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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

Old Testament

When You Don’t Get the Exact Answer You’re Looking For

February 23, 2016 By Michelle

Memorial Park2

I recently made a startling discovery. As I hunched over a stack of crumpled pay stubs, invoices, and receipts and punched calculator buttons until my fingertips were numb in an attempt to prepare my 2015 taxes, I realized that I’ve earned less total income this year than last. This is not good for a person who makes her living as a self-employed writer.

The realization immediately prompted a flurry of questions and panicky prayers. Should I start looking for a traditional job? I asked God. Should I wait out this season of uncertainty? Should I try to eke out more freelance work? What’s your plan for me?

The more I prayed, the more specific my prayers got. Tell me what to do, I pleaded. Give me a sign; show me which steps to take.

Moses had a similar heart-to heart with God when the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. Things hadn’t been going particularly well for the new leader. Not only had his people crafted a golden calf to worship, they were also grumbling non-stop, pestering Moses about where they were headed and blaming him for their miserable existence.

Frustrated, Moses laid it all on the line with God. “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people, but you have not let me know whom you will send with me,” he said. “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.” (Exodus 33:12-13)

Moses demanded specifics – “Whom will you send with me?” – as well as a clear strategy – “Teach me your ways.”

God heard Moses’ plaintive questions and his yearning for specifics, yet he answered in a way Moses did not likely expect. “My Presence will go with you,” the Lord assured his devoted leader, “and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14)

Like Moses, I didn’t receive a specific answer, detailed instructions, or even the answer I desired from God the day I blurted my panicky prayers. Instead, I was reminded of God’s promise to his people – the promise he made to Moses in ancient times, the promise he still has for us today.

We may want the step-by-step plan, but we get something even better, something that will carry us through even the most challenging circumstances. We get God’s presence.

God is who he says he is: Emmanuel — God with us.

Filed Under: Old Testament, Prayer Tagged With: Is God listening to my prayers?, Old Testament

When You Need Someone Else’s Eyes to See

February 18, 2016 By Michelle

tulip

A couple of years ago, I found myself smack in the middle of the wilderness. My proposal for a second memoir had been rejected by more than a dozen publishers, and I had no idea which step to take next.

My editor suggested that I write a much different book instead – a biography of Martin and Katharina Luther. The problem was, I felt unqualified. I imagined a professor writing that biography – someone who wore tweed, smoked a pipe and listened to opera on NPR; someone much smarter than me.

I didn’t write the proposal my editor wanted. Instead, I told him I would “think about it,” and then I swept the idea under the rug.

A few weeks later, I mentioned the biography in an email exchange with a good friend. “I agree with your editor,” she replied immediately. “I think you are the perfect person to write this book. I really believe God is in this.”

When Moses was in the wilderness, he turned to his brother-in-law and asked for help. “Please do not leave us,” Moses begged Hobab. “You know where we should camp in the wilderness, and you can be our eyes.”(Numbers 10:31)

Blinded by uncertainty and anxiety, Moses understood the value of an another perspective. He understood that his brother-in-law could serve as his eyes, to help seek out opportunity in the unfamiliar terrain.

Often when we find ourselves in the middle of difficult circumstances, we turn inward, consumed by questions and self-doubt. Yet God gives us community for a reason. He puts particular people in our lives to serve as guides and advisors, to point the way when we can’t see it ourselves.

Like Moses’ brother-in-law, my friend was able to see what I couldn’t. I hadn’t recognized the opportunity because it hadn’t looked exactly the way I’d imagined or expected it should. But my friend saw what I had missed, and she encouraged me in the right direction. She was my eyes in the wilderness when I couldn’t see beyond the next bend.

Filed Under: Old Testament Tagged With: Old Testament

Why God Gives Us Boundaries

February 16, 2016 By Michelle

fence

The backyard of my childhood home bordered an apple orchard and, beyond that, a forest of stately pine trees that swayed and whispered in the wind. My sister and I were allowed to explore to the far edge of the orchard, but my parents deemed the pine forest off-limits.

The fact that the pine forest was forbidden territory just made it all the more enticing. Perched high in one of the tallest trees deep in the middle of the woods was a dilapidated treehouse. Jeanine and I dared each other to climb the planks that were nailed to the trunk, a makeshift ladder leading to a hole cut into the floorboards far above our heads.

Thankfully we were both too afraid to climb very high. I shudder to think what might have happened if one of us had been brave enough to make it all the way to the top and stand on the rickety floor of that old tree house. I doubt the rotted wood would have held our weight.

When God blessed the Israelites with his gift of the Promised Land, he did not give them free reign over all the land, but instead named clear boundaries on every side – mountain ranges, the Mediterranean Sea, and the Jordan River. God said to Moses, “Command the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you enter Canaan, the land that will be allotted to you as an inheritance is to have these boundaries…This will be your land, with its boundaries on every side.’” (Numbers 34:1-2 and 12)

Boundaries often feel negative to us. We feel constrained and limited by them. We might wonder why God is intentionally holding us back by inhibiting us from entering the place we desire to be. But what we fail to recognize is that boundaries are often good for us. Boundaries keep our ambitions and desires in check; they give us time to mature and prepare.

I often find myself wishing for more success as a writer. I desire more readers, better book sales, and more speaking engagements. If God gave me the call to write, I wonder, why isn’t he growing my reach?

Recently, however, when I published a blog post that was shared hundreds of times on Facebook, broadening the reach of my words far beyond their typical range, I got a small taste of what that kind of visibility can be like in reality. The post was more controversial than my usual fare, and it provoked several readers to leave angry comments on my website and Facebook page. Three days after the post was published, I was still negotiating ugly conversations on social media, which left me feeling anxious and angry. Turns out, more readers did not produce the outcome I had desired.

The boundaries God gives us are just one of the many ways he surrounds us with his love and protection. Just as my parents knew that the pine forest was a dangerous place for my sister and me, God sees the potential threats that await outside the boundaries he gives us. He understands our limitations; he knows where we are weak and where we will falter. He knows when we need more time to grow in ways that will help us survive and thrive beyond the place he has established for us today.

God intentionally hems us in, giving us boundaries in our professional and personal lives not to punish us, but to protect us from harm.

This post originally ran in the Lincoln Journal Star in January. 

Filed Under: Old Testament Tagged With: God's boundaries, Old Testament

Weekend One Word: Back

February 6, 2016 By Michelle

Back

Where or what is “back that way” for you?

Maybe it’s a bad habit. Or a sin you’re tempted to repeat. Perhaps it’s an unhealthy or destructive pattern from which God has rescued you. Or maybe it’s simply a familiar, comfortable place from your past, a place that was easier than the place God wants you right now.

“Don’t go back to Egypt,” God warns the Israelites. Don’t go back to what enslaved you, God warns his people. Don’t go back to your old ways.

What’s “back that way” for you? Whatever it is, don’t go there, God says. Don’t retrace your steps; don’t turn around and go back the way you’ve come. Stay the course; trust him; follow him. “You have not yet reached the resting place and the inheritance the Lord your God is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 12:9)

Amen.

 

Filed Under: Old Testament, One Word Tagged With: One Word

Weekend One Word: Wholehearted

January 16, 2016 By Michelle

Wholeheartedly

I’ve been thinking about this verse a lot lately, wondering what it looks like to have “a different spirit” and to follow God “wholeheartedly.” I love the idea, but I suspect I haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I tend to hedge my bets with God. For example, I notice when I pray for people who are very ill, I typically ask for vague things like “peace,” “strength,” and “courage.” There’s nothing wrong with praying for these qualities, of course, but what I rarely do is ask God outright for miraculous healing. I stop short of the big ask, because while I know that God can heal, I’m afraid he won’t heal. I don’t want to be disappointed, so I don’t ask.

Not exactly “wholehearted” faith, is it?

I keep reminding myself of that verse in 2 Timothy, where Paul says, “The Lord has not given you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” I think this might be the “different spirit” God is referring to when he talks about Caleb. Caleb acted not out of fear and timidity, but out of power, love and self-discipline — qualities that flowed from his deep trust in God.

And that’s the key to all of this, don’t you think? TRUST.

Power, love and self-discipline flow out of trust. Wholehearted faith flows out of trust. A different spirit is born out of trust.

We trust that God leads us in the right direction. We trust that he has our best interests in mind. We trust that he loves us, always and forever.

Amen.

Filed Under: Old Testament, One Word, trust Tagged With: One Word, trusting God

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a Triple Type A, “make it happen” (my dad’s favorite mantra) striver and achiever (I’m a 3 on the Enneagram, which tells you everything you need to know), but these days my striving looks more like sitting in silence on a park bench, my dog at my feet, as I slowly learn to let go of the false selves that have formed my identity for decades and lean toward uncovering who God created me to be.

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