLESS for me this year. Trusting Him with all the uncertainty I feel lately. It’s a strange place to find myself when I am over the moon grateful for having my husband home again. But I know returning to where we left off wasn’t what God wanted. Just not sure what that new normal is to look like yet. Still navigating. Trusting in Him. Blessings to you.
The best-laid plans of mice and men…and women! Why is it that we always seem to think that we can run our lives better than God can? I have thought of this often when I babysit my son’s beagle. We go for walks on a retractable leash. He so often runs ahead, lags behind, or follows his nose into the bushes. We’re no different. I’m just glad that God holds tightly to the other end of the leash.
Humility is the beginning – yes. And it is perhaps the hardest lesson to learn of all. Might we just follow Jesus’ example. I’m sure the Cross wasn’t His Plan A…but He humbly obeyed the Father.
Thanks for your post Michelle I can so relate! After being unemployed for 8 months and at the end of my unemployment insurance… I wonder what’s next for me. I try to rest in the assurance of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” but it’s difficult to quiet the worry…
We are in the same page Rochelle..Please tell me how you’re doing now.How did God move in your waiting process? Blessings!
It does begin with humility and obedience, knowing God’s plans are best, listening for His answers and not making plans without His involvement first.
Blessings, Michelle!
I read this from my warm spot in bed this morning on my phone and when I got to my name, I chuckled and woke H up. It’s kind of fun to bump into something you wrote and forgot about until you see it in quotes. Thanks for the mention Michelle. And you already know that I’m in your corner, praying, believing in you and loving you all the way.
Ah, sweetie. This sucks. Yes, I really said that. And I’m so sorry. And I’m grateful for what you’re learning and how vulnerably you’re sharing about it. Still. I’d rather you didn’t have to learn it quite so tenderly, you know? Praying for peace and hope and a clear sense of where God is heading, where you need to put your feet next. Love you.
I think I only began to be obedient when I ran out of best-case scenarios.
You have tackled a very difficult subject and one we all need to spend time with. Maybe a new writing topic? Anyway your post reminded me of when we were in Israel last Oct and drove through the Judean wilderness where Jesus spent 40 days. I was amazed on how huge it was and how desolate it was. Much more than expected and would have been frightening to me to be there. probably the emotions we experience when we are there spiritually too. will keep you in my prayers, dear friend.