50 Shades of Grey

I thought about it, I did. After all, 50 Shades of Grey is a self-publishing phenom – a book that sold more than 3 million copies (electronic and paperback) in the first month it was released by Vintage (and that’s not counting its previous self-published sales). Everybody is talking about it – honestly, I was starting to feel a little left out.

So when I got my Kindle as a Mother’s Day gift, the first book I looked up was 50 Shades of Grey (there’s something wrong with that, isn’t there – that I get a Kindle for Mother’s Day, and I consider buying a sex book with it?). I didn’t buy 50 Shades of Grey that Sunday, though. I bought Jeff Goins’ book You are a Writer instead (hmmm, writing or erotica…she picks writing. That should tell you all you need to know).

I’ve read a couple of posts from the Christian/Biblical perspective about why some have chosen not to read 50 Shades, but I have to tell you, the reason I decided not to read it isn’t because I’m a Christian or because the Bible tells me I shouldn’t. I don’t know the Bible well enough to support an argument like that (I’m reading the Old Testament through for the first time right now, and I’ve gotten as far as Nahum– I’m on the “Bible in 900 Days” plan).

So…here are the real reasons I’m not reading 50 Shades of Grey:

1. The writing is terrible.

I know, I know, I haven’t read the book…so how can I judge? Well, my best friend Andrea read it, and I trust her judgment.

Andrea is a voracious reader. When we were kids she’d walk two doors up to my house on summer mornings, and we’d plant ourselves on my parents’ screened porch, prop open our books and read together all day, sitting with our feet tucked beneath us on the orange and yellow vinyl cushions that covered the metal rockers. That’s what we did for fun. We read our separate books together.

So last week, when Andrea emailed me her take on 50 Shades – “Horrible writing. Frankly, it’s porn. Nothing literary about it so far.” – I thought, “Ok, I’m good.”

I don’t have anything against erotica per se, but please, can we make the effort to write it well? Honestly, I think the bad prose would distract me too much from the sex anyway.

2. It’s the kind of entertainment that doesn’t add anything to my life.

I’m not reading Shades of Grey for the same reason I don’t watch much reality TV: it doesn’t contribute anything good to my life. Now before you roll your eyes and assume I’m plunked in front of NOVA or Mother Angelica every night, let me explain.

I’d like to tell you I don’t watch Real Housewives or Tosh.O or Chelsea Handler because it’s crap or crass or in poor taste, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth.

The real reason I don’t watch those shows is because part of me enjoys them. I get a lift out of witnessing someone else’s bad decisions; I laugh at other people’s misfortunes; I’m secretly relieved that at least my life isn’t as pathetic or as messed up or as downright embarrassing as theirs.

And then I come away from those shows feeling a little bit gross and a little bit guilty for enjoying entertainment at someone else’s expense.

I also simply don’t feel very good about myself when I watch reality TV. I’m not saying I need to have a spiritual or intellectual experience every time I turn on the television or read a book (I watch House Hunters, need I say more?), I just don’t want to come away feeling more depleted and emptier than when I started.

Although I can’t be sure, I suspect I’d finish 50 Shades of Grey feeling the same way. I simply don’t think I’d feel good about myself. I’m leery that it would leave me with that empty, oogy feeling.

In the end, I decided bad writing combined with feeling like that isn’t worth the $9.99.

What about you? Will you read 50 Shades of Grey (I’m not judging, I swear!)? And if no, why not?

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