Well, yes, I realize Weekend One Word is actually two words this time. Sometimes it can’t be helped, right?
I heard this verse in church last week, and it was one of those knock-me-flat moments. I’ve read these words countless times before, but for some reason, they leapt off the page of the bulletin, grabbed me by the metaphorical throat, and would not let go. That ever happen to you?
I think I’ve repeated this verse — particularly the “Give up your own way” part — to myself at least two or three times every day since I heard it. I simply can’t get it out of my head. I find myself arguing with God. “Come on…you know that’s impossible, right? Give up my own way entirely? You know me, God…it’s not going to happen.”
And so on and so forth.
I have moments when I really, truly do give up my own way, when I surrender wholly to God, trusting him with my life in its entirety. But the moments don’t last. I wind up struggling for control again, pushing, striving, forcing. Dropping my nets and taking two steps forward, only to run back and snatch them up again.
It’s exhausting. And disheartening.
Truth be told, I don’t have a big revelation for you here today (do I ever?). I’m just trying to be real, to put it all on the page and admit that this Christ-centered life I desire is hard. When it comes right down to it, I don’t really know how to do it, to be all-in with God and for God.
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe there isn’t a “how.” Maybe there’s not a ten-step action plan (Triple Type A me really, really wants an action plan). Maybe there’s not a “how” at all… only a Who, beckoning us, inviting us in, asking that we lean, rest, abide, remain.
Maybe “giving up” our “own way” isn’t an action so much as a stance, a way of being. Maybe we must be before we can do.
I can relate so completely to this. Something can hit me across the face and call me to repentance, yet I so easily slip back into old routines of yanking back control or letting my days carry me along instead of abiding in God’s presence. The beauty is in the “being”, but though it sounds almost passive, it is such an active mindset. Thank you for your encouragement!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one, Nathana – thanks for letting me know. 🙂
Michelle…Believe me. There are times when your words ARE a ”revelation” to me. Like here: ”Maybe there’s not a ”how” at all..only a Who, beckoning us, inviting us in, asking that we lean, rest, abide, remain.”
Being myself, I often act like a spoiled brat when I don’t get what I want. Latest illustration: Wanting my husband to call his Mother as she lies in a hospital bed, 90 years old, with pneumonia. Seems I’m always trying to bring him closer to her and others in his family. Then I am reminded I cannot ”make” anyone do what they don’t want to do. My husband WILL call his Mother, but only when he’s ready & willing to do it. Not when I plead with him, laying hints of guilt on the guy. Nor when I sit silent all evening, stewing about it. FINALLY, when I say ”Lord, I’m doing it again. I’m sorry for trying to control this”, only then do I feel the release. I am not the boss of my husband or anyone else for that matter. It’s perhaps one small example, but it’s often a big issue for me in my personal behaviour. It’s so hard to raise hands and offer up surrender, but it IS the only way to live free. Why do we kick so hard against Him?
And Michelle? Just want you to know you are still one of the most refreshingly honest & practical voices out there. And you’re funny. I hold firmly to the belief that ”laughter is key” in life.
Thanks for your honest story about your desire to control your husband (um, yeah, can I relate to that? I think so!), Jillie – I appreciate that so much. AND I appreciate your kind words and your encouragement. Sometimes I think, “What in the world?!? Am I STILL asking these same questions?” so it helps to know that even in the questions, there are sometimes answers…for myself, and for others too. And yeah, I agree – laughter critical – laughter keeps us afloat. Thanks, Jillie – you are a gem!
You wrote that what you shared may not be a big revelation. I have been reading your blog for a few years, not because I am looking for revelations but because your writing makes me pause and say “Aha”….”Aha, I was right….I am veering away from the all important basics.”
So, thank you.
Thomas Merton prayed that he didn’t know if he ever actually did what God desired, but hopefully God desired what he attempted to do in His name. I love that passage. We are all in that place, “I believe that my desire to please you, does in fact please You. I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.” There is more to it of course, but I believe that as we learn to walk closer to God daily we are more inclined to do things the way God desires, that is how doing things humbly are accomplished. It was a great message Michelle, you are correct in thinking that we can’t know how to do it, the point is that the more we grow in the Lord the more we know more than we think we do.
“Maybe there’s not a “how” at all… only a Who, beckoning us, inviting us in, asking that we lean, rest, abide, remain.”
“Abide”was my word for the year one year. Yeah, it should be my word for life. I’m pretty sure God doesn’t give us the steps to fill in the blank because our lives are never ‘done.’
I keep circling back to the same reminders over and over again.
So glad I’m not the only one!