Well, yes, I realize Weekend One Word is actually two words this time. Sometimes it can’t be helped, right?
I heard this verse in church last week, and it was one of those knock-me-flat moments. I’ve read these words countless times before, but for some reason, they leapt off the page of the bulletin, grabbed me by the metaphorical throat, and would not let go. That ever happen to you?
I think I’ve repeated this verse — particularly the “Give up your own way” part — to myself at least two or three times every day since I heard it. I simply can’t get it out of my head. I find myself arguing with God. “Come on…you know that’s impossible, right? Give up my own way entirely? You know me, God…it’s not going to happen.”
And so on and so forth.
I have moments when I really, truly do give up my own way, when I surrender wholly to God, trusting him with my life in its entirety. But the moments don’t last. I wind up struggling for control again, pushing, striving, forcing. Dropping my nets and taking two steps forward, only to run back and snatch them up again.
It’s exhausting. And disheartening.
Truth be told, I don’t have a big revelation for you here today (do I ever?). I’m just trying to be real, to put it all on the page and admit that this Christ-centered life I desire is hard. When it comes right down to it, I don’t really know how to do it, to be all-in with God and for God.
But maybe that’s the point. Maybe there isn’t a “how.” Maybe there’s not a ten-step action plan (Triple Type A me really, really wants an action plan). Maybe there’s not a “how” at all… only a Who, beckoning us, inviting us in, asking that we lean, rest, abide, remain.
Maybe “giving up” our “own way” isn’t an action so much as a stance, a way of being. Maybe we must be before we can do.
