Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

book reviews

Top 10 Favorite Books of 2019

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The year is not quite over yet, but I wanted to share my annual Favorite Books of the Year post with you, in case you need some good bookish gift ideas for the readers in your life (here are my 2017 and 2016 favorites lists for more ideas; I deleted my 2018 list by accident – oops!).

In 2019 I read 67 books, compared to 58 in 2018. Because I commute an hour back and forth from Lincoln to Omaha three times a week now, my audio book tally has increased quite a bit — 13 audio books this year compared to just two last year.

Some of my favorites this year have been around for a while — just because I read them in 2019 doesn’t necessarily mean they were published in 2019. And one of my favorites this year, Peace Like a River, was a re-read.

Here are my 10 favorite reads from 2019, followed by a complete list of all the books I read (the lists are not in any particular order).

An American Marriage
BY Tayari Jones

Genre: Fiction

About the Book: “Newlyweds Celestial and Roy are the embodiment of both the American Dream and the New South. He is a young executive, and she is an artist on the brink of an exciting career. But as they settle into the routine of their life together, Roy is arrested and sentenced to twelve years for a crime Celestial knows he didn’t commit. As Roy’s time in prison passes, Celestial, bereft and unmoored, is unable to hold on to the love that has been her center.” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: Beautiful writing, complex characters and a deeply moving, compelling story, An American Marriage ticked all the boxes for me. I listened on audio, and the two actors who read the parts of Celeste and Roy were brilliant, which added to the overall appeal of the book.

Begin Again: The Brave Practice of Release Hurt and Receiving Rest 
BY Leena Tankersley

Genre: Christian Non-Fiction

About the Book: “What happens when life begins to trip us up and failure starts creeping in? Many of us just keep on doing the same thing, hoping for different results. Some of us look for escape, to find a way out of the mess we feel that we’ve created. But neither enduring nor escaping is ultimately what we need. The answer is to allow ourselves to begin again, every day, in every part of our lives.” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: This was one of the first books I read after making the big decision to step out of the publishing arena last winter, and it was exactly what I needed. Begin Again gave me permission to  reevaluate my life and my choices and acknowledge what wasn’t working anymore. If you are in a season of transition, this book would be an excellent choice to help you navigate tumultuous seas.

Peace Like a River
BY Lief Enger

Genre: Fiction

About the Book: “Enger brings us eleven-year-old Reuben Land, an asthmatic boy in the Midwest who has reason to believe in miracles. Along with his sister and father, Reuben finds himself on a cross-country search for his outlaw older brother who has been charged with murder. Their journey unfolds like a revelation, and its conclusion shows how family, love, and faith can stand up to the most terrifying of enemies, and the most tragic of fates.” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave:  This one was a re-read for me, and I am SO glad I picked it up again, this time in audio form. Enger’s lyrical descriptions took my breath away, and his lively, deeply likable and wholesome characters warmed my heart and soul. I can’t imagine how this book could become anything other than an American classic alongside the likes of Wallace Stegner and Willa Cather (even if you don’t like Stegner and Cather, read this book!).

Happiness: A Memoir – The Crooked Little Road to Semi-Ever After 
BY Heather Harpham

Genre: Memoir

About the Book: “Happiness begins with a charming courtship between hopelessly attracted opposites: Heather, a world-roaming California girl, and Brian, an intellectual, homebody writer, kind and slyly funny, but loath to leave his Upper West Side studio. Their magical interlude ends, full stop, when Heather becomes pregnant―Brian is sure he loves her, only he doesn’t want kids. Heather returns to California to deliver their daughter alone, but mere hours after Gracie’s arrival, Heather’s bliss is interrupted when a nurse wakes her, ‘Get dressed, your baby is in trouble.'” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: I love memoir, and this one is impeccable — beautifully written, riveting storytelling, likable characters. I loved it so much I stalked, friended and followed the author on all of her social media channels. A story about love, parenting, human connection and impossible choices, this was one I could not put down.

The Dreamers
BY Karen Thompson Walker

Genre: Fiction

About the Book: “One night in an isolated college town, a first-year student stumbles into her dorm room, falls asleep—and doesn’t wake up. Her roommate, Mei, cannot rouse her. Neither can the paramedics, nor the perplexed doctors at the hospital. When a second girl falls asleep, and then a third, Mei finds herself thrust together with an eccentric classmate as panic takes hold of the college and spreads to the town. Those affected by the illness, doctors discover, are displaying unusual levels of brain activity. They are dreaming heightened dreams—but of what?” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: The Dreamers has a bit of a post-apocalyptic feel to it, which isn’t something I normally jibe with…and yet, I was captivated by this book. Simultaneously creepy, mysterious and evocative, this gripping novel was a page-turner.

Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants
BY Robin Wall Kimmerer

Genre: Non-Fiction

About the Book: “As a botanist, Robin Wall Kimmerer has been trained to ask questions of nature with the tools of science. As a member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, she embraces the notion that plants and animals are our oldest teachers. In Braiding Sweetgrass, Kimmerer brings these two lenses of knowledge together to take us on “a journey that is every bit as mythic as it is scientific, as sacred as it is historical, as clever as it is wise.'” – from Amazon

What It’s a Fave: This book ticked all my science/plant nerd boxes AND is beautifully written too — lyrical, personable and accessible. I read each chapter slowly, savoring Kimmerer’s descriptions and observations, grateful for her poignant stories that illustrate how people and plants, earth and humanity need each other, are made for each other and are better together.

Eleanor & Park
BY Rainbow Rowell

Genre: YA Fiction

About the Book: “Set over the course of one school year in 1986, this is the story of two star-crossed misfits smart enough to know that first love almost never lasts, but brave and desperate enough to try. When Eleanor meets Park, you’ll remember your own first love-and just how hard it pulled you under.” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: I absolutely adored this YA romance about two high school sweetheart misfits and believe me, YA romance is not typically my genre of choice. Not only is this story sweet, Rowell does an astonishing job of getting inside the heads of adolescents — I honestly don’t know how she does it. As an added bonus, the book is set in 1986, and I graduated from high school in 1988, so all the 80s references were spot. on. (also I listened to this one on audio and the actor did a brilliant job).

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist and Our Lives Revealed
BY Lori Gottlieb

Genre: Memoir/Self-Help

About the Book: “With startling wisdom and humor, Gottlieb invites us into her world as both clinician and patient, examining the truths and fictions we tell ourselves and others as we teeter on the tightrope between love and desire, meaning and mortality, guilt and redemption, terror and courage, hope and change.” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave: Part memoir, part brilliant self-help, this book made me laugh out loud one minute (Gottlieb, a therapist who winds up going to counseling herself, is wry, self-deprecating and sardonic – the kind of smart humor I love most) and had me jotting notes into my journal the next. My own therapist recommended this book to me, in part because Gottlieb wrestles with the decision of whether or not to break a book contract (now THAT sounds familiar!), but also, I think, because she knew it would resonate with me as an insightful, thoughtful, entertaining memoir.

Olive, Again
BY Elizabeth Strout

Genre: Fiction

About the Book: “‘Prickly, wry, resistant to change yet ruthlessly honest and deeply empathetic, Olive Kitteridge is ‘a compelling life force.’ Whether with a teenager coming to terms with the loss of her father, a young woman about to give birth during a hilariously inopportune moment, a nurse who confesses a secret high school crush, or a lawyer who struggles with an inheritance she does not want to accept, the unforgettable Olive will continue to startle us, to move us, and to inspire us—in Strout’s words—’to bear the burden of the mystery with as much grace as we can.'” – from Amazon

Why It’s a Fave:  Olive Kitteridge is one of my favorite books of all time, and the sequel, Olive Again, did not disappoint. The format is the same, with loosely connected short-storyish chapters, all set in the small seaside Maine town — some of them featuring Olive as the main focus, others merely mentioning her in passing or even not at all. The stories can feel bleak at times, but Olive’s candor brings a levity that helps even out some of the more somber chapters.

Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
BY John O’Donohue

Genre: Non-Fiction

About the Book: “In Anam Cara, Gaelic for ‘soul friend,’ the ancient teachings, stories, and blessings of Celtic wisdom provide such profound insights on the universal themes of friendship, solitude, love, and death.

Why It’s a Fave: The late Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue is such a gentle soul, and his wisdom runs deep. Anam Cara is a profound exploration of the heart, mind and soul’s journey through the stages of life. I dog-eared dozens of pages and copied numerous passages into my journal so I can come back to them again. This book has been deeply illuminating for me as I walk through my own season of growth.

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Here are the other books I read in 2019 (Note: the letter “A” denotes audio version; “RR” denotes a re-read.) These are Amazon affiliate links.

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
You Think It I’ll Say It: Stories – Curtis Sittenfeld
Make Time: How to Focus on What Matters Every Day – Jake Knapp & John Zeratsky
The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin (RR)
Walking – Henry David Thoreau
Come as You Are – Emily Nagoski
Better Than Before – Gretchen Rubin (A) (RR)
Atomic Habits – James Clear
The Soul Tells a Story: Engaging Creativity with Spirituality in the Writing Life – Vanita Wright
Nine Perfect Strangers – Liane Moriarty (A)
Homegoing – Yaa Gyasi
Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity and Love – Dani Shapiro
Less – Andrew Sean Greer (A)
Placemaker: Cultivating Places of Beauty, Comfort and Peace – Christie Purifoy
The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom – Christine Valters Paintner
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – Taylor Jenkins Reid
Glorious Weakness: Discovering God in All We Lack – Alia Joy
The Next Right Thing – Emily Freeman
How to Disappear: Notes on Invisibility in a Time of Transparency – Akiko Busch
Sharp Objects – Gillian Flynn
The Universal Christ – Richard Rohr
Overstory – Richard Powers
Brazen: The Courage to Find the You That’s Been Hiding – Leanna Tankersley (A)
Zoo Nebraska – Carson Vaughn
Me Talk Pretty One Day – David Sedaris (A)
Digital Minimalism – Cal Newport
The Light We Lost – Jill Santopolo
Housekeeping — Marilynne Robinson
The River – Peter Heller
Soulful Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More – Courtney Carver
The Forgotten Garden – Kate Morton
Bear Town – Frederik Backman
Lila – Marilynne Robinson
Light from Distant Stars – Shawn Smucker
Where the Crawdads Sing – Delia Owens
The Middle Matters – Lisa-Jo Baker
City of Girls – Elizabeth Gilbert
Riverwalking – Kathleen Deane Moore
Making Marriage Beautiful – Dorothy Greco
The Dearly Beloved – Cara Wall
The Good House – Ann Leary
The Summer Book – Tove Jansson
The Testaments – Margaret Atwood
How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy – Jenny Odell
Ready Player One – Ernest Cline (A)
Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves and Our Society Thrive – Marc Brackett
Turtles All the Way Down – John Green (A)
Alphabet of Grace – Frederick Buechner
Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul – Stuart Brown
Bossy Pants – Tina Fey (A) (RR)
Glitter and Glue – Kelly Corrigan
The New Old Me: My Late-Life Reinvention – Meredith Maran
Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant – Daniel Tammet
Searching for Mom: A Memoir – Sara Easterly
Fangirl – Rainbow Rowell (A)
Mythical Me: Finding Freedom from Constant Comparison – Richella Parham
The Artist’s Way – Julia Cameron
Sing, Unburied, Sing – Jesmyn Ward (A)

Each month I include my current reads in my Back Patio newsletter, so if you are looking for book recommendations, you can subscribe to that newsletter over here. 

Tell me, what’s the best book you read in 2019? 

Community as a Courageous Act of Peace {and a book giveaway}

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Truly, I have never seen so much food at a single meal. Not on my mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving table. Not even at my Aunt Maureen’s annual Easter smorgasbord. The feast was epic.

A few weeks ago our friend Azzat mentioned that he and Afia wanted to host “a feast,” as the Yezidis say, as a way to thank all the people who had pitched in to set up their apartment before they arrived in Lincoln as refugees nearly two years ago.

“Invite everyone,” Azzat declared. He and Afia also insisted that no one bring a thing – not a bottle of wine or a liter of soda, not a bag of chips or a plate of brownies. “We want to do everything,” he said.

Sixteen of us squeezed into our friends’ townhouse living room on Sunday afternoon. We sat on the floor, our legs pulled in close so as to keep our socked feet clear of the plastic tablecloth that had been spread out on the carpet. Dish after dish was placed on the tablecloth: five roasted chickens, several huge tin foil pans of biryani and couscousi, 16 bowls of soup, 16 bowls of salad and a stack of naan so thick it could have doubled as an extra chair in a pinch.

We passed dishes back and forth, heaping spoonfuls of savory food high on one another’s plates, tearing pieces of soft naan, handing bowls around and across the makeshift table. I swear we ate for an hour and a half straight, and all the while, as friends new and old laughed and passed more plates, I couldn’t stop smiling. The photo my friend Kristen snapped with her iPhone captures my glee. In the picture, I’m grinning ear to ear like a fool, literally clapping my hands in sheer delight.

Our friends’ journey to Lincoln has been far from perfect. They wouldn’t have chosen it if they’d had any choice at all — that I know for sure. They left their beloved homeland, their culture, virtually all their possessions and most of their dearest friends and family to begin a new life free from the threat of ISIS, yet missing so many precious pieces of home. They have lived, and still live, daily heartbreak. They have lived, and still live, daily struggle.

And yet, in spite of incomprehensible hardship and loss, time and time again they give wholly of themselves and their resources to us. They don’t even think twice. They invite us and these friends of ours, strangers to them, into their own living room, they spread a table for us and lay out a feast and they lavish all of us with hospitality, generosity, warmth and love. They pour us the best wine, they cook for five hours to create all their best dishes (intentionally making extra so they can send every single one of their guests home with a plate of leftovers), they serve us, smiling and brushing off our praise like it’s all so no big deal.

But it is a big deal. As author Shannan Martin would say, this hospitality, this intentional walk toward, rather than away from another, is a very big deal.

“Offering ourselves as a kind-hearted presence in a world that has forgotten the meaning of community is a courageous act of peace,” writes Shannan in her beautiful book, The Ministry of Ordinary Places.

I love that, and I think that’s exactly why this beautiful family continues to astonish me. The ones considered outsiders and “other” by so many, the ones who arrived here from halfway around the world, the ones who have little compared to most of us, continuously offer their whole selves to us, welcoming us, embracing us and reminding us of what true community looks like.

Their kind-hearted presence in our lives and their generosity and investment in us is truly a courageous act of peace….and of love.

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I can’t think of a better book to give away with this post about community than Shannan Martin’s new release, The Ministry of Ordinary Places. If you don’t know Shannan, get thee to her website, pronto. She is of of my favorite writers, hands-down. I loved her first book, Falling Free, so much, I wrote about it in my own upcoming book. And I think The Ministry of Ordinary Places is even better! This book will make you laugh out loud and it will bring tears to your eyes, almost within the same paragraph. AND it will convict you in all the best ways about the power, beauty and gift of living with our ordinary neighbors in our ordinary places.

To be eligible for the drawing, please leave a comment telling us about one small thing a neighbor or friend did for you that made all the difference. I will draw one name at random on Monday, October 15 and will notify the winner by email.

What I’m Reading {Summer 2018 Edition}

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When I was a kid I spent most of my summer afternoons on the screened-in porch, tucked into a rocking chair, the vinyl seat cushion sticking to the back of my legs in the New England humidity.

Often my best friend Andrea would fold herself into her own rocking chair next to me, and together we’d while away the day in quiet contentment, each with a book in our hands. It seems funny now that we intentionally got together in order to spend hours without speaking, each of us with her nose in her own book. And yet, there was something perfectly right about those long, hot summer afternoons spent in companionable silence.

Decades later, Andrea lives 1,500 miles away, I don’t have a screened-in porch or a set of aluminum rocking chairs, and I don’t often have a whole summer afternoon in which to dedicate solely to a book.

Nowadays I often pull a novel from my purse to read a few pages in the car as I wait for a boy to emerge from one activity or another. Or I squeeze in a chapter before turning out the light, my eyelids growing heavy but my mind and heart still eager to turn the next page.

Reading will always be my pastime of choice, which is why every few months or so I love to share the books I’ve enjoyed lately (and I love to hear what you’re reading too – let me know in the comments!).

Here’s what’s been stacked on my nightstand this summer:

The Edge of Over There
by Shawn Smucker
Genre: YA Fiction

The Edge of Over There has a Madeleine L’Engle-ish feel – a little bit fantasy, a little bit mystery, and a whole lot riveting. Though it’s technically Young Adult fiction, I guarantee this book will have you reading late into the night, no matter what your age. Start with Shawn’s The Day the Angels Fell first, if you haven’t read that one yet, and then move on to this equally satisfying sequel.

Why I loved it: It’s a page-turner with a fast-paced plot, but it also got me thinking about deeper questions.

Raise Your Voice: Why We Stay Silent and How to Speak Up
by Kathy Khang
Genre: Christian nonfiction

A powerful, convicting new voice, Christian activist Kathy Khang makes an important, convincing argument for why it’s imperative that we use our God-given voices and intellect to confront racism, discrimination and injustice. As a person who is often hesitant to speak up, this book gave me a much-needed push toward raising my own voice, as well as a whole lot to think about.

Why I loved it: Kathy’s approach is grace-ful yet firm. I deeply appreciate her wisdom and her courage in telling the hard parts of her story.

Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage
By Dani Shapiro
Genre: Memoir

I’ve read all of Dani Shapiro’s memoirs (Devotion, Slow Motion) and some of her fiction, and Hourglass is my favorite so far. Tender, intimate and vulnerable, yet also ruthlessly honest, Shapiro looks hard at her own marriage — “a reckoning in which she confronts both the life she dreamed of and the life she made, and struggles to reconcile the girl she was with the woman she has become.”

Why I loved it: Maybe it’s the voyeur in me, but I love a good memoir for its intimacy and vulnerability and the way it prompts me to look at my own life. And this one has the added benefit of being expertly written in beautiful, luminous prose.

A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
By Joan Anderson
Genre: Memoir

When she hits middle-age, her children grown and married, her husband focused on a new job, Joan Anderson decides to take a hiatus and go her own way. Her year alone on Cape Cod is a rebirth of sorts, a time in which she begins to know her true self for the first time in a long time, perhaps ever. A Year by the Sea is a beautiful reflection on the passage of time, on seasons and the gifts of nature and on the process of deep transformation. Wise, compelling, poignant – this is a book I will return to again.

Why I loved it: At 48, I’m nearly the age Anderson was when she spent her year by the sea and penned this memoir about her transformative experience. I don’t know…maybe I am on the cusp of a mid-life crisis? All I know is that this book spoke to me deeply.

The Poisonwood Bible
By Barbara Kingsolver
Genre: Fiction

I tried reading this one years ago and put it down. But this past spring my son Noah read it for one of his high school classes, which compelled me to pick it up again, and I am SO glad I did. A riveting, compelling saga, The Poisonwood Bible is narrated in alternating chapters by the four daughters and the wife of a Baptist missionary who relocates his family to the Belgian Congo in the early 1960s in order to save souls. I’m a little rusty on my African history and my knowledge of post-colonialism, so I undoubtedly missed some key points, but wow, this book was fascinating. It had me staying up WAY past my bedtime most nights. Kingsolver is a master storyteller, and this book, one that is at the same time very dark and richly beautiful, is one I will not soon forget.

Why I loved it: Plain and simple, The Poisonwood Bible is a masterful novel with deeply compelling themes, rich, multi-layered characters and stunning prose.

Up Next in My To-Be-Read Stack:

An Unfinished Marriage and The Second Journey, sequels to Joan Anderson’s A Year by the Sea.

March, by Geraldine Brooks – The story of the absent father in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women.

A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table, by Molly Wizenberg – Part cookbook, part memoir, my favorite (Though I don’t actually cook, I like to read about cooking, which is odd, I realize. Also, I got this for .99 cents on Kindle; check to see if the deal is still on!).

Food: A Love Story, by Jim Gaffigan – I’m reading this one for my book club in August. I think Jim Gaffigan is hilarious, so I’m looking forward to this.

So tell me, what have you read this summer that has you staying up way past your bedtime? 

 

Traveling the Broken Way

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The Broken Way

Faith has never come easily for me. I’ve often described my spiritual journey and faith itself as a two-steps-forward-one-step-back kind of process, with doubt rearing its ugly head from time to time, and me clamoring to smack it down like I’m playing whack-a-mole at the local carnival.

This past summer I traveled to Tuscany on a spiritual writers’ retreat expecting to uncover clarity and direction in my vocation. Instead I ended up spiraling into a dark night of the soul I never saw coming. Sitting cross-legged under a grove of trees overlooking the golden Tuscan hills, I got real with God real fast. It was the quintessential “I believe, help my unbelief!” moment, and it left me wrung out and reeling. God and I wrestled it out like never before.

Two days later, hands trembling, voice shaking, I told my traveling companions about my dark night. It was a confession of sorts, and that community of brothers and sisters — most of whom I’d met for the first time only days before — gathered around and held me close. They lamented with me. They consoled me. And most of all, they gave me hope.

When, following my sputtering confession, one of my new friends declared, “God delights in you,” I tucked that word of encouragement into my heart. Since then I’ve taken it out and reexamined it again and again.

My dark-night-of-the-soul experience in Italy and how I’ve come to understand it was a game-changer for me, a life-changer. As Ann Voskamp writes in her new book, The Broken Way, “Our God wants the most unwanted parts of us the most…Nothing pleases God more than letting Him touch the places you think don’t please Him. God is drawn to broken things — so he can draw the most beautiful things.”

sumac

pelicans

The Broken Way

The Broken Way

Cracking open wide in Tuscany allowed me to receive the understanding that just as I delight in my own children, God delights in me. He loves me like I love them, sweetly, tenderly, fiercely, but infinitely, unfathomably more. I never really understood that. I never really believed it.

Truth be told, three months later I’m still leaning hard into what it really means that God delights in me – what it looks like and feels like. I’m leaning hard into believing it. I’m allowing God to teach me, to show me what he is doing for me, to show me what I need to enter into. God is already loving, he is already delighting in, and he desires that we enter into that space. As Paul says in his letter to the Romans, “God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does.” (3:28, Msg.)

Ann Voskamp’s book The Broken Way has helped me move farther along in this journey. She’s put words around the unexplainable and indescribable. She has given language to the mysterious, inexplicable yet sometimes palpable presence of God.

“Belovedness is the center of being, the only real identity, God’s only name for you, the only identity he gives you,” she writes. “And you won’t ever feel like you belong anywhere until you choose to listen to your heart beating out that you do — unconditionally, irrevocably. Until you let yourself feel the truth of that – the truth your heart has always known because He who made it wrote your name right there.”

A long time ago I looked up the origin of my name, Michelle. It is derived from the Hebrew name Michael, which means, in some interpretations, “He who is closest to God,” as well as, interestingly, the question, “Who is like God?” The online site I visited noted that in Hebrew that’s a rhetorical question, because no person is like God.

I laughed when I read that bit about the rhetorical question, because honestly, it’s so like me to question my identity as one who is “like God.” Who me? Flawed, questioning, always-seemingly-on-the-cusp-of-unbelief me?  But the answer is, inexplicably and unfathomably, yes, an emphatic yes. For me and for you, too. For all of us. We are like God because we are created in his image– imago dei.  Each of us is wholly his, loved by him, beloved, called into oneness with him.

God calls us to walk toward that which we despise most about ourselves, because he knows that when we face that hard, ugly place head-on, we will finally be fully surrendered. And finally fully surrendered, we will finally fully find him.

God is in our most broken places, the parts of ourselves we least want to admit or expose to the world and perhaps especially to our own selves. For me, that’s my wrestle with doubt and unbelief. God ironically calls me to step into that very place, to acknowledge its existence, not to run and hide from it, but strangely, to offer it, my most broken place, to him. I know, it hardly makes sense. But yet it does. Because he is there, even there. Because there is no place God is not.

The Broken Way, by Ann Voskamp

I want to add, for the record, that Ann Voskamp doesn’t need me to write a review of her book. As I write this, The Broken Way, which releases today, is probably already number 1 on Amazon, and it will likely go on to become a New York Times bestseller, just like One Thousand Gifts. But here’s the deal: I wrote this blog post because I couldn’t not write this blog post. Like its predecessor, One Thousand Gifts, The Broken Way has had a lasting impact on me. Beautifully written and full of profound wisdom, this book is a life-changer, if you allow Ann’s words — God’s message, really, spoken through her — to sink in deep and change you. Powerful, prophetic, vulnerable and deeply authentic, The Broken Way is not an easy or a quick read, but it’s absolutely a must-read.

The Weight of Waiting {and a book giveaway!}

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Come Lord Jesus: The Wait of Waiting

A few years ago the phone rang on a December evening. It was Brad’s dad, calling to tell us he had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was the beginning of Advent, and when I think about it today, I can still feel the bitterness, anger, and deep sorrow I experienced that holiday season. The lights, the music, the decorations, the shopping, the socializing…it all felt so garish, so offensive. I wanted everything to stop. It was all I could do not to squeeze my eyes shut and cup my palms over my ears.

That whole season was terrible, not only because my father-in-law was dying, but also because I felt forced toward a lightness and jubilance I couldn’t possibly experience. It felt like there wasn’t space for grief, like there wasn’t room for suffering and brokenness. And so we stumbled through. Our faces wore expressions appropriate to the season, but inside, our hearts were shattered.

I know God was with us that holiday season. I know he was with us in our grief and that he gently held our shattered hearts in his hands. But I couldn’t hold that tension between the joy and light of the season and the darkness and sorrow inside me. I couldn’t see that there was space in the waiting for both light and darkness, joy and grief. Amid all the festive lights and noise of the season, I couldn’t see that God makes that space for us in his son Jesus, that waiting can hold both our joy and our despair.

Come Lord Jesus: The Wait of Waiting

A few months ago my friend Kris Camealy emailed to ask if I would consider writing an endorsement for her book, Come, Lord Jesus: The Weight of Waiting, a collection of 25 daily devotions for Advent. I said yes because I love Kris and I respect and admire her writing. What I didn’t expect, though, was that her book would move me so deeply and so profoundly.

Come, Lord Jesus is the book I needed during that hard Advent, when I couldn’t find a place for suffering amid all the brightness. Kris Camealy gets it. She understands that there’s a place for that tension, the existence of both darkness and light, and she doesn’t shy away from it; she doesn’t pretend the darkness isn’t there. Kris acknowledges the grief and sorrow, the pain and suffering, and she reminds us that Jesus is Immanuel, God with us – even in, especially in, the sometimes unbearable weight of waiting.

This is a beautiful book, friends. And please don’t get me wrong – it is full of light and joy and hope. But I also so appreciate that Come, Lord Jesus does not lean so much toward the jubilance of the season that it completely disregards the fact that grief, suffering, and darkness exist. For it is only in great darkness that we are truly able to see a great Light.

Come Lord Jesus, Advent devotional

I am delighted to be able to send one reader a copy of Kris Camealy’s beautiful book Come, Lord Jesus. Enter the drawing below for a chance to win (email readers: click here and scroll down to the bottom of the post to enter the drawing).

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