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Michelle DeRusha

Every Day Faith. Faith Every Day.

when you can't find your place

When Comparisons Are Choking the Life Out of You

August 4, 2014 By Michelle

Grass Path Prairie

I sent my husband a text yesterday. A really short text, comprised of just a symbol and a number:

#268,304.

I didn’t need to elaborate. Brad knew. This is the kind of conversation we’ve been having for a while now.

“I would love you the same if you only sold one,” he texted right back.

I smiled. My husband’s patience and encouragement is as deep as the Mariana Trench.

#268,304 was my Amazon book rank that day. It’s been rising steadily since my memoir, Spiritual Misfit, was published back in April, and as I’ve had to remind my mother, “Bigger is not better,” at least when it comes to your book’s Amazon rank.

I’d love to tell you that I’m okay with this, that I’ve surrendered the book to God and am at peace knowing everything is in his good and gracious hands. But that wouldn’t be the whole truth.

…I’m so grateful and excited to be over at Lisa-Jo Baker’s house today, writing about wrestling with the green-eyed monster…See you over there…

Filed Under: comparison, envy, writing Tagged With: a wide-open spacious place, Jealousy and writing, when you can't find your place

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a Triple Type A, “make it happen” (my dad’s favorite mantra) striver and achiever (I’m a 3 on the Enneagram, which tells you everything you need to know), but these days my striving looks more like sitting in silence on a park bench, my dog at my feet, as I slowly learn to let go of the false selves that have formed my identity for decades and lean toward uncovering who God created me to be.

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