• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • My Books
    • True You
    • Katharina and Martin Luther
    • 50 Women Every Christian Should Know
    • Spiritual Misfit
  • Blog
  • On My Bookshelves
  • Contact
  • Privacy & Disclosure Policy

Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

Imperfect Prose

Backyard Church

July 31, 2013 By Michelle

There were hymns and a reading from the Book of Hebrews, prayers and a children’s message. But despite those familiar elements, it wasn’t church like I’m used to. In fact, there was a time I didn’t consider the church service I experienced a couple Sundays ago church at all.

I’ve been attending the Haukebo Reunion with my husband Brad’s family in Brainerd, Minnesota, for about fifteen years now. The first year, when I overheard one of the Haukebos announce that the church service started at 10 a.m., I assumed we would all pile into our minivans and head to the Lutheran church in town. Imagine my horror when I saw Brad’s aunts, uncles and cousins arranging the mismatched lawn and folding chairs under the striped tent, pulling out Aunt Carolyn’s Bible and placing it on the sun-weathered picnic table.

Church? Right here in the backyard? I thought to myself. You have got to be kidding me.

We sat on lawn chairs, beneath a tent, on a patch of matted grass in a regular old back yard. There were no pews; no stained glass or steeple or vestments. No altar – unless you consider the picnic table near the front of the tent. No organ or choir or minister. Not even a loaf of bread or a cup of wine in sight.

Fifteen years ago I wasn’t a church-goer. I didn’t even believe in God at the time. But I knew enough to know that church held in a backyard just a few feet from Uncle Jim’s garage, with Cousin Tony ministering from the picnic-table pulpit — unordained Cousin Tony for heaven’s sake — was wrong, if not downright blasphemous.

Besides, it was terribly awkward. Newly married into the family, these aunts and uncles and cousins were virtual strangers to me. As I watched Tony set a boom box on the picnic table, I realized with horror that I was going to be forced to mumble my way through the lyrics of “Amazing Grace” and pray the “Our Father” aloud with Brad’s entire extended family.

I considered fleeing to Aunt Carolyn’s bathroom, locking the door behind me and hiding amid the rumpled hand towels. In the end, though, I stayed, slinking into the back of the tent and settling into a folding chair in the very last row – but only because I figured someone would notice if I wasn’t in attendance.

A couple Sundays ago, as I listened to Cousin Steve and his son Emmett strum twin ukuleles near the “altar,” I smiled as I recalled my first Haukebo church service. Fifteen years later, the scene has changed a bit. The boom box is gone, replaced by lyrics emanating from Tony’s iPhone. We are missing more than one beloved family member, their absence palpable as we all gather under the tent.

But much of the traditional backyard church service is still the same. We sat in makeshift rows of folding chairs beneath the tent near Uncle Jim’s garage. We read from Aunt Carolyn’s well-worn Bible. We prayed and sang as the loons chortled from the lake at the bottom of the grassy hill. We gave thanks for family, for sunny weather, for good food. And during the short service I was reminded once again that church doesn’t require a lot of accoutrement. A fancy sanctuary, orderly pews, an elaborate liturgy and holy communion are nice, but they aren’t necessary —  because God is present everywhere…even in a backyard tent.

This post ran last weekend in the Lincoln Journal Star. 

Filed Under: church, community, worship Tagged With: church, community, Imperfect Prose, Jennifer Dukes Lee TellHisStory

Bikers and Rock Hunters

July 24, 2013 By Michelle

“Make sure you get the bike,” he says, sidling closer to the petite blond woman at his side.

We’re at Cutface Creek rest stop on the north shore of Lake Superior, where the breeze blows frigid off the water, even though it’s mid-July. The man wears a navy blue sweatshirt advertising a carwash, the woman a black leather jacket zipped all the way to her neck. I step back, crouch a bit to get more of the Harley in the frame. I’d zoomed in to focus on their faces, but now I realize the bike is important, too.

My sister and I walk to the beach, our sons sprinting ahead of us. At the base of the stone steps is a large, flat boulder, its surface warm from the sun. We sit side by side, soaking in the heat as the boys throw rocks into the water. We are quiet. Jeanine opens a book. I palm water-smooth rocks and stare at the horizon.

A ways up the beach two men hunt for rocks – this particular spot is known for its agates and Thomsonite. The men carry plastic soda bottles with the bottoms sliced off, holding them upside-down by the caps. The older man with the worn fisherman’s hat and the brown, gold-toed socks tucked into Tevas seems to be something of a rock expert. “You’re a quick learner, you’re getting it,” he says, clapping the taller, younger man excitedly on the back. The two crouch at the water’s edge, forearms resting on thighs, peering into palms held wide open.

“Everyone’s got their thing,” I say to Jeanine.

“Hmmmm?” she replies, not looking up from her book.

“I mean, everyone has something that makes them tick, that puts spring in their step and fires them up. Like the couple with their motorcycle. And these guys with their rocks.”

My sister’s not really listening. But it’s okay, because I’m excited by my own epiphany. It makes me happy to realize, quite suddenly, that the world is comprised of people who love motorcycles and people who love rocks. With people who love books and people who love people. Strangely, this realization buoys my faith in humanity.

The boys could stay at the water’s edge all day, but the sun is sinking lower and there’s spaghetti to cook back at the cabin. We climb the stairs to the parking lot. The Harley couple is long gone, but as I glance back at the water one last time, I spot the two men standing shoulder to shoulder. Their upside-down soda bottles are full to the brim with rocks.

 

Filed Under: passion, small moments Tagged With: Imperfect Prose, Jennifer Dukes Lee TellHisStory, Lake Superior, slowing down

God Forgives Everything … Even the Very Worst Thing

May 22, 2013 By Michelle

{A word of caution: this post contains offensive language…}

I heard a crash behind me, the snap of branches breaking, scatter of gravel. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw his bike on its side, front wheel still spinning. He was crying, heaving, gulping sobs. But not because he’d crashed and not because he’d gotten hurt.

“I have something horrible to tell you,” he blurted, still sprawled on the sidewalk, “something really, really bad, the worst thing you could ever imagine.” I kneeled next to him, my breathing shallow and quick. “Ok honey, you can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

He wasn’t ready. “I’ll tell you when we get home,” he said. “In my bedroom. With the door closed.” We brushed the grit from our pant legs and pedaled the final mile toward home. My mind reeled through every worst possibility. I prayed begging prayers, “Please God, not that … or that … or that.”

We sat on the edge of his bed. “However bad it is, you can tell me,” I reassured him. “I won’t be mad, I promise.” I lay my hand on his back and felt his spine, bony and delicate beneath his cotton shirt.

Turns out, Noah had overheard a conversation at school – two boys talking about “the absolute worst thing you could ever say.” “F_ _ _ing God,” Noah heard one of the boys say. The other boy nodded. That was bad, the boy agreed. The worst. The boys laughed and repeated the curse a few more times.

I was so relieved, I almost laughed. Sure, it was startling to hear those two words strung together.  But it wasn’t one of the “the very worst things” I had imagined. Not even close.

But Noah wasn’t laughing. The trouble was, he finally admitted, ever since he’d heard those two words, he couldn’t get them out of his head. “It pops into my head the first thing in the morning,” he said, tears soaking the crew neck of his tee-shirt. “And I can’t get it out of my head. It’s still there when I go to bed at night. It’s like my brain can’t stop saying the very worst thing. I’m cursing the very worst curse at God all day long!”

We talked for a long time that afternoon. I explained to Noah that words, even the very worst words, are meaningless. “We humans have given meaning to random sounds strung together,” I explained. “Plus,” I added, “God loves you no matter what. Even if you meant what you said, which I know you don’t, God would still love you and forgive you. There is no very worst thing you can say to God.”

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that I’ve been in Noah’s shoes. I’ve done a few things in my life that I am deeply ashamed of – actions that seemed unforgiveable, occasions when it’s felt like I’ve crossed the line for good. I’ve felt broken beyond repair. Unredeemable. Beyond hope. There have been times in my life when I’ve felt like “a bad person,” even the very worst person. Times when I’ve felt like God wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I knew exactly how Noah felt.

Three days after we talked I asked Noah if the God-curse was still cycling on auto-repeat in his head. He paused for a moment, considering, and then looked me straight in the eye and smiled. “I didn’t think it once today,” he said, amazed. I wasn’t surprised. Noah got what it had taken me years to understand.

With God, there is no very worst thing.

Filed Under: forgiveness, God talk: talking to kids about God, grace, parenting Tagged With: Imperfect Prose, Jennifer Dukes Lee TellHisStory, When you feel like you won't be forgiven

When Advent’s Not All Pretty and Perfect

December 19, 2012 By Michelle

It begins with inappropriate words uttered over the breakfast table, followed by a discussion of those inappropriate words, followed by a retraction of the promised ice cream outing to Ivanna Cone scheduled for that evening. Then here’s the crying and the wailing and the gnashing of teeth (by both child and mother).

And the next thing I know, the nativity has been rearranged on the coffee table.

Baby Jesus sits in the very center, but instead of the tiny clay wise men and lambs and Joseph and Mary gazing down at him in a close-knit circle of adoration, Rowan has moved each of them to the far corners and edges of the table, with their backs turned to Jesus.

Every lamb, every goat, every angel is turned away from Emmanuel.

“You know, honey,” I say to Rowan when I spot the new arrangement, “even when you turn your back on Jesus, he still lives in your heart.”

No response.

I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe a revelation of sorts? Maybe I expected Rowan to look up at me all gracious and repentant, a flash of illumination written across his face. It’s Advent, after all. Isn’t Advent supposed to be pretty and perfect? All glittery and shiny and beautiful? A season of anticipation and awaiting and love?

But he didn’t. Rowan turned his back on me, too, and walked away.

There I was, poised to point my finger and start ranting and raving, when I caught another glimpse of those wise men and the sheep turned away from Jesus. And it hit me hard. I do it, too. I’m no different than Rowan. I turn my back on Jesus, too. I walk away from him. I can’t point my finger at Rowan without first pointing at myself.

In the end, the lesson I intended for Rowan is really meant for me. I need the reminder, too – that Jesus is Emmanuel. God with us. No matter what.

I need to remember that even when I turn my back on him, he still lives in my heart. He doesn’t abandon me. He doesn’t walk the other way.

Emmanuel.

God with us.

Amen.

 Have you ever had a revelation like that — did you ever suddenly realize that God is with you, no matter what? 

Click here to get posts in your email in-box. Click here to “like” my Facebook Writer page. Thank you!

Linking with Jennifer and Emily today:

Filed Under: A Different Advent, flaws, forgiveness, God talk: talking to kids about God, sin, Uncategorized Tagged With: how to talk to kids about God, Imperfect Prose, Jennifer Dukes Lee, when Advent's not perfect

« Previous Page

Primary Sidebar

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a Triple Type A, “make it happen” (my dad’s favorite mantra) striver and achiever (I’m a 3 on the Enneagram, which tells you everything you need to know), but these days my striving looks more like sitting in silence on a park bench, my dog at my feet, as I slowly learn to let go of the false selves that have formed my identity for decades and lean toward uncovering who God created me to be.

Read Full Bio

Available Now — My New Book!

Blog Post Archives

Footer

Copyright © 2023 Michelle DeRusha · Site by The Willingham Enterprise· Log in