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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

One Word

The Year of Curiosity

January 17, 2018 By Michelle

I haven’t chosen a Word of the Year for a few years now, not because I don’t like the idea, but simply because nothing has risen to the surface. Last month, though, as I was rereading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic, I couldn’t help but notice the word curiosity.

Gilbert is big on curiosity, which she refers to as a “devotion to inquisitiveness.” She understands that nurturing our curiosity is an important part of what she calls creative living, which she defines as: “living a life driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.”

It’s important to note that Gilbert doesn’t limit “creative living” to creative vocations like writing, art or music. Rather, she sees the potential for creative living, for pursuing inquisitiveness, as something inherent in all of us, regardless of our chosen professions.

The more I read and the more I pondered, the more I realized that somehow, over time and amid responsibilities, obligations, duties and deadlines, I’ve lost, or perhaps abandoned, my God-given sense of curiosity.

Here, for example, are some of Gilbert’s questions and my answers, which I recorded in my journal as I was reading Big Magic:

“What fascinates you?” I don’t know.

“What makes your curious? What excites you? What kind of activity would make you lose all track of time? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

“What activity beyond the mundane takes you out of your established and limiting roles?” I don’t know.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably know that I am a rule follower through and through. Type A, a 3 on the Enneagram (“Achiever”), deadline drive, efficient to a fault, my first priority is always to do what needs to be done. I “make it happen,” as my dad always urged when I was growing up.

There’s nothing wrong with being a responsible Type A achiever. As an Enneagram 3, I keep company with people like Condoleezza Rice, nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis, AA founder Bill Wilson, Oprah Winfrey, and Madonna. Not a bad line-up (on the other hand, other famous 3s include Augustus Caesar, O.J. Simpson, Bernie Madoff, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong and Kevin Spacey…but we’ll leave that for another blog post).

This drive to “make it happen” – to tick off every item on my to-do list, meet every deadline, fulfill every obligation and achieve every goal – becomes problematic, however, when it becomes my default, when my drive to accomplish and achieve comes at the expense of everything else.

Looking back to 2017, I see that my life has been driven largely by productivity, punctuated by periods of rampant social media use. I’m either scrambling full-steam ahead to meet my deadlines and check the next item off my to-do list, or, drained and exhausted, self-medicating with mind-numbing skimming and scrolling.

Social media, it seems, has become a panacea for true curiosity, and my own brain, whirling and churning with everyone else’s thoughts, ideas, opinions and products, has essentially checked out. I’ve gotten lazy, complacent. Why pursue my own inquisitiveness when I can simply read about someone else’s quest?

This, it turns out, is precisely how one ends up living a supposed “creative life” that is actually devoid of creative living.

And thus, how it’s come to be that curiosity is my word for 2018.

Truthfully, I don’t know what living curiously will look for me this year. I have only the slightest hints so far, words and phrases I’ve penned in my journal that might, or might not, be pathways to curiosity: nature, walking, photography, cooking, writing what I feel like writing about, rather than what I feel like I should be writing about.

I don’t know exactly how, or even if, I will pursue any of these possible areas of interest. I don’t know if there are other interests still waiting to be discovered (though I suspect there are).

What I do know is that I need to pay closer attention to what lights a fire in my spirit. And then, instead of dutifully checking off the next item on my to-do list, or reading online about the fabulously interesting curiosity someone else is pursuing, I need to put down the to-do list, power down the Internet, and, as Elizabeth Gilbert advises, find the courage to bring forth the treasures hidden within me.

This is part one of a two-part series on my 2018 themes. Next week: hospitality.

Filed Under: curiosity, New Year, One Word Tagged With: curiosity, New Year's Resolutions

Weekend One Word: Witness

April 7, 2017 By Michelle

I admit, as a writer, I don’t much love this verse. As a writer, I tend to put a lot of weight on words. And I hope that my words will make an impact on the spiritual lives of others. I want my words to bear witness.

But God’s got me thinking hard about this. I think Jesus is actually saying two important things here:

One: Our words — what we say about God — are not the most important thing.

And two, perhaps even more critical: our actions — what we do as the result of our faith — are not the most important thing either.

Which is a little unexpected, don’t you think? When I consider what makes a “good Christian” and what’s indicative of a “good Christian life,” I think of service: what am I doing to help others? What am I doing to live out my faith? And while I do believe service is an important element of faith, I also think it’s critical that we not miss what Jesus is really saying here.

This verse reminds me that a cleansed and grateful life is not something I do. It’s something I receive. A cleansed and grateful life is, in essence, grace, which is not something we earn or deserve, but something we receive and accept as a gift from God.

A cleansed and grateful life is a transformed life, and transformation is not something we initiate or even live out ourselves, but something that is initiated by God and received by us.

This doesn’t let us off the hook, of course. We are still called by God to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with him. But we would be wise to remember that our every act of mercy, justice, and humility has its roots in the transformed life that is first and foremost the gift of God’s grace.

God always does the doing. And in our grateful receiving, we bear witness to what he has done.

Filed Under: grace, One Word Tagged With: Matthew 8:4, Weekend One Word

Weekend One Word: Give Up

March 17, 2017 By Michelle

Well, yes, I realize Weekend One Word is actually two words this time. Sometimes it can’t be helped, right?

I heard this verse in church last week, and it was one of those knock-me-flat moments. I’ve read these words countless times before, but for some reason, they leapt off the page of the bulletin, grabbed me by the metaphorical throat, and would not let go. That ever happen to you?

I think I’ve repeated this verse — particularly the “Give up your own way” part — to myself at least two or three times every day since I heard it. I simply can’t get it out of my head. I find myself arguing with God. “Come on…you know that’s impossible, right? Give up my own way entirely? You know me, God…it’s not going to happen.” 

And so on and so forth.

I have moments when I really, truly do give up my own way, when I surrender wholly to God, trusting him with my life in its entirety. But the moments don’t last. I wind up struggling for control again, pushing, striving, forcing. Dropping my nets and taking two steps forward, only to run back and snatch them up again.

It’s exhausting. And disheartening.

Truth be told, I don’t have a big revelation for you here today (do I ever?). I’m just trying to be real, to put it all on the page and admit that this Christ-centered life I desire is hard. When it comes right down to it, I don’t really know how to do it, to be all-in with God and for God.

But maybe that’s the point. Maybe there isn’t a “how.” Maybe there’s not a ten-step action plan (Triple Type A me really, really wants an action plan). Maybe there’s not a “how” at all… only a Who, beckoning us, inviting us in, asking that we lean, rest, abide, remain.

Maybe “giving up” our “own way” isn’t an action so much as a stance, a way of being. Maybe we must be before we can do.

Filed Under: One Word Tagged With: Weekend One Word

Weekend One Word: Possible

March 3, 2017 By Michelle

“I’ll put my spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands.” (Ezekiel 36:27)

A few months ago, after I heard an Iraqi refugee speak at a local event, I felt compelled to do something I’ve never done before. A few days after the event, I called the refugee resettlement department of Lutheran Family Services and volunteered to sponsor a refugee family.

Within a few weeks we had received the names and ages of the six refugees who would be traveling from Iraq to Lincoln. My family and a small group of friends collected furniture, household items, and other donations and set up an apartment for the family.

That was the easy part.

Vanja, our resettlement coordinator, asked my husband, Brad, and me if we would be willing to drive the family to the doctors and other appointments after they arrived in Lincoln. Even as I heard myself say yes, I knew that interacting personally with the family, only one of whom speaks English, would push the boundaries of my comfort zone.

I was right.

One afternoon, as I stood on the curb with the mom and her four kids after driving them home from a doctor’s appointment, I thought they were blowing kisses to me. Figuring it was a Yazidi goodbye custom, I blew kisses back, only to realize mid-kiss that the mom was actually trying to convey an invitation to come inside to have something to eat. I felt my face redden as I shook my head and laughed uncomfortably, trying to communicate, as graciously as possible without language, “No, thank you.” I felt more than a little stupid and embarrassed as I drove away.

Jesus simplified God’s commands for us in the Gospels when he reduced them to two: Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself.

Notice the way the second commandment is phrased. It’s not simply: “Love your neighbor,” but “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

To love your neighbor as yourself means to go all out, no holds barred, 110%. Our society and our biology insist that we put ourselves first, but God expects us to treat our neighbors the same way we treat ourselves. Living out God’s command in real life is a tall order – dare I say an impossible one on some days (depending on the day and the neighbor).

The Holy Spirit – God in us – is a powerful force. When we listen to the Spirit and heed his prompts, we will be compelled to step into scenarios we ordinarily wouldn’t dream of considering – commitments that far exceed our comfort and our perceived limitations.

This is exactly why God gives us the Holy Spirit. He knows we need the Spirit in order to fulfill his commands. He knows, on most days, we are incapable of truly loving our neighbors as ourselves.

Only God’s Spirit in us makes it possible for us to live out what often feels like an impossible command.

Filed Under: One Word, refugees Tagged With: Weekend One Word, Yazidi refugees

Weekend One Word: Rooted

February 24, 2017 By Michelle

Weekend One Word: Rooted

“So keep at your work, this faith and love rooted in Christ, exactly as I set it out for you. It’s as sound as the day you first heard it from me. Guard this precious thing placed in your custody by the Holy Spirit who works in us.”
(1 Timothy 1:13-14).

You might mistakenly read these verses and assume, as I did, that Paul is speaking about your calling or ministry. I read the word “work,” and I automatically think about the work I am called to do, which is primarily writing.

But look again. Paul defines our work as “faith and love rooted in Christ.” Faith and love are the work God has for us first and foremost – not our job that pays the bills, not even our vocation or calling or ministry, but simply our faith and love, rooted in Christ.

I lose sight of this all. the. time. I forget that my primary vocation isn’t doing, but being. My primary vocation isn’t the work I do, it’s who I am as a beloved child of God. Whatever I do must be born out of my rootedness in Christ.

It’s no coincidence that faith and love aren’t anything we have to do; they aren’t “work” in the traditional definition of the word. We don’t earn faith and love. We don’t achieve faith and love through our own efforts. Rather, faith and love are a gift.

As Paul says, this primary “work,” this faith and love that’s rooted in Christ and placed in us by the Holy Spirit, is precious. It’s precious because we so easily lose sight of it. We turn it around. We get it backwards. More often than not, we look to our work to root us – to ground, define, and identify us.

But here’s the truth, here’s what Paul reminds Timothy, and us, in this letter:

Our calling isn’t our work, but rather, the fruit of our relationship with God. The fruit is born of the root.

Filed Under: One Word, work Tagged With: Weekend One Word

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a Triple Type A, “make it happen” (my dad’s favorite mantra) striver and achiever (I’m a 3 on the Enneagram, which tells you everything you need to know), but these days my striving looks more like sitting in silence on a park bench, my dog at my feet, as I slowly learn to let go of the false selves that have formed my identity for decades and lean toward uncovering who God created me to be.

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