Do you want to know what courage looks like? Meet Jen Ferguson and her husband, Craig. They wrote a book together about the ravaging effect of pornography addiction on their marriage and their subsequent road to recovery.
Think about that for a moment. Think about your co-workers or your kids’ elementary school teachers or your fellow mom’s club members finding out that you wrote about book about pornography addiction. Think that might be difficult, maybe a little awkward, maybe a little hyperventilation inducing?
You bet it would be. Yet that’s exactly what my friend Jen and her husband Craig did. They were brave. They took the risk, they leaped, in order to share their story and offer hope to others struggling on a similar journey. Pure Eyes, Clean Heart is that book, and not only is it a beautiful testament to the power of God’s faithfulness and love, it’s also a real, authentic look at a topic few of us are brave enough to talk about. It’s an absolute honor to welcome Jen Ferguson to the blog today to talk about her journey and the book. And be sure to scroll all the way to the bottom of the post, too – I’m giving away a copy of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart.
By Jen Ferguson
It took my husband about five minutes to decide to write this book with me.
Could this be humiliating? Yes.
Could this make people see us differently? Yes.
Would this be hard for us to try to explain to our kids? Yes.
But then…
Could bringing this shameful struggle to light bring freedom, not only to others, but to us as well? Yes.
Once we got fully engrossed in the writing but before we knew we got the book contract, we realized that even if this book never saw the light of day, we were grateful. Writing about things such as anger, forgiveness, respect, control, love, intimacy, and surrender to God means working through issues that impact our own marriage.
Whenever we have problems in our marriage that we choose to push aside and deal with “later,” it gives the enemy an in. Satan thrives in the darkness. He uses it to twist our thoughts and harden our hearts against our spouse. But when we agree to work them out, no matter how messy the process is, we bring those issues out in the open, exposing them to light. No longer can they sit and fester, but in the opening up, we allow Jesus to touch them.
And when Jesus touches, He brings healing. We see this throughout the Bible.
The demon-possessed? Healed.
The bleeding woman? Healed.
The leper? Healed.
Jesus wants to bring His healing touch to our marriages. Whether we struggle with porn, bitterness, alcoholism, anger, betrayal, or insecurities, Jesus wants to help us fulfill our marriage vows.
But we have to be willing to let Him in. We have to let Him work. And the hard truth? While as wives, we sometimes label our husbands as “the one with the problem,” we have our own issues to work out, too.
As much as this book is about journey through my husband’s porn addiction, it’s about my own addiction to control. Just as much as he confesses, I confess, too. Because my initial response to his porn? Control. And if I’m controlling, guess whom I’m not allowing in?
Jesus. The One who heals.
*******
{An excerpt from the Pure Eyes, Clean Heart}
When I look back at myself that day, a crumpled heap on the floor, I can see clearly that every single one of the rules we had implemented [to keep Craig from porn] was rooted in fear. My sneaking and scheming to try to catch him in the act was motivated by fear. My threatening and chastising was instigated by fear. I had been like a military dictator who wanted precise order and regulation because, like most dictators, I was afraid that something or someone more powerful than me would take over. I feared that porn would completely and totally take over and rule our lives.
That soul-crushing moment on Mother’s Day led me to realize that I could no longer carry the weight of Craig’s porn addiction on my shoulders. I left his addiction on the bathroom floor, but it wasn’t easy to keep from grasping it again and hoisting it back on my shoulders. I had to let God train me how to leave it there, at the foot of the cross, in His hands, or however else you could imagine it. He had to teach me that giving up control was not the same as giving in to porn.
*******
Craig and I realized many things and made many changes in our marriage through God’s healing grace and mercy. We’ve gained great insight into each other and ourselves. This book shares our story. It offers hope. It offers compassion. But it’s not a cure.
Because only Jesus heals in ways everlasting and eternal.
Jen Ferguson is passionate about Jesus, her husband, and her two girls. She is the facilitator of The Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood and loves to encourage women to bring their true selves out into the light. She is the co-author of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart: A Couple’s Journey to Freedom from Pornography. You can find out more about the book by visiting their new site, www.PureEyesCleanHeart.com.
To be entered into the random drawing for a free copy of Pure Eyes, Clean Heart, please complete the raffle information below (email subscribers, click here and scroll to bottom of the post to enter the drawing):
