This morning on the way to school, my son Noah, who is a senior and deep into the college application process, mentioned he might want to attend the University of Nebraska here in Lincoln. “That way,” he said, “even if I live on campus, I can still come home to take care of my plants.”
I bit my tongue to keep from blurting, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” I mean, really — who selects a college based on its proximity to their houseplants?
Well, the answer is: Noah does. Because plants are Noah’s passion.
Noah started collecting plants almost before he could speak in complete sentences. This is the kid who, when he was a preschooler, sat on Santa’s lap at the mall and asked for the book Designing with Succulents for Christmas. I’ve never seen a Santa Claus look so utterly baffled as I shouted out from behind the velvet rope, “It’s a gardening book!”
The shelves in Noah’s room are lined with succulents and cactus. A rubber tree is staked near the window, and a dracaena marginata sits adjacent to his nightstand. In the early mornings, a fuchsia glow seeps from the crack beneath his bedroom door, light from the “grow lamp” he bought for his candelabra cactus. When I went to Honduras this summer, I texted him photos of giant agave clinging to the rocky hillside. I know my son; he prefers pictures of plants over people.
I thought about all this in the car this morning after Noah made his declaration about choosing a college that’s close to his houseplants. “That’s fine; I get that,” I finally said (diplomatically). “But you know,” I added, “I’m surprised, given how much you’ve always loved plants, that you don’t want to major in botany or horticulture. Plants are your passion, so why wouldn’t you want to major in something that would lead to a career working with plants?”
Noah has told us that he wants to pursue a major in the humanities. He’s mentioned English, German and history as possibilities; he insists he’s not interested in science, in spite of his obvious proclivity toward plants, the environment and nature.
“What about botany? What about forestry? What about environmental studies?” my husband and I ask from time to time. We’ve always expected, assumed, Noah would pursue something planty, something sciencey. Which is why I asked him this morning, “Why? Why wouldn’t you pursue something that is so obviously your passion?”
Noah shrugged. “Your passion doesn’t always have to be your job,” he answered.
Photo credit: Curt Brinkmann
Photo credit: Curt Brinkmann
I wrote my first book, Spiritual Misfit, 12 years ago (it was published in 2014, but it was written long before that). It took me two years to write the first draft of that book, during which time I would awaken before dawn, pull on my red fleece robe and a warm pair of socks and traipse down to the basement, where I hunched over the keyboard for an hour or two while my preschooler and toddler slept.
During those early mornings, tapping out words on the basement computer, I lost all track of time. The world did not exist during those hours. Time did not exist. My responsibilities and the demands of my daily life did not exist.
There was no blog (that came later). I didn’t have a Facebook account, Twitter hadn’t gone mainstream and Instagram didn’t yet exist. I didn’t know what a “platform” was. I wasn’t thinking about “felt need” or audience. I didn’t know anything about proposals or querying or agents. Sure, I had dreamy hopes that maybe someday I would publish whatever it was I was writing, but that all seemed very vague and very distant.
Mostly I wrote because both the process itself and what it revealed was intriguing to me. I wrote because through the process of writing, I discovered important things about myself, and I was curious to uncover more. I wrote because writing revealed myself to me. And because it was fun. Writing the first draft of Spiritual Misfit was a pure, undiluted pursuit of passion.
“Creative fields make crap for careers, but creative living can be an amazing vocation,” writes Elizabeth Gilbert in Big Magic.
This may not be true for everyone. I’m sure there are plenty of people, Gilbert herself included, who are able to successfully meld their passion and their career into one fulfilling, delightful pursuit. I have learned, though, that I am not one of these people.
Over the last ten years, writing morphed from my play and passion into my profession. It was a slow change, so slow I didn’t even recognize what was happening. I think maybe for a little while I was able to have it both ways — a passion that was also my profession. But over time, the demands of my profession — platform-building, meeting a “felt need,” mainaining social media, growing an audience, tracking sales, speaking, attending conferences, managing launch teams, writing book proposals and articles — edged out my passion bit by bit, until finally, like the moon covering the sun in a total solar eclipse, it obliterated it entirely.
Today I find myself in a different place. I have a job that I like and find fulfilling but is not my passion. The professional demands that strangled my passion for writing have fallen away. I am not building a platform or writing for a particular audience or striving to address a “felt need.” I do not feel the need to be productive with my writing. I’m not thinking about branding or messaging. I deleted my professional Facebook page, and I post on Instagram when I feel like it. I’m writing what I want to write about — and when I hear myself saying, “That’s selfish,” I tell myself, gently, “No, it’s not.”
Once again, I am remembering why I like to write. I am remembering that writing is fun and helps me feel more deeply alive. Most of all, I am remembering what I knew 12 years ago when I wrote the first draft of Spiritual Misfit in my basement, which is exactly what Noah clarified for me in the car on the way to school this morning.
I am remembering that my passion doesn’t have to be my job.
Michelle this is simply a wonderful post. I think people so often think their passion must be their employment, and if so, and they simply can’t find a paid position in their field of passion, then they have summarily missed their purpose boat! And that is a sad phenomena, indeed! But your take on this is so refreshing and, no doubt, for many, a relief. I agree with you, and likely do countless volunteers and the organizations which engage them. One doesn’t have to get paid for work for which they are passionate and gifted. Granted, it would be lovely to receive a paycheck for work one loves, but it is not imperative. And, as in your case, sometimes working sans salary provides a freedom that is not possible when working for a boss or a set of protocols, such as the hoops authors must jump through today. You are now writing because you love it, with your voice, your perspective, in your time and in your way. Just think of the opportunity this creates for you. I am really sleepy or I would share more, but thank you once again for expressing what is unconventional and, no doubt, a gift to many creatives. And as for Noah–besides being the spitting image of his mother–I love his love for Creation. Frankly, he and Sheridan are kindred plant spirits. She is constantly singing and talking to hers (many of which she has inherited and rescued from her lack-of-green-thumb mother’s wastecan). I don’t get her passion, but the plants do, and they grow and flourish happily just for her. It sounds as if Noah is of the same ilk as she.
Love
Lynn
wow wisdom from you and Noah. I shared it with my writing friends. Love it. I am so glad you chose to continue to write here – your voice is important to hear – at least to my heart and soul
Wise, wise words from one so young as Noah, Michelle. Wow! I feel confident that whatever he decides to major in, he will do well.
Yes, keep on writing, my friend. Writing for yourself is not at all selfish.
Blessings!
In college, one assignment I had was to write all the roles I have played in my life – cyclist, girls group leader, daughter, niece, sister, cousin, friend, factory worker, clerk typist, secretary, student etc. – I came up with 38 roles at that age of 28- all of which define who I was at the time (and then we had to scratch out ones we would no longer be in 40-50 years). My list now is much longer. To quote some of my poem “Reasons to Work” in my book “Vignettes on life – from birth to 102” “Not everyone can work at jobs that they love, nor could we be provided with all of life’s goods and services if this was everyone’s philosophy…..”. People also work to have the necessary funds to raise their family, enable them to have energy and time to do the things they want to do outside of work. At times a “dream job” can suck all our energy and time to explore all the parts of our personality and variety of interests and have time for our significant relationships in community.
What a wonderful reminder that we can have many passions in life. Each thing we enjoy doesn’t always have to be our job. I enjoy many things. Writing, gardening, reading, taking long walks and more…
This ‘is’ a wonderful post and I sense a real and rare beauty in the freedom you now have in your writing… that is the gift <3 for you and for us, the readers. Blessings to your son as he follows his heart
Once again, I am remembering why I like to write. I am remembering that writing is fun and helps me feel more deeply alive. 🙂
I love reading your blog! Thanks for another insightful revelation!
This is seriously just an American thing. It’s a good, beautiful, empowering thing about our system, but it’s totally unique in the world to think that one’s passion can or even should be one’s career. In Europe, where I live as a missionary, almost nobody does what they’re passionate about as a job. In Spain it is considered rude to ask a person what they do for a living because it’s such a boring topic and book one wants to talk about work when they’re out with friends. There are disadvantages to this attitude as well, but it’s been super interesting to observe and note my own American thought process when I ask people questions about themselves.
This is such a true, wise thing to keep in mind. When I was graduating college I was told my by favorite professor, “Do what you love and the money will come.” And of course there’s that cliche, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” The problems arise when you do something you love, but maybe the work environment is soul-sucking and you end up hating your job (and the thing you started out loving). Or the thing you love doesn’t pay well, or at all, and if you follow the money rather than the passion, you can feel like you’ve ‘sold out.’ As I’m turning 40 I’m realizing that’s it’s okay for a job, or career, to simply be that–it’s good if you don’t hate it, but it doesn’t have to be your passion.
What a wise thought. Sometimes if we follow our passion, and make it our job, all the energy and joy is eventually sucked out. Somethings just need to stay our passions, and only passions, with no strings attached. Otherwise the fun gets sucked out.
I don’t believe I have ever agreed with something I “read on the internet” quite as much as the thoughts from this blog!
My husband and I have spent most of our married life helping people discover their God-given gifts and talents and learn how to use them, not just to benefit themselves but the people around them too. It seemed natural for my husband to pursue vocational ministry and he was good at it.
Ministry was also complicated, gut-wrenching, and ultimately neither of us are involved in full time ministry anymore (and probably never will be again). Now we are choosing to let our professions pay the bills and our passion (investing in people) be what we do on our own terms again.
Good for Noah for figuring that out so much earlier than we did! (and good for you and your husband for giving him that foundation)
Wow! What an insightful young man. I have recently been toying with the idea of getting some type of fun part-time job down here in FL. So many people have suggested working at one of the wildlife places I go to frequently. My answer to that, however, is no. I have tried to explain to these same people that I want to be able to continue going back to these places time and time again and still find the magic in it every single time. I think if I work there, it will all change and that would make me very sad. Up until I read this post, I couldn’t quite articulate my point. But now I can! I will simple reply “Your passion does not need to be your job”. Thank you for the great post, Michelle, and thank you to Noah for those incredibly wise words. Best of luck with the college application process. Rest assured, wherever he goes near or far he will surely go far in life. High five to you and Brad!
Thanks for your post. Hunting accurate information is among the biggest concerns for the younger generation.