Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

control

How to Find the True Rest Your Soul Needs {and a book giveaway!}

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Jennifer Dukes Lee is a stellar writer, and I have been grateful for each of her books and the wise, insightful, funny, real guidance and truth she offers. Her newest book, It’s All Under Control, releases today, and friends, this one resonated deeply with me because, well, I’m Triple Type A, right? I love me some control! Jennifer writes friend to friend, and her insights strike a solid note because they are gleaned from an authentic place of personal experience.

I’m thrilled to welcome Jennifer Dukes Lee to the blog today. AND I have a free copy of her beautiful new book to give away. Details on how to enter the drawing are at the end of the post.

Guest Post by Jennifer Dukes Lee

I know how this noisy world can get in the way of me hearing God’s still, small voice. So, in the past few years, I’ve been intentional about quieting the outer noise in my life.

My biggest challenge is silencing the inner chatter.

I know the value of resting in Jesus, but it’s like my brain won’t stop moving in fifteen different directions. Corralling my thoughts is like herding a nursery full of fork-toting toddlers who just learned how to walk and are weeble-wobbling their way toward electrical outlets on opposite sides of the room.

Take, for instance, one of the places where I go to escape the noise: my bathtub. I’ll toss a bath bomb in the water and sink into the warmth. There’s no TV. No iPhone. Yet even here, my mind is running on high gear. I often receive some of my best writing inspiration in the bathtub, which is why my friend Cheri gave me a set of child’s bathtub crayons. (Yes, part of my latest book, It’s All Under Control, was written on the walls of my tub.) So while it might look like I am resting, I’m actually still working.

God is reminding me that my brain needs rest as much as my body does. I loosen my mind by simply dwelling with him: “Abide in me, and I in you” (John 15:4).

If I have a lot of noise around me—even in the form of the silent iPhone scroll—I can’t hear God.

My friend Lindsay Sterchi, mom of twin toddlers, learned the hard way what happens when she doesn’t get the rest she needs. She told me, “Without rest, I’m not very fun to be around— just ask my kids and husband. I get irritable way too quickly. I lose perspective on the bigger picture of life, and the little things seem bigger than they really are. I get in this fog where I’m going through the motions of life but not really living intentionally.”

The answer for her: finding rest in small pockets of time each day. “Rest means that when the kids nap, or after they’ve gone to bed, I’m not going to zone out on TV or scroll through social media, which might seem restful but ends up being draining.” Instead, she does something that feels life-giving—without feeling guilty. Her escapes: reading a book, journaling, or simply being still, alone with God and her thoughts.

Maybe your escape is Netflix, and if that’s the case, you do you. But make sure it gives you life instead of draining your energy.

No matter what: make rest a priority. It’s vital.

Resting in God serves two purposes: First, rest allows you to intentionally connect with God. God wants to meet with you, not simply to give you the day’s marching orders. He wants to be with you because he likes you.

Second, rest calms the noise around you so you can hear God’s clear direction.

Here are a few ideas to incorporate more rest into your life.

Instead of scrolling, go strolling. Everybody has time for rest. How can I be so sure? Because that’s the time we use to check social media. Put down your iPhone for the fifteen minutes you would’ve spent on Instagram and take a walk instead.

Don’t let your “yes” encroach on your rest. If you say yes to something new, evaluate everything else on your list to see what might have to go. Refuse to put rest on the altar of sacrifice.

Let your work assignments flow from soul realignments. If “everybody is looking for us,” our souls and agendas need realignment so we can hear clear directions from God.

Protect the freed-up time you have already created. God prunes all of us, but achievers try to immediately fill those pruned spaces. Protect the space that God created for you. Downtime is okay; in fact, it will make you more productive in the work you were designed to do.

Adapted from It’s All under Control: A Journey of Letting Go, Hanging On, and Finding a Peace You Almost Forgot Was Possible, by Jennifer Dukes Lee, releasing today from Tyndale House Publishers.

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Jennifer Dukes Lee is the wife of an Iowa farmer, mom to two girls, and an author. She loves queso and singing too loudly to songs with great harmony. Once upon a time, she didn’t believe in Jesus. Now, He’s her CEO. Jennifer’s newest book, It’s All Under Control, and a companion Bible study, are releasing today! This is a book for every woman who is hanging on tight and trying to get each day right―yet finding that life often feels out of control and chaotic.

I have an extra copy of Jennifer’s lovely new book It’s All Under Control that I would love to mail to one lucky recipient (continental U.S. only).

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment below telling me your favorite way to rest your mind, body and soul. I’ll randomly draw one name at 8 p.m. CT on Friday, September 21 (winner will be notified by email). 

 

This Year, Hold Your Own Plans Loosely & Listen for the Quiet Voice of God

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I’m big on New Year’s resolutions. Every year I make four or five, and while I don’t always keep them past January 31 (case in point: “floss daily” has been an annual resolution for ten years running), I always have good intentions.

I also like to kick off the New Year by reading a book that will both inspire me and help me identify my goals for the year. Recently I posted a note on Facebook asking for recommendations for my January read. I specified that I was looking for a non-fiction book focusing on productivity, goal setting, and “how to figure out what to do with my life.”

I got a several intriguing suggestions in the comments, but one woman’s recommendation stopped me short. “Rebecca” (and for the record, I don’t know Rebecca personally) suggested, “Instead of choosing your own goals, pray and ask God for His goals and do that. His plan is always better than our plan.”

I admit, I bristled when I read Rebecca’s comment. It felt a little bit like I was being lectured, as if Rebecca was suggesting that as a Christian, I shouldn’t set goals, but instead should simply “go with God.” I rolled my eyes and wrote Rebecca off as a holier-than-thou wet blanket.

The problem was, days later I was still thinking about Rebecca’s comment. Turns out, she’s right, at least in part.

On one hand, I think Rebecca oversimplified the process of listening to God. To simply “pray and ask God for His goals and do that” implies that God operates like a magic genie: ask your question, rub the lamp, get your answer. Unfortunately, at least in my experience, God doesn’t download an Excel spreadsheet, complete with action steps and measureable outcomes, directly into my brain.

It seems instead that God reveals his plans much more slowly and quietly. Sometimes, honestly, it seems he doesn’t reveal them to us at all. I rarely recognize God’s plans as they unfold in the moment. Instead, the impact of his subtle work in my life is often only visible in retrospect, as I look back months or even years later.

On the other hand, I think Rebecca was right in observing that most of us, especially at this time of year, are so busy resolving, planning, and executing, we forget about God himself. So focused are we on writing our to-do lists and strategizing our goals for the year, we forget that we are not in control.

I learn this lesson the hard way over and over again. Every time my plans go off the rails and I find myself shaking an angry fist at God, I’m humbly reminded that the reason I’m disappointed is because I’ve put my faith, hope, and confidence in plans of my own making, rather than in God himself.

I still made a couple of resolutions this year (though fewer than I normally do), and I’ll still kick off the New Year with a book that I hope will help me identify my goals and priorities (if you have any suggestions, let me know!). Frankly I can’t help it; I will always be a Triple Type A planner.

But I’m also going to take Rebecca’s advice. I will incline my heart toward God, listening for the whisper of his still, small voice in my soul. And I will try to hold the plans I make loosely, trusting that God’s plans, even those yet to be revealed, are ultimately better than any I could make for myself.

Unlocking the Padlock of Fear {and a Book Giveaway!}

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Do you want to know what courage looks like? Meet Jen Ferguson and her husband, Craig. They wrote a book together about the ravaging effect of pornography addiction on their marriage and their subsequent road to recovery.

Think about that for a moment. Think about your co-workers or your kids’ elementary school teachers or your fellow mom’s club members finding out that you wrote about book about pornography addiction. Think that might be difficult, maybe a little awkward, maybe a little hyperventilation inducing?

You bet it would be. Yet that’s exactly what my friend Jen and her husband Craig did. They were brave. They took the risk, they leaped, in order to share their story and offer hope to others struggling on a similar journey. Pure Eyes, Clean Heart is that book, and not only is it a beautiful testament to the power of God’s faithfulness and love, it’s also a real, authentic look at a topic few of us are brave enough to talk about. It’s an absolute honor to welcome Jen Ferguson to the blog today to talk about her journey and the book. And be sure to scroll all the way to the bottom of the post, too – I’m giving away a copy of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart. 

 

PureEyesQuoteImageBy Jen Ferguson

It took my husband about five minutes to decide to write this book with me.

Could this be humiliating?  Yes.

Could this make people see us differently? Yes.

Would this be hard for us to try to explain to our kids? Yes.

But then…

Could bringing this shameful struggle to light bring freedom, not only to others, but to us as well?  Yes.

Once we got fully engrossed in the writing but before we knew we got the book contract, we realized that even if this book never saw the light of day, we were grateful.  Writing about things such as anger, forgiveness, respect, control, love, intimacy, and surrender to God means working through issues that impact our own marriage.

Whenever we have problems in our marriage that we choose to push aside and deal with “later,” it gives the enemy an in.  Satan thrives in the darkness. He uses it to twist our thoughts and harden our hearts against our spouse.  But when we agree to work them out, no matter how messy the process is, we bring those issues out in the open, exposing them to light. No longer can they sit and fester, but in the opening up, we allow Jesus to touch them.

And when Jesus touches, He brings healing.  We see this throughout the Bible.

The demon-possessed? Healed.

The bleeding woman? Healed.

The leper? Healed.

Jesus wants to bring His healing touch to our marriages. Whether we struggle with porn, bitterness, alcoholism, anger, betrayal, or insecurities, Jesus wants to help us fulfill our marriage vows.

But we have to be willing to let Him in. We have to let Him work. And the hard truth? While as wives, we sometimes label our husbands as “the one with the problem,” we have our own issues to work out, too.

As much as this book is about journey through my husband’s porn addiction, it’s about my own addiction to control.  Just as much as he confesses, I confess, too.  Because my initial response to his porn? Control. And if I’m controlling, guess whom I’m not allowing in?

Jesus.  The One who heals.

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PureEyesCleanHeart{An excerpt from the Pure Eyes, Clean Heart}

When I look back at myself that day, a crumpled heap on the floor, I can see clearly that every single one of the rules we had implemented [to keep Craig from porn] was rooted in fear. My sneaking and scheming to try to catch him in the act was motivated by fear. My threatening and chastising was instigated by fear. I had been like a military dictator who wanted precise order and regulation because, like most dictators, I was afraid that something or someone more powerful than me would take over. I feared that porn would completely and totally take over and rule our lives.

That soul-crushing moment on Mother’s Day led me to realize that I could no longer carry the weight of Craig’s porn addiction on my shoulders. I left his addiction on the bathroom floor, but it wasn’t easy to keep from grasping it again and hoisting it back on my shoulders. I had to let God train me how to leave it there, at the foot of the cross, in His hands, or however else you could imagine it. He had to teach me that giving up control was not the same as giving in to porn.

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Craig and I realized many things and made many changes in our marriage through God’s healing grace and mercy.  We’ve gained great insight into each other and ourselves. This book shares our story. It offers hope.  It offers compassion.  But it’s not a cure.

Because only Jesus heals in ways everlasting and eternal.

JenandCraigJen Ferguson is passionate about Jesus, her husband, and her two girls. She is the facilitator of The Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood and loves to encourage women to bring their true selves out into the light. She is the co-author of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornography. You can find out more about the book by visiting their new site, www.PureEyesCleanHeart.com.

To be entered into the random drawing for a free copy of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, please complete the raffle information below (email subscribers, click here and scroll to bottom of the post to enter the drawing):

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

When You Feel Like You’re Way Out of Your League

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Rowan jumping into a lake in the Minnesota Boundary Waters. Clearly he doesn’t have the same reservations about leaping that I do.

“It shouldn’t be hagiography,” I hear him say on the other end of the line, and I nod, replying, “Oh right, of course. Yeah, that totally makes sense.”

That’s what I say to my brand-new editor during our very first telephone conversation to discuss the 50 Women book. But what I’m thinking is this: “Hagi-wha-wha-what??!!! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh I have no idea what he’s talking about. How in the world am I going to write a book when I can’t even understand the vocabulary my editor is using?! This is not going to work, this is totally not going to work, I’m not cut out for this. I can’t do this. I am. In. Over. My. Head.”

After we hang up I sit on the floor, staring at my notebook. I’d scrawled hageography in the middle of the white page (I spelled it wrong, of course), with about sixteen questions marks after it. Should I quit, I wonder? Should I email Rachelle and tell her they’d better find someone else to write the book, someone who knows what hagiography means for crying out loud? I mean clearly I’m not the right person to write this book. Clearly I’m not smart enough. I had to fake intelligence in my very first conversation with my editor for heaven’s sake. Surely that can’t be a good sign.

I didn’t email Rachelle that day. I didn’t quit the book before I’d even begun. Instead, I Googled hagiography (hagiography: biography of saints or venerated persons), and then I prayed desperately for wisdom and guidance and took a leap into a project I felt hugely unqualified to tackle.

I know I’ve said it here before, but it bears repeating: God expects us to leap – to step outside of our comfort zone, to get uncomfortable, unsure of ourselves, afraid.

Because you know what? When we leap, we trust.

When I’m all comfortable and cozy in my routine, I can tell you six ways to Sunday that I trust God, but that’s because it’s easy. Real trust happens when I take a leap of faith. When I’m insecure, doubtful, hesitant, afraid, awkward. When I don’t know what in the world I’m doing.

Real trust happens when we’re not in control.

That day on the phone, when my editor dropped the word hagiography into our conversation all casual like he was talking about the ham and cheese Subway sandwich he’d eaten for lunch, I was not in control. I had a decision to make right then and there. I could retreat into my comfortable status quo where nothing was threatening or foreign and I felt sufficiently smart. Or I could take a leap of faith into the uncomfortable unknown.

I leaped. And so far I have no regrets.

So what about you? When have you taken a leap of faith when you felt way out of your league?

 

What I’ve Learned from Not Publishing

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I once told a friend that after every interview, I always assume I’ll get the job.  It’s true. I leave thinking, “All righty…I wonder when they’ll want me to start?”

Now, before you conclude that I’m the most arrogant person on Earth, let me explain. I have indeed landed every job I’ve ever applied for, but not because I am the greatest, most gifted professional ever to step foot into the workforce. Instead, my success has always been the result of one simple factor: preparedness (combined with a fair amount of luck, too).  

I am the classic Type A over-achiever. My barely average SAT scores, below-average GRE scores and other standardized tests always proved what I already knew: I got good grades in school not because I’m naturally smart, but because I studied. A lot.
…Will you join me over at the Lincoln Journal Star for a story about silver linings?

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