“So what’s next then?” he asked me, arms crossed, standing at the threshold of the conference room where I set up my laptop, notebook and file folders twice a week. I’d just told my boss about my recent decision to leave book publishing, and his question did not come as a surprise.
It was my answer that surprised him.
“This,” I said to my boss, nodding to my laptop and my file folders on the conference room table. “What I’m doing right now is what’s next.”
I could see surprise in his raised eyebrows and hear it in the pause that yawned open in the small room. He laughed a little, not quite sure how to respond to my vague, unambitious answer, and I changed the subject so as not to prolong the awkwardness.
But my answer to my boss’s question was the truth. My “what’s next” is what’s right now.
The truth is, our culture demands that we have our “what’s next” all figured out. We are expected to follow a logical trajectory in our professional and personal lives. We are expected to have a one-year plan, a five-year plan, a ten-year plan. We are expected to have goals – to be ready with an acceptable answer when we’re asked “what’s next?”
It’s the American way, right? We strive. We have ambition. We have our “what’s next” lined up, and it typically follows an upward trajectory.
For most of my life this is exactly how I’ve operated. I had the plan, the strategy, the vision. I plotted my trajectory, methodically ticked through the necessary milestones to reach my goal. I’ve always lived with my heart, mind and soul set on the future – one foot in what’s next, and what’s next after that.
These days, though, I’m finding what I most desire is to live with both feet firmly planted in right now. I am craving small and ordinary. I am craving valuable but not necessarily publicly visible work. I am craving face-to-face connection, intimacy, smaller circles.
Admitting I don’t have my next thing worked out – that in fact, my right now is what’s next – is the antithesis of societal and cultural expectations, especially when it comes to one’s professional life. And yet, it feels right. I feel incredible freedom and contentment in doing good but largely invisible work for The Salvation Army, in stepping back from the relentless push toward platform- and brand-building, in living more intentionally in the mundane but surprisingly satisfying facets of my life.
I write fundraising copy for my part-time job. I refill the Oriole feeder with grape jelly. I shuttle one kid to tennis lessons, the other to a study session. I walk the dog and empty the dishwasher. I follow my son across a wide-open space as he takes photographs for a class project. I sit on the back patio with my husband as the evening breeze blows through the white pines and the cardinals call to one another from the honey locust trees. A painted lady butterfly lands on the lilac, and the baby squirrels skitter up the river birch.
Maybe a big “what’s next” will reveal itself in time. Or maybe not. Maybe, as Susanna Wesley once said, some of us are called “to be content to fill a small space if God be glorified.” For my right now, that feels exactly right.
This is beautiful. And wise. Thank you for being courageous enough to do your next right thing without being swayed by the noise and the pressure of others.
Wow this is profound. Your writing is beautiful but more important is your lifestyle change.
Impressed with your courage and strength.
Love how authentic you are.
Wish you all the best in all you do!!
I love this! That is exactly right. We rush so much toward the future that we miss today! Enjoy this season!
This is exactly where I am as well. I’ve felt the Spirit guiding me for awhile now farther from this worlds noisy places into a smaller world right here right now.
Yes, we can enjoy our “what’s next” in the “right now,” Michelle. Living in the moment cannot be underestimated.
And your photos are gorgeous!
Blessings!
“My “what’s next” is what’s right now.” Beautiful words, wise thoughts. This is the stuff that changes the world.
Oh my how true are your words. Thanks for letting me know it is ok to “just be me”. Bless you in this time of reflection and inner peace.
I also enjoy leaving a “What’s next” open by firmly believing that God knows exactly what’s next in my life. It took me a long time to reach this “place” but thinking back I can see God’s hand in my life and His grooming me so I can serve Him best. I congratulate you for accepting the free will that we are gifted by God and not allowing the mundane to control your heart and “soul.” What you have decided on is actually true freedom. Isn’t it wonderful to give oneself permission to really “see, taste, touch, feel, breathe, think” such amazing things that surround us constantly? If would all take the time to do so, maybe our world would not be in such turmoil. Congratulations on your decision and receive the abundant blessings God has in store for you with open arms…
I love your wisdom. To be content right where we are, without feeling guilty, about filling the tomorrows. To live in the presence of mundane life and relish the existence of the world around us. To be free and breathe in the beauty, He created in our lives at this time. Thank you, Michelle.
Oh, I love this, as well as your photos! Sometimes the quiet, private life is exactly where obedience leads us. And plenty of saints and sinners in the Bible and beyond were living their lives exactly that way.
The key, for me anyway, is to be ready if God calls me to something more. May we continue to be faithful in little or in much. Too often I think I’m really happy “in my own little corner, in my own little chair.”
I really appreciate your thoughts in your blog. It was exactly what I needed to hear. For the last four years, my mother lived in a nursing home. She was very lonely so I made sure to visit her each day. I loved our visits as much as she loved having company. I knew some day they would end. That some day came on March 6th this year. My Mom passed away at the age of 103. I miss her terribly and I frequently hear from people, so how are you going to fill that time you used to spend with your Mom? I appreciate your idea of doing what I am doing right now, because it’s a huge void. I’ll wait for God to decide. Thank you, Michelle, for giving me perspective.
This is so resonant. When I was 29 (20 years ago) and just a few years out of law school, I decided to leave a more traditional law job and instead work as a career “clerk” for a 69-year-old federal judge. Most people thought I was crazy, and in the last 20 years I have been asked at least a 100 times what I am going to do when he “retires.” He still hasn’t retired; I now have 13-year-old twins; I have traveled the country for this job; and I have worked on cases that went to the Supreme Court and are discussed in law school case books. I still don’t know what I am going to do when he “retires,” by the way. But I find the level of interest in “what’s next” for me perplexing, and a bit amusing. I do believe that God will provide the right opportunity, as Sheila says, be it little or much.
Thank you for your wise writing. I lean into your words and your thoughts and words resonate a deep part of my soul.
What a challenge it is to live in the mystery of the I AM. He is our five and ten year plan. Our past and future are present in his Now. We struggle to wrap our minds around his infinite eternity. We are aliens in this earth’s linear time zone. It seems you’ve set your foot onto His land as you move in His now and are simply…still. Thank you for taking us deep.
Hi dear Armene,
I will speak to Michelle, as I speak to you. I didn’t realize you were familiar w/ Michelle’s beautiful writing. Little does she know that you helped me hang onto my personal what’s next some years ago as I suffered through horrendous foot surgery, hoping that just being able to walk without debilitating pain would be my “what’s next”! Sometimes the what’s next happens because you have a friend come alongside to get you through the “what’s now”!. And, Armene, your “what’s now” helped me w/ the what’s next after the what’s next, which was to write Love Letters to God. You gave me hope when I needed it most. I think that Michelle’s what’s next will always involve writing. And, Michelle, your right now is writing now for the Salvation Army. Through your beautiful writing in helping others who need help and hope, you are helping them to live into *their* what’s next!
I love both you ladies!
xo
Lynn
I needed to read this post today. My “what’s next” is similar to yours–it’s my right now. And I’ve made similar changes in my life with respect to writing, platform, publishing, etc., in order to give more time to God, family, and volunteer work. Thanks for the underlying affirmation I found here.
Thank you for encouraging us all to pause in the ordinary moments of our days and drink in the slow and the quiet.
Oh… I know this well… and another great one is what is it you do… especially when you are in that in between season! I just came out of this season … so what are you going to do now that you raised your kids… I did not work outside the home… when people asked what do you do … I could say … a homeschooling mom… I had some… not much worth☺️ In people’s eyes! Then came what’s next??? I felt like I had to give a “reason” to be breathing air!! It’s really dug deep… where is my worth found? how do I justify my life? It was brutally freeing… and then came what’s next… what are you going to do with your lay counseling degree? What are you doing…. I can say… it was a very freeing season for me!!! Setting me more free of my worth being attached
To outward things! You’ve got this… you will shake up those around you… and you will be more free!!!
Thank you for sharing your feelings and insight which you do so well. Your honesty and openness is to be admired.
It looks like you’re finding the secrets of life and happiness. Nothing more satisfying than seeing and hearing God in his beauty and sounds of nature. We get too busy trying to be in control. As an old proverb says ” Man makes plans, and God laughs”.
This is so helpful! Living in the present moment… it fits well with the Holy Spirit, He isn’t geared toward the schedules or 5 year plan, He is in the now. Your thoughts are so fitting as I pondered the Holy Spirits ways this morning. Thank you for your continued writing, you unravel the ways that we can all get entangled in the busy, agenda driven society we live in, and I love watching butterflies 🙂
when people asked what do you do … I could say … a homeschooling mom… I had some… not much worth☺️ In people’s eyes! Then came what’s next??? I felt like I had to give a “reason” to be breathing air!! It’s really dug deep… where is my worth found? how do I justify my life? It was brutally freeing…
techvinn
So much truth, Michelle! I find the “what’s right now” times most real after the “detour “ signs along my life path, versus the bends of the road. It is as though the Lord says, ( as I throw my hands up, crying, “Now what!?”) “Be still, trust that My design is perfect. You, child, only need to walk alongside me and I will reveal your beautiful place in that Masterpiece.”
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.