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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

Is God listening to my prayers?

When You Don’t Get the Exact Answer You’re Looking For

February 23, 2016 By Michelle

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I recently made a startling discovery. As I hunched over a stack of crumpled pay stubs, invoices, and receipts and punched calculator buttons until my fingertips were numb in an attempt to prepare my 2015 taxes, I realized that I’ve earned less total income this year than last. This is not good for a person who makes her living as a self-employed writer.

The realization immediately prompted a flurry of questions and panicky prayers. Should I start looking for a traditional job? I asked God. Should I wait out this season of uncertainty? Should I try to eke out more freelance work? What’s your plan for me?

The more I prayed, the more specific my prayers got. Tell me what to do, I pleaded. Give me a sign; show me which steps to take.

Moses had a similar heart-to heart with God when the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. Things hadn’t been going particularly well for the new leader. Not only had his people crafted a golden calf to worship, they were also grumbling non-stop, pestering Moses about where they were headed and blaming him for their miserable existence.

Frustrated, Moses laid it all on the line with God. “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people, but you have not let me know whom you will send with me,” he said. “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.” (Exodus 33:12-13)

Moses demanded specifics – “Whom will you send with me?” – as well as a clear strategy – “Teach me your ways.”

God heard Moses’ plaintive questions and his yearning for specifics, yet he answered in a way Moses did not likely expect. “My Presence will go with you,” the Lord assured his devoted leader, “and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14)

Like Moses, I didn’t receive a specific answer, detailed instructions, or even the answer I desired from God the day I blurted my panicky prayers. Instead, I was reminded of God’s promise to his people – the promise he made to Moses in ancient times, the promise he still has for us today.

We may want the step-by-step plan, but we get something even better, something that will carry us through even the most challenging circumstances. We get God’s presence.

God is who he says he is: Emmanuel — God with us.

Filed Under: Old Testament, Prayer Tagged With: Is God listening to my prayers?, Old Testament

A Simple Prayer {I am a Spiritual Misfit series}

August 8, 2014 By Michelle

I haven’t yet met today’s Misfit writer, Sharon Osterhoudt, in person, but I’m thrilled to say I will soon when our paths cross at the Jumping Tandem Retreat right here in Nebraska in May! In the meantime, I will tell you flat out: this woman’s faith amazes me. Sharon has been through a whole lot in her life, but the way she keeps her eyes and her heart tuned to God is truly an inspiration. Please give Sharon a warm welcome here today, and be sure to visit her at her blog, too.

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Before I became a Christian my view of God was one of skepticism and unbelief. I thought of God as a Santa, someone who gave things to people when they asked. God was far away and not at all approachable. Jesus was a man in a storybook.

I was not raised in a Christian home, yet I do remember walking to a small church as a little girl to go to Sunday school. As I listened to the Bible stories, God and Jesus were unreachable to me, like characters in a book. I couldn’t touch them or feel them. They were songs sung to the music of an un-tuned piano.

I began to search for the meaning of life during my freshman year of high school.

We had moved again to a new rental home and another new school, and adjusting to life was normal for me. Every morning I talked with a girl at the bus stop — an honor’s student who lived with her parents in a stable home, much different from mine.

I wore the ratted up hair style like Diana Ross with fake eyelashes and white eye shadow. I listened to Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin, and my life was not at all like her life, with a mom and dad and family dinners.

Every day as we waited for the bus this girl asked me questions, pursuing me and forcing me to think of God and church and life in general. Every day I argued with her. I could not see how a God could allow hard things to happen. My life experience had been much different than hers and my concept of ‘love’ was not something she could understand. We were friends speaking different languages. She challenged me often and left me with many questions.

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The girl at the bus stop told me I could test God, that I could ask Him to show me who he was. I didn’t understand or believe her words at the time. How does one test a God who seems to know everything?

But one night out of the blue I decided to test her ‘God’.

My teenage sister was a drug addict and a runaway who had been living on the streets for a long time. I missed her greatly and wanted desperately to see her. We didn’t know if she was dead or alive. I remembered what my friend had told me at the bus stop – that God hears all prayers and listens — and while I didn’t believe it, I figured I couldn’t lose anything for trying.

I prayed a very simple but bold prayer from a heart that was searching. It was a long shot and full of despair.

“God,” I prayed, “I would believe, I think I can believe you, if you can find my sister and bring her home. If you are God, if you know everything, then you can bring her home tonight. When I wake up in the morning, I want to see her sleeping in her own bed. If you can do that God, then I will believe. If you can’t, then leave me alone.”

When I woke up the next morning and looked across the room, the room my sister and I shared, she was sleeping in her own bed. Somehow in the middle of the night the police had found her. She had been beaten and was very rough-looking, and the police had called my mother and brought her home.

She was sleeping in her bed, in our room. Just what I had asked for.

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My sister didn’t stay long after that first night. I didn’t ask him to allow her to stay long. I just asked him for one night. She went back to the street, but I knew God had answered my prayer.

I believe now that God knew the only way I would trust Him, was for Him to show me an answer to a simple prayer — a prayer from the heart between an all-knowing God and a simple teen. A prayer that would become life changing for me. He knew that. Within a few months I began to trust Him, and the journey continues to this day.

I spent the remainder of my high school years in youth group activities, youth choir and surviving the home I lived in. The girl at the bus stop became my sister-in-law when we married brothers. The years since I first believed have not been easy, but God in his faithfulness has shown me over and over that as long as we ask from an honest heart, He will hear the cries of the broken.

I learned to trust when I didn’t understand the meaning. I learned about love without conditions. He was hope when I felt hopeless and peace when the peace was not found. He was love on a cross saying to me, “I care deeply for you.”

His ways are mysterious and wonderful and leave me always in awe of His abiding love. My first prayer changed my life’s direction forever.

The way God reached out to me is a wonderful and powerful reminder that He does indeed listen to the prayers of those who do not know Him.  I was a spiritual misfit, without any idea of what it meant to believe or accept or understand a love that was not ‘conditional’.

Our God is a God who hears the simple prayers of those who don’t even know what to say or how to say it. The words do not need to be fancy or eloquent, but simply from a heart that is searching.

I didn’t believe until He showed me that no matter what I believed or knew to be true, His love was always there waiting.  I will never doubt how deep, how wide, how precious His love is for us. He heard me and answered my prayer.  He cared and He valued my heart.

My name is Sharon. I am a spiritual misfit. And I will always share how great the Father’s love for us is. 

SharonOSharon is a native Oregonian. She will have been married 41  years in November, and she and her husband have two adult children and six grandchildren, two kitties and a very old dog. You can visit Sharon at her blog Something to Think About and on Facebook. 

 

 

 

Click here to purchase Spiritual Misfit: A Memoir of Uneasy Faith. Click here to read all the posts in the I am a Spiritual Misfit series.

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Filed Under: guest posts, Prayer, Spiritual Misfit, unbelief Tagged With: I am a Spiritual Misfit Series, Is God listening to my prayers?, Sharon Osterhoudt

Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday: For the Times You Pray First-World Prayers

January 13, 2014 By Michelle

A few nights ago I had insomnia. Bad. So bad, in fact, I ended up on the living room couch at 2 a.m., staring out the window at the frost-covered branches lit brilliant in the moonlight. Both Brad and I suffer from insomnia, so four nights out of seven, one of us is usually on the couch. I cringe to think of what the kids might be saying to their friends and teachers about the state of our marriage.

But I digress.

I prayed on and off as I stared out the window that late night – not about starving children, not about ill loved ones, not about sex trafficking or any other of the world’s myriad horrific problems…but about my current book project. I’m in the middle of writing a proposal for a new book idea, and it’s due at the end of the month. I’ve been sleeping, waking, eating and breathing this book project for days now, and to say it’s been causing me anxiety would be an epic understatement.

Still, my enormous anxiety over this new book project pales in comparison to most people’s problems, right? It’s what you would call a “First World problem.” I’ll be honest, I feel pretty pathetic when I pray to God about my First World problems. Sometimes I even preface my First World prayers with a disclaimer. “I’m sorry, God,” I begin. “I know this is dumb, I know this isn’t even a ‘real’ problem, but…”

Ever do that? Ever sheepishly apologize to God for prayers you suspect are a little bit lame?

But then I read this week’s lesson about the wedding at Cana, and I was reminded that Jesus cares about everything, even the small, inconsequential worries that keep us up at night.

It’s true, he thought twice about remedying the wine shortage. When his mother Mary brought the problem to his attention, Jesus basically told her to put a lid on it. “Dear woman,” he said, “that’s not our problem. My time hasn’t come yet.” (John 2:4) But then he changed his mind. Jesus turned the water into wine — and not any old Two Buck Chuck, but the very best wine, the Henri Jayer Richebourg Cote de Nuit. He saved the host from embarrassment and he saved the day.

A wine shortage at a party isn’t exactly a life-and-death problem. It’s what we might call a First World problem today. But in the end, it wasn’t too small of a concern for Jesus, because no concern is too small for him.

Jesus loves us and cares about us. He weeps with us when we grieve; he celebrates with us when we rejoice. No concern is too small, no problem too paltry to lay at his feet.

So go ahead. Don’t apologize. Bring every one of your worries to Jesus. He’s listening.

Questions for Reflection:
Do you believe in your heart that God cares about even your smallest problems? Do you ever reserve your prayers for the big issues or feel guilty about praying for small things?

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Filed Under: Gospels, Prayer, Use It on Monday Tagged With: Gospel of John, Hear It on Sunday Use It on Monday, Is God listening to my prayers?

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a Triple Type A, “make it happen” (my dad’s favorite mantra) striver and achiever (I’m a 3 on the Enneagram, which tells you everything you need to know), but these days my striving looks more like sitting in silence on a park bench, my dog at my feet, as I slowly learn to let go of the false selves that have formed my identity for decades and lean toward uncovering who God created me to be.

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