I recently saw a “New Yorker” cartoon that depicted God speaking to a frowning angel as they gazed down at planet Earth. The caption read: “I’m starting to prefer the ones who don’t believe in me.” I laughed when I read that, but it also hit a nerve.
Last summer I struck up a conversation with a middle-aged woman on a flight from Denver to San Francisco. We engaged in the kind of small talk two strangers sitting side-by-side on a three-hour flight do. She told me she was headed out to visit her son and his partner. I volunteered that my family and I were spending ten days traveling up the coast from San Francisco to Portland.
Our conversation rolled along amicably. I asked what she did for a living – she was a physician – and she asked what I did. When I told her I was a writer, she asked what I wrote. “Non-fiction and memoir,” I answered. “I mainly write about faith from a Christian perspective.”
My seatmate didn’t respond. Instead, she opened the book she’d been holding in her lap and began to read.
At first I thought maybe she hadn’t heard me. But then I realized the awful truth. By identifying myself as a Christian writer I had shut down the conversation. She didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the flight.
…I’m at Huffington Post, writing about a terribly uncomfortable experience … one that taught me about the importance of radical hospitality and love…
[A much shorter version of this post first ran last month in the Lincoln Journal Star]
Hi Michelle…
I would like to respond to ‘Cara’s’ comment over on ‘Huffington’, but am not on FB. What she said about trying to find a different name for herself as a Christian? When I left my church, I felt the same way. That word, “Christian”, gets a load of bad press these days. And it’s mainly because of what you cite, Michelle. Our judgmentalism. So, as you’ve heard me say before, I often refer to myself as “A Recovering Pharisee”. I also use the word “Disciple”, or here’s a new one: “Student of The Master”.
I think we commentors need to stick to the real issue of your excellent post today. Rather than get up-in-arms over “That Gay Issue”, we need to focus on our judgmentalism. ‘Cuz we judge on just about everything. You brought the focus in when you wrote, “Love the Lord. Love your neighbour.” I also detest the statement heard Church-wide, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Seeing as we have trouble separating the two, it does end up masquerading our judgments, or so we like to think.
I like your statement, “We need to refuse to allow a minority of loud, judgmental voices to DEFINE who we are, and instead speak for ourselves, not necessarily with words…” We seem to have trouble thinking for ourselves in The Church. We dare not raise our voice in disagreement, lest WE be judged, eh? I mean, I have a struggle under my own roof here, as my husband & I hold differing views on certain things. Yes, we know what God says in His Word about hundreds of issues. But foremost, is the command you stated. Love Him. Love others. All of life is wrapped-up in those words. And may I add the belief: Let God work out everything else. After all, He is God, we are not. Love never fails. So let us love unreservedly. Let us love sincerely. No agenda on our part. Yes, the world needs Truth, but when it’s given with judgmental attitude, it’s null & void, is it not?
Thanks Michelle. jillie
Love what you say, “Let God work out everything else, after all He is God and we are not.
AMEN!!!
Michelle,
An excellent article. Even though I too tell the truth when asked what I write, sometimes the reaction is interesting. But I can’t let that stop me – a conversation can happen when I say what I do. And that can lead to opening Jesus to the person – one step at a time.
Yes – we have to do more than tolerate – or judge – we need to love unconditionally.
Blessings,
Janis
Many years ago my niece announced that she was gay. I was so deeply hurt by how the church responded, some telling her she couldn’t go to heaven, that she needed to repent, to seek healing. My heart broke for her and for God. She responded by becoming angry and overtly “gay” – purposefully to hurt others and make them uncomfortable. Her anger pushed her from relationship to relationship… all because she didn’t know how to handle the rejection and judgment of the church. She is older now, settled, she knows who she is…she doesn’t have to pretend anymore. She has been in a relationship with the same woman now for 10 years, she is a successful business woman and one of the kindest, most compassionate and non-judgmental women I know. And. She. loves.God. with all her heart. She has forgiven others. I remember back then, me, and how confused I was at the church. If God is LOVE, and I am to be an imitator of Christ, if I am to be like God…. how could we hate “the sin.” I have always felt it is my job to love, and to leave the rest to God. That love has brought me into prisons, loving people who did horrific crimes and just being their friend, remembering their birthdays, encouraging them, listening to them… This is how I think we should be… LOVING. beyond our comfort zones.
Thanks for sharing your story and your niece’s story, Suzy. My heart breaks for how hurt she was by the Church and others. But I’m glad she had found her way into peace, joy and self-acceptance. She is blessed to have you for an aunt.